indensity | when you're helpless, waiting to collide

when you're helpless, waiting to collide

[Chuuya has lost all track of time while he's been there. The drugs they've injected him with has him slipping in and out of consciousness, and it's making it difficult to think, made worse by the fact that every inch of his body seems to hurt. He only vaguely remembers the fight. He's pretty sure his coffee had been drugged when he bought it, that or his croissant, and then when he'd felt so dizzy only his ability could keep him standing, he'd been attacked out of nowhere by two ability users. One of them had some sort of lightning based ability, he's not sure about the other.

He's pretty sure he has a concussion.

He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.

At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]

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[Dazai sighs a long-suffering sigh. How someone as dumb as Chuuya exists and thrives in this world is an abomination even more than it is a mystery.]

One on the same level as finding his father's killer?

[That's clearly never going to happen.]

Yeah. He doesn’t have a choice.

[He tilts his head to glance up at Dazai and then shrugs. It’s not like he doesn’t know what he’s getting at.]

It’s not like I don’t know what it’s like to lose my purpose, you know. Even if I don’t know what it’s like to have a dad.

I doubt you've lost a single purpose in your entire life.

Replacing one with another instantly doesn't count.

[That might be an extremely rude comment, but he doesn't mean anything by it beyond the plain meaning of the words. The point is: in Dazai's opinion, Chuuya couldn't survive without a purpose.]

[Chuuya lets out a small laugh at that, completely without humor.]

Yeah. Because it was always easy for me.

[But he definitely doesn't want to get into that, so.]

Maybe the princess is the best character, though.

I never said anything about it being easy.

[But he's right anyway, because he always (... well, close enough) is. For what it's worth: that doesn't actually make him happy. But also: he doesn't think Chuuya's situation is anything to be ashamed of? It could even be called strength of character, or something like that.

Well, a rather basic, primal strength, but even so...

Better to change the topic, regardless.]

Ohhh, as expected of Chuuya-hime~! Like favors like!

[Add that to the long list of topics they avoid discussing, even though they probably should. Though Chuuya wouldn't even know how, anyway. And besides, what happened was his own fault, and joining the mafia was the best possible scenario in the end, so he can't complain.

He won't complain.]

I'm obviously not her! You're the one who wants to be a princess!

[Okay, he won't complain about that. He'll always complain about Dazai.]

I wouldn't be any of these characters, or all those problems would have been solved already.

[Killed. He means killed.]

I've never wanted to be a princess! Although... [Hmmm, time to consider this in-depth!] ... if some rich man wanted to buy me gifts in an ill-guided attempt to sweep me off my feet, I wouldn't complain.

[He's just saying, Chuu. If you want to do the thing. You have the money. Dazai is right here to give it to... Isn't that basically fate?! A MATCH WRITTEN IN THE STARS!!!]

Not every problem can be solved by punching or kicking it, Chuuya.

[Yup, Dazai knows exactly what Chuuya's brand of "solving" means. The only thing more offensive than the stupid simplicity of it is that it's not altogether ineffective.

But it's still not always effective, so.]

You already steal alcohol and food from me!

[So he doesn't need to buy anything for Dazai, clearly. Even though that alcohol and a lot of the food was bought specifically for Dazai, but they don't talk about that, so it doesn't count.]

Maybe you should get someone to buy you some new shirts.

[Dazai is nearly impossible to buy gifts for anyway. Not that Chuuya doesn't manage, if he wants to.]

I don't solve every problem that way. But this problem should be solved that way.

And if you gave it to me, I wouldn't have to!

[Neither of them wants that awkwardness, really, but Dazai is making a point here! And that point is: Chuuya is no knight in shining armor. (To be fair: Chuuya doesn't need armor.)]

My shirts are fine?

[They don't have any holes! And he makes sure to ~~get Atsushi to~~ wash them regularly. It's fine.]

Yes, yes... [Which translates to "no, no!", for the record.] Just watch the movie. Maybe it will teach you a lesson or two. [ L O L ]

You'd just steal something else!

[He knows how you work, Dazai. There's no way you'd ever make it that easy.]

They're fine, sure, but I already know what a great shirt can look like on you.

[Wait. No. He didn't say that. Forget that. He's going to focus on the movie, like Dazai suggested, but not because Dazai suggested it.]

If it's a lesson you want me to learn, then pass.

Mhm, probably.

[Just going to shamelessly admit that, because honestly, why not? Dazai sees no reason to lie about it. Besides, with Chuuya, it's more fun if Chuuya knows what to expect and can't prevent it.

Slooowly turning his head towards Chuuya because what did you just say there, Chuu??? (No, Dazai knows. But this is still a bit more intense than, you know, the fact that they have sex from time to time.)]

I thought you preferred seeing me without shirts~?

[Huehue~! Dazai makes a note to himself to change Chuuya's ringtone to that annoying "too sexy for my shirt" song at some point. Perfection.]

You don't even know what it is, yet!

