indensity | when you're helpless, waiting to collide

when you're helpless, waiting to collide

[Chuuya has lost all track of time while he's been there. The drugs they've injected him with has him slipping in and out of consciousness, and it's making it difficult to think, made worse by the fact that every inch of his body seems to hurt. He only vaguely remembers the fight. He's pretty sure his coffee had been drugged when he bought it, that or his croissant, and then when he'd felt so dizzy only his ability could keep him standing, he'd been attacked out of nowhere by two ability users. One of them had some sort of lightning based ability, he's not sure about the other.

He's pretty sure he has a concussion.

He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.

At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]

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[He dumps the snacks away from them both, since Dazai isn't fighting for them. He should have stolen the rest of the popcorn bag along with that one kernel, clearly, just to actually get one over on Dazai.

He tosses a napkin at Dazai as well.]

Choking would have been what you deserve.

[Except, no, Chuuya would have freaked out. But still.]

[Dazai catches the napkin Chuuya throws at him - which is a lot harder than it looks, but of course he manages. Of course they both manage. He very elegantly dabs at his mouth with it before sticking it into his pocket. (Is he just stealing for fun now?? It's hard to say.)]

You don't believe that.

[Which is probably not a call-out he should be making, now or ever, but the words leave his lips regardless.

Oh well, it's probably fine.]

[The only reaction he gets is a slightly annoyed look, Chuuya turning his head away, back towards the tv. He doesn't like being called out. Anyway, he wasn't called out, because Dazai is wrong, as always.]

Yeah, you would have ended up coughing on me if you did.

[Clearly the only reason he wouldn't want Dazai to choke on anything.

And -- oh, is that guy in the movie finally going to get revenge? He's going to ignore being called out (he's not sulking) and focus on that, making a small jump in excitement, punching the air with his free hand, as Inigo Montoya finally kills his father's murderer.]

Yes! I knew he wouldn't chicken out!

[So maybe he gets really into movies, don't tell anyone.]

You really think I couldn't choke on something properly?!

[Dazai lets his head fall back against the couch in mostly-faux annoyance, briefly closing his eyes, but he's not really that emotionally invested either way. It's just a bit annoying when he could call Chuuya out, and he probably should call Chuuya out, but if he did so, he would be bringing attention to a fact - i.e. Chuuya actually caring - that he would rather be ignoring at the moment, himself. This is true suffering! He could be calling out Chuuya six ways to Sunday, and yet..!

Fortunately the movie is a good distraction - and, for the record: Dazai is not the least bit surprised at how into things Chuuya got. He's the same with games, after all. Heck, he's the same with everything, isn't he? Not that Dazai is jealous, or anything.]

Well, there's no way a movie would have let things end differently... but I will agree that it's well deserved.

[You know, that "deserving" thing that he just admitted was bullshit. That deserving. But, even if it's just a social construct at best... it's not so bad, in movies and the like? Perhaps the concept is even more artificial there, but all the same... there's a certain beauty in something fake being played as something fake.

Maybe Dazai doesn't mind movies, either. But they're a lot easier to enjoy with a simpleton like Chuuya, enjoying them vicariously through him just enough that all the things that are emphatically wrong and/or fake don't stand out as much somehow.]

I think you have to be as annoying as possible about everything you do, including choking.

[Though what would be more annoying: Dazai choking and coughing on Chuuya, clearly fine; or Dazai choking without being dramatica and obnoxious about it, so Chuuya can't easily tell that he's fine?

He's not gonna think about it.

Dazai slumps back against the couch, and Chuuya slumps back into him, as though he's also fake annoyed, and not just settling against Dazai again like he's wanted to, so he can keep enjoying it for now, until the movie ends. It's wrapping up, after all, and they don't do this that often. He wants to do it more, but he won't say that.]

Sometimes they pretend to take some weird moral highground.

[He waves it off. It's not important, since the movie didn't do that, but he does find it annoying when it usually feels too naive at best.]

He should have been the main character. The couple isn't bad, though.

[They're "the couple" now, much as he claimed their relationship was doomed.]

"Annoying" is a matter of perspective.

[And Dazai's perspective is: if it only annoys Chuuya, it doesn't count. So there.]

Mhm, that's the one downside of the black-and-white classics. Stunningly beautiful, but morally patronizing.

[He could have gone for some nice noir, otherwise, but... having morals shoved in your face like that ruins the suspension of disbelief, doesn't it? Especially for people like them.]

Here I thought you'd be into the giant.

[Not only for the obvious reasons... but also for those, let's face it.

Well, Inigo was always going to be Chuuya's favorite, though.]

With you it's not. It's always annoying.

