indensity | when you're helpless, waiting to collide

And your subjective opinion is always wrong.

[It's not really an attempt at an insult, just said out of habit. He's getting comfortable, leaning back, and doesn't object when he feels Dazai arm there. They were always going to end up closer anyway, and maybe Chuuya wants it. Don't tell anyone.]

There's something I've been meaning to ask you, though.

[Because sure, why not keep up a conversation as the movie starts playing. It's just an old man and a kid who's sick in bed for now anyway.]

[Of course Dazai won't tell anyone! Telling someone would mean admitting that anything happened in the first place, and clearly there is no point to that. At all.

When Dazai replies, he's obviously talking with his mouth full. Has he seriously stolen some of the Forbidden Snacks already?!? This guy...]

Then how about you ask?

[Conversation during the movie is fine. It's not like only watching a movie will be enough to entertain Dazai for long anyway, even if the movie is great.]

[Chuuya is just going to push those Forbidden Snacks a bit further away when he realizes. There's no point in making this too easy for Dazai, he does want it to annoy him at least a little.]

Yeah, that's what I -- Wait, it's not a romantic movie, right?

[He says it almost at the same time as the kid in the movie, and then gets a little embarrassed when the grandfather character corrects the assumption. But he definitely didn't sign up for romance.

Oh well.]

It's about your rat. [As if Chuuya isn't sleeping with Fyodor, too.] He told me to ask about you that deal you two made.

[Chuuya not even saying anything about Dazai's blatant theft clearly means that Dazai needs to step up his game! But that's for later. Maybe. They'll see how it goes...]

Can't handle a kissing movie, Chuuya?

[Heh. Well, if it was that boring, Dazai wouldn't be subjecting himself to it, either. Not that he's planning to admit that one way or the other.]

... Oh? He did, did he?

[Talk about ruining the mood. Dazai's eyes stay on the movie, and his voice doesn't really change, but there's something especially dead in his eyes as he replies.

Too bad it won't spread to all the rest of him.]

Why would I bother watching a movie like that when I can go out and get laid instead?

[Which isn't the same as romance at all, and also, Chuuya isn't going out to get laid lately. He's got enough on his plate with two assholes in his life.

Though maybe he shouldn't have brought up the other one. He knows Dazai well enough to be able to tell - not by his eyes, but by his lack of any other reaction. He can't always read his ex-partner, but he can do it better than most. He sighs, leans forward to refill Dazai's glass and fill his own, so they have something to drink.]

Not like you have to answer.

Mhm. How right you are.

[Nothing about that statement is right, but quasi-sarcastic agreement will do for now. It's not like Dazai can really start an argument about the difference between fucking and feelings, anyway. (He could! But it could only fuck himself over, so he won't.)]

Chuuya... If our darling Dos-kun urges you to ask about something, that will be to his benefit, not yours.

[Which isn't to say that Dazai won't answer any questions per se, but he kind of hates that Chuuya would ask all the same. Truly, everyone's favorite tiniest executive has no sense of self-preservation at all.

Drinking more sounds like a wonderful plan right about now, but also possibly like a bad idea, so Dazai has a sip. It is, perhaps, partly to keep busy.]

[Chuuya grabs his own glass, swirls the liquid around for a second. He doesn't really want to get drunk yet, he doesn't want to miss the movie, but it really is so much easier when they're drinking. He sips it, then sets it back down.]

I know that. It's not like I don't know what his goal is

[He plans to rid the world of ability users, and that includes a lot of people Chuuya has to protect. Even if he doesn't kill them, even if he just removes their abilities somehow, the fallout would hurt people Chuuya has to protect. So he can't allow it.]

I'm curious even if it won't get him what he wants.

I wonder if either of us knows what he really wants.

[Which is, in many ways, quite an admission - but it's also embarrassingly obvious, so it probably evens out. Dazai lets his head fall back, staring at the ceiling instead of the movie. (It's fine, he's still listening. More or less.)]

There's no point in thinking about that too much anyway. A person's goals are rarely static.