[Neither does Dazai, really, but he's going to act offended about it anyway.]

[Chuuya isn't going to acknowledge that. That would just encourage Dazai anyway, so there's no point, and as long as Dazai is satisfied just stealing his booze then he doesn't really care, either. It's better to focus on the -- No, it's not better, not when Chuuya's accidental confession is too embarrassing, but he has to do some damage control if he ever wants Dazai to let him live it down.

He reaches up to shove Dazai's face back towards the TV instead.]

If you're not wearing a shirt, then I'll I'd be stearing at is those disgusting bandages. Why the hell would I want to look at that?

[He should rip them off. He makes a mental note to rip them off.]

Any lesson from you is definitely a trap.

[Shockgasp!]

My bandages are one of my finest features!

[And totally a part of his body... however that works in Dazai's head. (He doesn't need it to work in his own head as long as he can convince others of it, anyway.)

But fine, fine... He's looking at the movie again. It is entertaining enough, after all, in spite of the company. Maybe sometimes because of it. Let's not think too hard on that. ]

Any lesson that works as a trap can't have been learned right.

[That may not technically be true, but it's close enough, and for once Dazai is serious(ish).]

A lesson is just knowledge, Chuuya. Knowledge can be used as a trap, sure, but knowledge itself really can't count as one, even if it makes you miserable.

Since you don't have any fine features, I won't even argue.

[But maybe, in a few minutes, he'll reach for Dazai's wrist... And start to loosen the bandages there, just to be annoying. He can't get them off with Dazai's shirt in the way, but that's not the point right now either.]

Or the real lesson is always just that you like to fuck with me, and nothing else can be trusted.

[Says the guy who actually trusts Dazai. Though he definitely doesn't trust Dazai not to fuck with him, so it's fine, his statement is still true.]

Maybe the movie can teach you a lesson, though.

Fair point. I only have excellent features.

[Or maybe he's "only" arguing with Chuuya for the sake of it. His semi-bored tone would certainly seem to corroborate that.]

You like me fucking with you, though.

[Or was that only the literal fucking? Oh well, it works either way! Meanwhile Dazai doesn't yet make a fuss over Chuuya messing with his bandages, because that might only encourage Chuuya, and Dazai is a bit curious to see where Chuuya's planning on going with it. Let him just channel his curiosity into something else, though.]

And what lesson might it teach me?

Edited 2023-01-27 19:38 (UTC)

Why the hell would I like that?

[You know what, don't answer that. He doesn't like this conversation. He's a little bit distracted by the fact that he's getting away with this, though, unwrapping the bandage from where it wraps around the palm of Dazai's hand, the bottom of his arm... And then not really getting any further once he reaches his sleeve.

But it's rare to be allowed to touch Dazai like this, so he can't resist brushing his finger across skin.]

A lesson about style, maybe.

[He really hadn't thought that one through. But you know what, he'll unbutton Dazai's shirt from around his wrist, too. By now it's a game to see how far he can get before he's stopped.]

[Dazai doesn't answer that, as it happens, though not out of consideration for Chuuya's feelings or anything: it would just be too easy, and so Dazai merely smiles, his expression almost gentle... or it could count as that to anyone who doesn't know better, anyway.

But hey, he's not saying anything! He could do worse!!

Dazai doesn't really see why Chuuya would care about touching him, nor is he sure he shouldn't have more of a reaction to it himself, but by the time things start to head into "maybe going too far" territory, it's kind of too late for Dazai to stop Chuuya. Stopping would show that he cares, after all, and what could he possibly have to gain from that? These things must be weighed carefully.

He's also not really sure he does care about Chuuya getting him beyond-naked, except for the fact that, if it's what Chuuya wants, then Dazai will want the opposite, just on principle. But so far it's... fine? It's whatever, really.]

You're not watching the movie, Chuuya.

[A relatively gentle chiding, all things considered. As for lessons about style: he's not going to dignify that with a response. Look at those outfits on the screen, they're absurd! ... Though Dazai might consider an eye patch in lieu of his old eye bandages anyway. Now that seems stylish! (Not really, on either count.)]

[But if Dazai doesn't say anything, then Chuuya can't even tell him to shut up, so that's clearly worse anyway.]

Asshole.

[That insult will have to do. Dazai has no right to be that smug. Even if Chuuya feels a small thrill at the humiliation of being called out, being seen... No, that's Dazai's point exactly, so Chuuya's not going there. Dazai is wrong, by default, always.

Chuuya has managed to find the end of one roll of bandages, and pulls it out of his sleeve completely, tosses it to the other side of the couch. That's about all he's able to do for now.]

I'm watching. I can do more than one thing at a time.

[The scars on Dazai's arm are not surprising, barely worth a passing thought. How soft his skin somehow feels, that's more unexpected. Wrists often are softer to the touch, but Chuuya always expects Dazai to feel more dried out than he is. But then he's someone who'd hate feeling itchy, of course he takes care of himself to that extent.]