[Says the person clearly enjoying Dazai's company. And even agreeing with him, which is annoying, but too many movies have been ruined for both of them because they lean too heavily on some message of morality that could never apply to their lives. Although - ]

Shouldn't you agree with those movies now? Since you're a good guy or something.

[Just saying, Dazai. But also - ]

I'm not into giants? [Pause.] And you're not even a giant. [Pause.] And I'm not into you.

[Covering all his bases. Almost all. He can sense it, he knows what's coming, this is building up into Dazai being a dick. He knows there's a short joke coming. He snatches a piece of chocolate, and the second he sees Dazai's mouth open, he's going to shove that into his mouth to cut him off from speaking.]

I'm not? [Wait, what? No, he does have a point:] I'm on the side of good. There's a difference.

[He's not a good person, though, and he never claimed to be (at least: not seriously). Apart from anything else: that's clearly impossible when he's not a person to begin with??

There was definitely a short joke coming, but something about Chuuya making the implications so personal surprises Dazai, even though it really shouldn't. That was one layer of meaning he hadn't intended! He opens his mouth - and Chuuya shoves some chocolate in there. Hmm... Well, the second or two of thinking time it provides him is honestly welcome, though he still chomps away the chocolate quickly enough.]

... You're not?

[You're not into him, Chuuya? Really? Somehow, Dazai manages to utter the question lightly and sincerely, like Chuuya being into him is as obvious as grass being green.]

To be on the side of good, you have to believe in good. Or something.

[Okay, so maybe he doesn't believe in it all that strongly. He's pretty sure Dazai is on the side of those people, anyway, more than any idea of "good," though he doesn't want to actually ask. It's awkward enough without them actually taking the converstion seriously.

Not that the rest of the conversation is any better. He's just going to

Shove two pieces of chocolate into Dazai's mouth, and arm himself with more.]

Definitely not.

[Mmm, more chocolate! Now there's a welcome side effect to what was, actually, a somewhat-almost-kinda genuine question. Dazai hums thoughtfully as he noms, still relaxing on the couch. The final moments of the movie aren't as interesting as this, anyway: he can afford to have his attention wander further as he enjoys his chocolate. And then his mouth is once again unoccupied.]

First time I've heard of that!

[If his question from before was simple and sincere, entirely unconcerned, then his reaction to Chuuya's answer is much the same. If that's how it is, then that's how it is! Not that Dazai believes it is, necessarily, but it's interesting to consider whether it would be better or worse than the alternative.]

[It's the sincere tone that's getting to him. If it was mocking in any way, if Dazai was trying to call him out, he could just hide behind his anger, they'd squabble, they'd move on. But he's saying it so casually and Chuuya doesn't know how to counter that, although he's still considering hitting Dazai in the face with a pillow.

Or making him choke on those chocolates.

Or just letting gravity pull him through the couch and the floor until he can escape through the apartment below.]

It's not like you need to ask if I'd have sex with you.

[And clearly, that's the only thing that's relevant here, so they're changing the subject!]

Next time, you don't get a say in what movie we watch.

Of course not. But that's different.

[Dazai isn't going to push the subject any further, though: he's as happy to leave it behind them as Chuuya seems to be. He's really not sure why he brought it up anyway, except... maybe it's sort of reaching out? Trying to connect on a slightly higher level? Ish???

Nah, he's probably just got a sugar high. These things are dangerous when combined with alcohol, don't you know?]

I'd leave the movie choice to Chuuya, except you always pick the worst movies.

[What really is the point of action movies for people like them, especially if Chuuya's just going to spend them critiquing technique?]

Yeah. Of course it's different.

[He says it reluctantly, and then doesn't immediately say anything else. He doesn't answer Dazai's comment about his taste in movies. For some reason, he doesn't feel like starting one of their usual squabbles after all, even though it should be safe and familiar. It's what they always do. He squeezes Dazai's hand, like a question.

Now it feels dangerous.

He lets out a soft noise, frustration, or like he's giving up. His movement is smooth as he shifts into Dazai's lap, but there's none of his usual confidence in his body language.]

I'm not even drunk, you bastard.

[He kisses him. He usually keeps his eyes open while they kiss, but they're shut now. There's none of his usual urgency, no attempt to push this into something more. He's not being rough at all. It's just a kiss, because there's no way he can answer Dazai's questions without humiliating himself, and this way he can deny everything if he has to.

And this way, Dazai can't talk, either.]

[It's rare for Dazai to say or do anything without a specific goal in mind, but as much as he tries to come up with his own motivation after the fact, he can't. That's fine, he thinks: there's some amusement in doing something randomly, too, and if this was a bit more sincere than he usually is... there's no reason why he needs to admit to that, or why he should have it stay that way if he decides to change his mind. And so it's fine. It's just a bit weird when Chuuya holds his hand that way - somehow the gesture still holds more meaning than it should, coming from Chuuya - and Dazai tries to reset his course for the million ways this encounter could go next.