[And Dazai still hopes to change Fyodor's. Not because it would be an achievement, or even because it would save the world a lot of suffering (though that, too, is important, he supposes!), but because... Dazai has relaxed a bit, after Seeing the Light (~~drain from Odasaku's eyes~~) and finding a purpose, no matter how imposed it was upon him; he genuinely hopes for Fyodor to have a similar experience. Existence is bad enough as it is.]

[Hearing Dazai admit that is a surprise. He glances at him, but Dazai is looking away.]

I know some of what he wants. I know there's a lot I don't know.

[And he knows he probably shouldn't trust anything Fyodor tells him at all, that he's a manipulative rat bastard, but he still does. He knows he's being manipulated as well, but that doesn't mean everything is a lie. Fyodor does want them.

Since Dazai is looking away, it's Chuuya's turn to reach for some of the Forbidden Snacks, eating while Dazai can't steal from his hand. He's still trying to pay attention to the movie, not as good as Dazai at multitasking.]

Whatever that deal is, you wouldn't have made it with him if you thought it was worthless.

[W o w how dare you steal his snacks?! Just try to make a grab for them again in a little bit; the bag will be gone altogether, having magically ended up on Dazai's side sometime between him staring at the ceiling and him adopting a normal pose for movie-watching again.]

It's not worthless. [Obivously, or he wouldn't have made it.] That doesn't mean it's easy to accomplish.

Perhaps it's even the opposite by definition.

[There's no real value in things that are easily achieved, after all. Certainly on Fyodor and his level, that strongly applies. Does he really want to share with Chuuya, though..? He's not even sure that Chuuya would get the point - which is to Chuuya's credit if anything, but it's true all the same.]

[Oh, it's on now. The Snack Wars have begun. At least, once Chuuya realizes that the snacks have been stolen and relocated, which he hasn't yet, too busy with the ones in his hand. And they're not even his favorite - he did buy his own favorites, too.

That's not the point.]

He said it's why he's not moving forward with his plans yet.

[Which could be have been a lie, of course. Fyodor could be working towards his goal and simply keeping it hidden, but Chuuya doesn't think so. Maybe that's him being naive. He knows he doesn't stand a chance at predicting Fyodor, but -- ]

What are you trying to accomplish, Dazai?

Did he really?

[It's still only a 50% chance at best, Dazai thinks, that that is true - because that's how it would be if he said such a thing. Does he believe that Fyodor has abandoned his plans for now? Yes, certainly - if only because Dazai has made as sure of that as he possibly can (which frankly isn't a lot). But Dazai has no illusions: he's convinced that Fyodor will keep his plans ready to go for whenever he changes his mind or just gets a convenient opportunity. That's just how things are.]

... Call it a social experiment.

[Maybe not the best description of trying to get Fyodor to the side of good, but stating that goal outright... sounds positively ridiculous, even to Dazai. Not only is he anything but sure he can pull it off, but he's not entirely sure he's not lost his mind for even trying to accomplish something so ridiculous. Still... it would be the ultimate accomplishment, and it would make him feel more confident about his own "career change" from back then, and it would conveniently do away with the need to kill one of the few people capable of playing on his level.

If it all works out, of course. Which is an astronomically big "if", and so Dazai quickly tries to change the subject.]

Pay attention to the movie, Chuuya!

[Something exciting may or may not be happening on screen. Either way, Dazai wants to enjoy his forbidden snacks now, and that will be easier if Chuuya isn't looking at him.]

[Chuuya frowns a bit, because that is not an answer.]

What kind of social experiment?

[Not that he'll push if Dazai doesn't want to answer. Maybe he'll ask Fyodor again, see if he's willing to tell him if Dazai really wants, though he sort of doubts it. There's definitely a reason why Fyodor wanted him to ask Dazai first, and there's no reason for him to change his mind about that. It's a bit frustrating to be kept out of the loop, but it's not like Chuuya isn't used to it. It's fine.

Though he'll keep pushing just in case.

Though when Dazai tells him to, Chuuya is quickly turning back to the movie. He had been forgetting to pay attention. He's not as good at multitasking as Dazai is, and for a second he's confused, trying to catch up with the plot, which thankfully didn't move very far yet.]

Did she just faint the second that guy so much as touched her?