Style is about attitude, too, you know. Conviction.

[It's just an arm, so it should really be fine, and yet it feels like it's pushing a boundary, even if it's not crossing one yet. But it's not crossing one yet, and so Dazai still lets it happen.

Good bandages can do wonders for keeping the skin from drying out, actually! You should try them sometime, Chuuya. Except don't, because then Dazai may just have to give them up. (The only thing that might make him do that.) So yes, Dazai's skin is very soft indeed, only the occasional ridge and bump of a scar interrupting the sensation - and even those are anything but rough, if very different in texture from skin unharmed.]

Are you saying I have no conviction?

[That -... Well, maybe it's not untrue, but it's still not something many people would say about Dazai, and he's a little curious as to how Chuuya might fill that in.

Yet another bit of curiosity that he'll likely regret. But he just doesn't want to bother caring about that. He's still well into the safe zone for now. Besides, having Chuuya focus on him physically is... not so bad. So far. It's probably the same thing people like about a pet dog licking them? Something like that!]

[And isn't that what they've always done? Pushed each other's boundaries, tested each other's limits, crossed that line but never by too much... By some definitions of too much. But then other people's definitions don't actually matter. Not when this is theirs.

It feels like an admission of trust, even if it probably isn't. It's just an arm. But it's still oddly satisfying, and he's not going to think about how that makes him feel.]

You don't want to have it.

[No, that's not right. Of course Dazai wants to have it. It would make his life easier, wouldn't it? If he could really believe. Maybe he'd be less miserable, too. Chuuya frowns, in the way he does when he's actually giving something some thought.

(Distracting him from the movie Dazai told him to focus on.)]

No. But you still hold yourself back from it, just in case. Or maybe it just looks different from other people's.

[This is... intimate. They've had sex so many times, but this is intimate. Without thinking about it, Chuuya curls his hand around Dazai's wrist, thumb stroking slowly back and forth over soft skin.]

As if anything could ever be that straightforward with you.

[Dazai is halfway regretting that he let Chuuya get even this far, the gentle stroking too sensitive on his skin to be fully comfortable. But that's more emotional than physical, and so he ignores his own misgivings. (It's a little too late to act like he's suddenly ticklish just to be annoying, anyway.)]

Anything straightforward can't possibly be real, Chuuya.

[He doesn't quite expect Chuuya to agree with him, because Chuuya is always straightforward as his own way of dealing with things, the polar opposite to Dazai's. But Dazai believes what he says.]

Pretending anything is that simple is merely ignoring the facts, if not being totally ignorant of them. [He sighs and lets himself flop back a little against the couch, though he doesn't try to wrench his arm away from Chuuya at all.] I'm not the latter, and I don't see why I should do the former just because that's what others do.

[Chuuya isn't going to disagree. Maybe Chuuya tries to deal with things in a straightforward way, but a lot of the time that's exactly because it's too complicated. Sometimes, the only way to handle that is to push directly through.

(And it's not like he doesn't have his own way of overcomplicating things, especially for himself.)]

Can't say I blame people who choose to pretend it's that simple, but I'd never expect that from you.

[Didn't he just tell Dazai to have more conviction? But that was teasing. And it's not like conviction has to be some sort of singular motivation anyway, like the guy in this film, living only to avenge his father. Since he'd been leaning on Dazai anyway, Chuuya follows when he flops back, presses a little more firmly against his side.]

But don't pretend you don't end up overcomplicating things, too.

[For being something of a thorn in Dazai's side, Chuuya is rather comfortable leaned against him there. Maybe he's small, but he's just the right size for a personal heater!]

Having more information and seeing more options doesn't equal overcompensating.

[He doesn't quite say that he doesn't overcomplicate, though. Not that he thinks he genuinely does, but sometimes these things are a matter of opinion... and:]

Having a lot of plans is not overcompensating either. It's just having a lot of plans.

[Don't slander his genius self, gosh!!]

[He'd object to being used as a heater... But Dazai is comfortable, too, so maybe it doesn't matter. A good mattress and pillow, even if he's too bony. Chuuya should feed him more.]

I know. Doesn't mean you're not overcomplicating everything.

[On screen, the main character isn't dead after all, and Chuuya has to roll his eyes a little. Of course he wasn't - who would have really thought that he was?]

I take it back, though. I thought about it. In the end you have more conviction than most. [A pause.] True love? He's alive because of true love? The guy who left her?

Doesn't mean I am overcomplicating everything, either.

[He is very good at letting Chuuya get the final word in, what are you even talking about??

Wait - he has more conviction than most? He's usually pretty confident about his many strengths, but this is not one he's ever considered ascribing to himself, and yet he's fairly certain that Chuuya doesn't mean it as an insult, either. It boggles the entirety of his cavernous mind (... it's a submerged cavern??? not empty!!), and even more so when Chuuya follows it up with: "True love?"

The movie. Right.]

He did and he didn't? He had his reasons.

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