Kissing is an effective way of shutting Dazai up, as long as Dazai is willing to go along with it - and, surprising or not, at this moment he is. When the kiss ends or slows down, however, his lips curl into a smirk.]

It's true, just like you said... I don't need to ask.

[Heh. Sex for him~! Not only did he not have to ask, but he really wasn't even aiming for it, either. His charm is just that powerful~!
... Well, maybe the fact that he doesn't bother saying that proves he doesn't really believe it. But it's a nice flow of thoughts to roll around in, and so he does.]

Edited 2023-04-03 16:59 (UTC)

[Chuuya doesn't immediately open his eyes again. But then, he doesn't need to to know that Dazai is smirking.]

Shut up. Who says I'll have sex with you?

[Except if this isn't about sex, then Chuuya kissed Dazai for another reason. If this isn't about sex, then it's because Chuuya is into Dazai, just like Dazai was asking him about... And he can't admit to anything like that.

He'd never live it down.]

But I guess I don't mind letting you fuck me.

[He kisses him again, still strangely gentle. He's never been good at doing anything like this without violence. He's holding himself back, wanting to be close, not wanting to be the one to ruin it. His lips drift along Dazai's jaw for a moment.]

If you promise to shut the fuck up.

[Sex is easier to think about, and talk about, than any possible alternative. And, sure, Dazai enjoys sex well enough. He's not really aiming for it here, though: it just seems to be the path of least resistance, and it's definitely the path of least inconvenience, so he sort of veers in that direction for convenience alone. It's not even a deliberate attempt to avoid other topics, as such; if anything, that part of it is just old habit. He's relatively relaxed about the idea of talking about more, for the moment.

But frankly he's far more about this lazy kissing, kissing Chuuya back in kind. It surely can't be that silly-if-nice-enough movie that has put him in such a relaxed mood, and yet relaxed he is, highly unusually.

Not so relaxed that he'll let Chuuya have everything his way, though. He's not dead (to his everlasting regret).]

Not a chance~

[Maybe he doesn't quite hate you right now, Chuuya, but if you think he'll shut up for you, think again! You're probably short (pun intended) on thoughts anyway.

Hmm, he better kiss Chuuya again before Chuuya can throw too much of a hissy fit.]

[It really does feel nice to kiss like this. Chuuya can feel himself melting, his body relaxed, though his skin feels like it's tingling. He slides a hand into Dazai's hair, fingers brushing through the strands, soft.

Maybe he likes it like this, too. It doesn't have to be rough.

He still shouldn't let Dazai keep being so smug. He should definitely say something so he can't get the last word in. But then they'd be stuck in an argument, a never ending back and forth, and they wouldn't be kissing. He makes a slight face at Dazai when he speaks, to let his annouance known... But then Dazai is kissing him again, and he doesn't actually want to break it.

So instead he'll lick into Dazai's mouth, leaning up closer, deepening the kiss, and acting like he's taking control for a second. Like he could make Dazai work for it. A reminder that he doesn't have to be easy. Even though he wants to be.]

[Maybe that's the single thing they can agree on: they both want Chuuya to be easy... and yet neither of them would enjoy it if that was always the case.

It's a very comfortable couch and very comfortable kissing, and Dazai makes no attempt to hurry things on to any next level of physical intimacy. He does, however, put his hands on Chuuya's butt and thigh - just to keep him safely seated, of course! That his fingers are lightly stroking Chuuya through his clothing is definitely just a coincidence.

... Okay, yeah, it's definitely not. Still, he really doesn't mean to rush anything. He's really enjoying just touching Chuuya! (You gotta pet your dog, don't you know?!)]

[No, they'd get bored if it was always easy. It wouldn't feel like them. But maybe - just for now - it's okay.

This is still, as much as he is able, a confession.

But he wouldn't be Chuuya if he wasn't also impatient. He's enjoying the kiss, but the more Dazai starts to touch, the more Chuuya starts to shift in his lap. Maybe Dazai didn't mean to rush things, but it's never taken much to get Chuuya going, and already his body is responding, making him want more. Making him want Dazai. He breaks the kiss, just for a second.]

No teasing.

[Not that he's stopping him. He'll just move a bit closer, so that if Dazai makes him squirm, he'll be rubbing on his cock and teasing him back.]

I'm not teasing.

[Dazai declares, mock-offended. And it's true (for once!): he hadn't intended to tease. Maybe he'd touched that way out of habit. Maybe he'd just wanted to touch!