[He's definitely not impressed with Buttercup yet.]

[Really, Dazai shouldn't have a problem with telling Chuuya everything, because he's told Fyodor everything. At that point, what need is there for secrets? But Chuuya is always 1% explosively unpredictable, even if he's 99% extremely predictable. It's not worth taking the chance. Also: maybe Dazai just doesn't want to admit to doing a thing that is not only likely to fail, but Chuuya will be aware when it fails. Nobody ever said Dazai wasn't petty!

At the same time: doesn't it kind of defy the point of the experiment regarding himself, if he doesn't tell? If all else fails, he can always say it's a joke or something! And so he deadpans, staring at the tv:]

Experiment "Can A Bay Guy Live On the Side of Good", part 1a.

[Since he himself is part 1, clearly. Not that he cares to point that out. Or talk about this much more.

More importantly: the movie!]

You often faint when I touch you too, Chuuya.

[... No. No, that's only after Corruption.]

[Dazai obviously doesn't want to talk about this, or he'd just explain, without Chuuya needing to push. On the other hand, the fact that it's possible for Chuuya to push for more information at all is rare. Usually Dazai just clams up, shuts him down, pretends he doesn't even know what Chuuya is talking about, something. All he's doing now is some half-hearted attempt at distracting him.

And Chuuya is curious, so:]

I guess that depends on what you mean by good. [Didn't they talk about that once? Chuuya still thinks a lot of the definitions of good and bad people use are worthless.] But apparently you can do it somehow, so.

[Which makes him wonder if he's somehow getting in the way of those plans. Chuuya is, after all, on the side of bad, even if he refuses to think of the mafia as anything bad at all. Still, he's not exactly encouraging a change of behavior in Fyodor. But he doesn't want to think about that.

So he'll try to elbow Dazai instead. Not too hard, though, he doesn't want to ruin movie night.]

I never faint because you touch me, asshole. But maybe pretending to would be a good way to avoid having to deal with you.

[They did have some talks about "good" and "bad" at one point, didn't they? For what it's worth, Dazai agrees that the boundary is, for the most part, arbitrarily drawn, or at least not based on more than the whim of some person who stands to benefit by encouraging some behaviors and villainizing others.

Maybe that's what he, himself, is trying against all odds to gain from his personal experiment, even though his reasons for engaging it at all were external: maybe he's trying to find that elusive something "good" that goes beyond human hypocrisy and codependence both.

Chuuya's comment that he's succeeding at being "good" shouldn't be surprising, since it doesn't go beyond the aforementioned window-dressings of "good", but somehow Dazai is a little taken aback anyway, turning his head to look at Chuuya, blinking, before he quickly focuses on the movie again. Why does it feel sort of nice to have Chuuya acknowledge his efforts? If anything, shouldn't that make him feel worse?!

Better not think about it too deeply. He's sure Chuuya didn't.

Oof, that hurts! Allow Dazai to be extra dramatic about it, if only so he can grab some more snacks, and/or the bottle of the booze, in the process. (And you thought he couldn't multitask!)]

I wouldn't take that chance if I were you, Chuuya. Whether you pretend or not, I might just be inclined to have my way with you~!

[Of course Chuuya has thought about it. He's seen how Dazai acts - and, more importantly, he remembers how he used to act. He remembers how Dazai could completely disregard lives, other people, often just for shock value, but sometimes losing himself in his own terrible actions. And it's not like it's not there anymore. It's not like Chuuya hasn't seen that in Dazai's eyes, but --

There's definitely something different there, too.

But he won't point that out. He still has so many questions about that deal, but he'll drop it for the moment, wanting to collect his thoughts on the matter anyway. And even if he didn't, that statement would have immediately derailed him.]

Try it and regret it, asshole.

[As if that didn't just spark something in his gut. As if his cheeks are not heating up thinking about it. They both know Chuuya gets off on exactly that.

So he's going to distract Dazai by --

Where are the snacks?!]

Give that back!

[Gonna immediately lean over him to try to snatch those.]

