when you're helpless, waiting to collide
[Chuuya has lost all track of time while he's been there. The drugs they've injected him with has him slipping in and out of consciousness, and it's making it difficult to think, made worse by the fact that every inch of his body seems to hurt. He only vaguely remembers the fight. He's pretty sure his coffee had been drugged when he bought it, that or his croissant, and then when he'd felt so dizzy only his ability could keep him standing, he'd been attacked out of nowhere by two ability users. One of them had some sort of lightning based ability, he's not sure about the other.
He's pretty sure he has a concussion.
He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.
At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]
He's pretty sure he has a concussion.
He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.
At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]

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But he's not Dazai. Much as he hates to admit it, he doesn't have his ability to see through plans five hundred steps in advance. And there's not really any point in trying to debate Fyodor's motivations when they're both just guessing at this point. Which was Dazai's point. Which means Dazai was right. There's no way Chuuya is telling him that.]
So is he keeping the antidote in his mouth and hoping to get punched?
[Nope, no suicides here. Chuuya will always get in the way of that.]
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Chuuya... You think I get all my brilliant ideas from old movies?!
[Because if you do -... Well, Dazai won't claim it isn't true, but it's not true in this particular case. So, he still wins!
By cheating all cheaters, just like in the movie.]
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[That is in no way true, and he knows it, which is why he's saying it. What better way to annoy Dazai than to doubt his plans? And what better way to enjoy themselves than with their usual banter?
Since they're no longer fighting over Dazai's snacks, Chuuya is going to pull out some chocolate instead.]
Ha! I knew that bald asshole would die.
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[Of course Dazai shouldn't acknowledge Chuuya's words even that much, but... well, maybe he is legitimately offended, just a tiny bit! Even though he shouldn't be!! Chuuya of all people calling him dumb is practically an offense against cosmic order. The only thing worse would be if Chuuya called him short, but that would at least be easy to disprove!]
You sure enjoy these stereotypical movies where the bad guy bites the dust.
[Which is not a complaint as such, or even intended as mockery. It's just an observation that hasn't lost its weirdness over time, considering Chuuya is a self-admitted bad guy.
More importantly: since the snacks are coming back out, Dazai will open his mouth and make an emphatic ahhhhhh~ sound. Feed him some of that chocolate, Chuu~!]
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[The fact that it actually offends Dazai is hilarious, so he's going to keep it up. As if he hasn't been around Dazai when he's come up with some of his plans, as if he hasn't seen him make them on the spot, adjusting them to new variables, offering backup plans faster than most people could come up with shopping lists. He knows how obnoxiously smart his
ex-partner is.But how badly do you want to be a pretty pretty princess, Dazai?]
Because he's annoying. Thinking he can't lose and that his subordinates are useless without him. Of course it's satisfying that he dies.
[It's just logic?? It has nothing to do with good or bad?? Annoying people need to die, clearly.
He hesitates, considering starting another snack fight, but... He's too comfortable like this. He wants to lean against Dazai for as long as Dazai will let him. So he breaks off some chocolate, and then reaches up to pop it in Dazai's mouth for him... Hope you don't mind fingers in your mouth for a second, too, Dazai.]
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and his dickChuuya, gosh!Let's conveniently say that Dazai eats the chocolate before a very belated reply, or Chuuya would just punch him in the face. But at least Dazai will take a moment to suck on Chuuya's fingers before being a dick again.]
Mhm, that's why I stick around Chuuya for my real life inspiration.
[You damn chibi princess, you!!]
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His cheeks are just barely tinged red.]
I'm not wearing a skirt for you again.
[He knows he's the prince charming in this equation. You already assigned him that role, Dazai!]
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Got it~! It'll be a proper dress, next time.
[A pretty ball gown! ... Damn, though, Chuuya could honestly pull off that look.]
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I'm not letting you pick it out.
[...But he's also not difficult to convince if it means getting Dazai's attention.]
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At least make it hot pink?
[Nah, he really doesn't care. But Chuuya has basically agreed to wear a dress now, provided he can pick it out himself, so. 👍 ]
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[He knows Dazai is just being a dick, but if he's going to wear a dress, he's going to make it look good. Dazai knows that. Otherwise, what's even the point?]
I didn't say I'd let you see it, though.
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[Clearly the same thing. But anyway, time for Dazai to be creepy and tilt his head to smile at Chuuya.]
I'll see it.
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[Speaking of - that look is definitely bringing out that redness in Chuuya's cheeks. He's not sure if Dazai means he'll spy on Chuuya and see it, or if he'll convince Chuuya to show him, but either way.]
Wanna bet?
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Are you sure about that? Red is clashing with red right now~
[He says it lovingly, though. He's teasing, because of course he is, but if he loves teasing Chuuya then he can say it lovingly.]
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Shut up.
[Something flutters in his chest at the way Dazai is teasing him. He tries his best to ignore it.]
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What do you think, should I wear a mask like that? [Since Chuuya is the princess, and all.] But I don't think our charming pirate is very cool at all...
[Clearly he's much cooler himself! Potentially excluding the wardrobe choices, but...]
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At least then I wouldn't have to look at your face.
[Clearly he hates looking at Dazai's face.]
He's not. He's just some coward who ran away, right? Otherwise there's no reason for him not to at least send her a letter or something.
That other guy is definitely cooler.
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[As evidenced by their reunion after four years... or something. But that's not really what Dazai is thinking about, or even a dick like him wouldn't have said it.]
You would oversimplify things like that.
And what will become of the "cooler" guy once he loses his goal in life, one way or the other?
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[He also isn’t thinking about those four years. He did claim to celebrate Dazai leaving once, but they both know that had been a lie.]
How is it oversimplifying?
[A shrug, which Dazai can feel against his body with the way Chuuya leans against him.]
He’ll have to find a new goal.
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One on the same level as finding his father's killer?
[That's clearly never going to happen.]
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[He tilts his head to glance up at Dazai and then shrugs. It’s not like he doesn’t know what he’s getting at.]
It’s not like I don’t know what it’s like to lose my purpose, you know. Even if I don’t know what it’s like to have a dad.
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Replacing one with another instantly doesn't count.
[That might be an extremely rude comment, but he doesn't mean anything by it beyond the plain meaning of the words. The point is: in Dazai's opinion, Chuuya couldn't survive without a purpose.]
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Yeah. Because it was always easy for me.
[But he definitely doesn't want to get into that, so.]
Maybe the princess is the best character, though.
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[But he's right anyway, because he always (... well, close enough) is. For what it's worth: that doesn't actually make him happy. But also: he doesn't think Chuuya's situation is anything to be ashamed of? It could even be called strength of character, or something like that.
Well, a rather basic, primal strength, but even so...
Better to change the topic, regardless.]
Ohhh, as expected of Chuuya-hime~! Like favors like!
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He won't complain.]
I'm obviously not her! You're the one who wants to be a princess!
[Okay, he won't complain about that. He'll always complain about Dazai.]
I wouldn't be any of these characters, or all those problems would have been solved already.
[Killed. He means killed.]
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