... That is absolutely no guarantee that he won't tease later, though, and given Chuuya's complaining about it, Dazai is now practically morally obligated to. Still, that is for later, if and when he feels like it.]

You don't want me to stop touching you, do you?

[It's fine, Chuuya! You can say it!

Or not. Dazai intends to keep kissing - and, ideally, touching - regardless of what Chuuya says. It's not like he's forcing Chuuya to sit in his lap. In fact, isn't it the opposite?? Clearly Dazai should be the one complaining, here!!]

Consider it a warning.

[Not that he's really invested in his objection. He really does like the way that Dazai is touching him, he just gets embarrassed by his own reactions when he's being teased.]

I didn't say I want you to stop.

[Logic level: flawless. But he'll keep touching too, combing through his hair, nails lightly scraping his scalp. He kisses Dazai again, and he wants to melt into him fully. He won't let himself, but the thought crosses his mind. This is the point where usually he'd bite, or pick a fight, because he doesn't know what to do with anything this soft.]

[Dazai, for one, isn't putting too much thought into the unusual softness of the moment, beyond noticing how soft it is, and deciding he doesn't mind it. He doesn't quite have the same emotional hang-ups that Chuuya does - score one for not having those pesky emotions ~~much~~, he's sure ~~or he wishes~~ - but he does expect Chuuya to escalate things soon enough. It's only the fact that Chuuya doesn't that belatedly gives Dazai pause. Personally he doesn't mind this change of pace, but for Chuuya to accept it... Is that really okay? Of course Dazai knows there are some complicated feelings between them (mostly from Chuuya to him, of course!!!), but for Chuuya to give in to that is something else.

Is that really a good thing? It's nothing if not a complicating factor, but Dazai isn't sure he can honestly say it is bad - and that complicates things more than anything else.]

... You're rather agreeable when you're not talking, Chuuya.

[Sharp wording aside, it's a rather gentle comment between soft and slow kisses. It's not really intended as self-sabotage either, for once... so maybe this is Dazai's attempt (God forbid) at giving a genuine compliment without making things awkward.]

[Chuuya risks humiliation. He's being vulnerable like this, and that almost never ends well for him. More than that... Isn't this complicated enough already? He's overthinking it. He's trying not to. This is why it's easier when he's drunk.

Then again, because he's not drunk, it's easier to hold himself back. Even though he's also impatient, always, another detail that usually pushes him to rush things.]

I'm the one who should be saying that!

[He can tell by the tone it's not meant as an insult, though. It's -- wait. Agreeable? It's a compliment? And worse than that, did he technically just compliment Dazai back?

Give him a second to process all of that. But after that second (or five) has passed:]

Keep doing what you were doing, maybe you'll get what you want.

[Because he knows Dazai well enough, in the end. And Dazai was saying this is okay, the soft moment is okay. Which means every argument except Chuuya's own impatience is no longer relevant, and that much he can control himself on. Since this really is kind of nice.]

[Chuuya definitely just complimented Dazai~! Not that that was Dazai's goal, but he knows that Chuuya will hate it once he realizes, and that alone makes it a lot of fun. (That Dazai basically started it is clearly irrelevant. It's like getting the last laugh in: only the last one matters!)]

You say that as if it's not what you want as well.

[Dazai doesn't mind letting this happen, letting whatever it is they have evolve to a next level... even if it's probably only briefly, or the "next level" in question is barely a millimeter above what they had before. But he's not going to let Chuuya pretend that this is something Dazai wants that Chuuya is only reluctantly going along with.

It's fine if they both don't actively want it, though. In fact, isn't that easier? It's just happening, and maybe that's enough. It'll be better for both of them if they don't read more into it than that.

And so Dazai continues kissing, slowly and lazily - and somehow enjoying that surprisingly much, for how simple it is. He'll let some time pass this way to make sure Chuuya is back in the mood, before he starts touching Chuuya again, tracing fingers along his thighs, and up to the waistband of his pants so he can open it when he thinks the time is right.]

[Is it too late to take back the compliment? Can he make Dazai forget it somehow? Maybe he can get him black out drunk to the point this entire evening is erased from his mind --

No, he knows that won't work, and he doesn't really want Dazai to forget all of it, anyway.]

And? I can still deny you.

[But he obviously isn't. He isn't even denying that he wants it. Dazai is kissing him again, and now he can't resist the way he's melting into him, forgetting that he's supposed to always keep his guard up, at least a little. Dazai has always been good at getting past that, when he wants to. And by the time Dazai is touching him again, Chuuya is starting to feel warm and needy, turned on, a little light headed. He's making soft noises against Dazai's mouth.

And he wants to touch, too. Dazai's shirt needs to come off. Dazai always has those damn bandages underneath, but the fewer layers, the better.]

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