[Honestly, Dazai isn't sure how much he's changed over the years, if he's changed at all. Has he just grown up a little? Is this what it means to become an adult?? (Doesn't it really just equal being Tired™ and/or giving up?!) He doesn't know, but because this is, at its core, a mission from Odasaku, he can afford not to overthink it most of the time.

He blames Fyodor for sometimes not being capable of that anymore. Well... he mostly blames himself for engaging Fyodor on that front. Chuuya, by comparison, is blessedly simple to deal with, even if he's not always simple to push away either.]

Oops! [Dazai tries to hold the snacks high and out of reach, because what else are long arms good for?] Are these not meant for both of us, Chuuya?

[... By that reasoning he should let Chuuya have some, but, you know...]

[Chuuya is successfully distracted from the topic. He tries to snag the snacks, but fails when Dazai holds them out of reach. Damn him and his long legs. Damn him for being so fucking tall.]

Since I went out and bought them while you were being lazy, I get to eat first.

[Sure, he just made that rule up, but isn't that how rules work?

And he's not giving up just because Dazai is taller. There's an easy solution, which is to climb right into Dazai's lap, straddling his thighs before making another grab at the snacks. The war has officially started.]

Who was being lazy? I spent a considerable amount of time and effort to choose a suitable movie - and then you rudely vetoed it!

[Which, admittedly, was entirely within the realm of expectations, but Dazai doesn't have to admit that. With Chuuya climbing into his lap to gain height, he instead holds the snacks out as far to the side as he can.]

Clearly I have first snack rights, Chuuya!!

[Dazai can make up rules on the spot, too!]

You knew I was going to veto it. That's why you had this one ready as an option.

[Not that Chuuya is watching right now. He's mostly forgotten about the movie, facing Dazai in an effort to get those snacks. When Dazai holds them out to the side, Chuuya leans out sideways to try to get them, holding on tight with his legs to keep his balance. It's risky, but Dazai only has one hand free to fuck with him right now, so it's worth it.

He tries to snatch the bag.]

You don't have any snack rights at all!

Having a backup plan is only natural, Chuuya! You're the only one whose plan is never more than "beat everyone up until something changes".

[Not watching the movie is a crime against cinematography, but it's not like Dazai's doing that much better. He's in a better position to sorta-kinda keep following it, though, and better at dividing his attention than Chuuya is.

But he's also not in the mood for an actual fight here and now, so he'll let Chuuya take the snacks, and move back to the booze instead, as a quiet counter-strike, and to childishly not lose at the game. It's not like he actually felt the need to eat anything anyway! And booze is always good.]

Pay attention to the movie already. You're ruining movie night!

Edited 2022-06-29 11:21 (UTC)

[Chuuya was going to keep arguing, but he hadn't expected to actually get the snacks. He stares at them for a second, surprised, before digging some out of the bag to eat. He's definitely pleased, but too surprised to be as smug about his victory as he should be.]

What did I miss?

[He twists to look over his shoulder, and then lets himself slide off Dazai's lap to sit next to him again, though still with one leg thrown over Dazai's thighs like he forgot it was there, staying close as he gets comfortable. He leaves the bag in his lap, angled so Dazai can take some if he wants. It was never about preventing Dazai from actually getting any, after all.

And now it seems more important to grab his own drink as well.]

[Keeping Chuuya from being smug is always the main goal, so: mission accomplished!

Grabbing into the snack bag without even looking in its direction - you just want him to grab your crotch, don't you, Chuuya?! - Dazai gestures with his glass-bearing hand at the tv. Just watch!]

A dapper fellow has joined the scene~

[Ominously following everyone, but clearly that's not nearly as important as him looking good.]

[If Dazai grabs his crotch, it's clearly because Dazai really wants to?! Though watching an entire movie with an erection would be uncomfortable at best, so he'd actually prefer Dazai waits, at least a little bit, before they go there. It's not like it's not inevitable. Unless Chuuya gets too drunk, that is.]

That big guy could just crush that bald guy's head. And he should.

[He leans forward a bit as he watches the masked man climb up the rock face, at the banter between him and the long haired one. He's definitely a bit more interested in the movie now.

He does love the prospect of a duel.]

So he's pulling him up so they can fight for real? I'd definitely do the same.

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