![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
when you're helpless, waiting to collide
[Chuuya has lost all track of time while he's been there. The drugs they've injected him with has him slipping in and out of consciousness, and it's making it difficult to think, made worse by the fact that every inch of his body seems to hurt. He only vaguely remembers the fight. He's pretty sure his coffee had been drugged when he bought it, that or his croissant, and then when he'd felt so dizzy only his ability could keep him standing, he'd been attacked out of nowhere by two ability users. One of them had some sort of lightning based ability, he's not sure about the other.
He's pretty sure he has a concussion.
He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.
At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]
He's pretty sure he has a concussion.
He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.
At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]
no subject
[Wait, Dazai is already agreeing to another movie night? It was always going to happen, but they often deny it, and Dazai especially usually likes to be a dick about it, dragging it out and avoiding Chuuya for a bit. He could try to cook. Dazai just doesn't get to complain about how bad it it.
Maybe he could get someone else to cook and bring it over and pretend... No, that wouldn't work with Dazai.
Thinking about cooking is just a lot easier than thinking about this. He's quiet for a second, aside from an annoyed little sound - not really an objection, because he can't really object to the truth as much as he'd like to - to Dazai pointing out he uses Chuuya's anger against him. It still doesn't negate Chuuya's point, though!]
Most people can't use my anger against me. They'd die.
[And his point had still been that Chuuya can use his own anger. He can use it to keep fighting, keep going. He can use it to mask everything else he's feeling, trick people - he can lie when he's angry, because most people won't see past his anger. But.]
Maybe that makes your feelings more honest than most.
no subject
[... Or not. But Dazai does so enjoy making Chuuya do chores for him, and this would be no exception. Chuuya really shouldn't bother, though. There's at least a 95% chance that Dazai will complain about his cooking for the sake of it (though he may or may not go back on that eventually).
As for the anger issue: Dazai will just leave that topic alone. He could argue, but there's no denying that Chuuya makes good use of his anger for his own reasons. And if he's happy that way (or even just convincing himself he is), he is, unfortunately, doing much better at life than Dazai!
He side-eyes Chuuya, not sure if that was supposed to mock him or not, because while it doesn't seem like something Chuuya would mock him for... what else can you expect, with a silly thing like feelings? And, actually: it's the lack of feelings he was talking about?!]
... Honesty has nothing to do with it.
no subject
[He has wanted to, at times, but work comes first. And outside of work, there's not much time. And he avoids spending time alone in his own apartment, so there's not much point anyway, if he'd be cooking for himself most of the time. But maybe he wouldn't mind if it was for Dazai.
No, Dazai would just be a dick about it. It would end with Chuuya throwing burnt pancakes aat Dazai's face.
He leans into Dazai a little more, avoiding that side-eye by only letting Dazai see the top of his head. He knows what Dazai means, anyway, and he doesn't agree at all. His own point wasn't meant as mocking - he knows he sees Dazai differently than other people, but that doesn't mean he's the one who's wrong.]
Yeah, it does. You're just an idiot. [It's not said as an insult. He squeezes Dazai's hand.] You really think I never saw it?
no subject
[He is definitely 100% avoiding as much as he can of the actual topic, because it's a terrible one, and just because he maybe should talk about it, that doesn't mean he wants to. The fact that Chuuya is sorta kinda in-a-Chuuya-way almost complimenting him just makes it extra uncomfortable!
He doesn't pull his hand free, at least. So it is, perhaps, not much of a protest.]
no subject
[Or at least, that's what Chuuya has decided. It's not like Dazai could change his mind anyway.
But maybe he won't mind if there's a change of topic, because it really is awkward, too close to something that definitely isn't allowed. He shifts to look at the TV again, where the movie is building up towards its climax. Chuuya hopes that guy gets his revenge finally, that the movie doesn't chicken out because killing is supposed to be bad.]
If that guy gives up on what he wants, I'm turning off the rest of the movie.
[If someone can actually have what they want, they need to fight for it.]
no subject
[So no :( you're not right at all :(( shut up.]
The movie's already almost over, Chuuya. [So what would turning it off accomplish at this point? Seriously...
Actually, Dazai is just going to turn it off regardless. Because he can, and because he's a dick, and because, on an incredibly childish, petty level, he's still annoyed by Chuuya calling him out.]
Let's just make sure the ending can't get ruined for you, hmm?
[That is definitely why he's doing this. (Nope, definitely not.)]
no subject
What the hell, Dazai?!
[He's more surprised than angry, but he's very good at turning feelings into anger if that's what he needs. It's still the only feeling that makes sense.]
I didn't say I wanted to turn it off yet!
[Which is why Dazai did it, of course. But he still has one hand free (don't question him on why he's not letting go with his other), so he can still try to wrestle that remote away from Dazai.]
no subject
If you're just going to complain about it all the time, what's the point in watching?
[Dazai moves the remote around to dodge any attempts Chuuya makes to retrieve it, though he only moves his arm, not anything else. That would be effort, and he doesn't actually care all that much.]
You don't want to watch a movie, Chuuya. You're only looking for anything that confirms your own points of view.
no subject
Except those words are enough to make him pause.]
That's not what I'm doing.
[It was. And he hates when Dazai calls him out for actually valid reasons. He feels himself deflate a little, sinking back down against the couch, not quite as tucked agains Dazai's side as he was.]
... I want to watch the movie. Those guys deserve a happy ending.
no subject
Oh well, an obedient Chuuya deserves a reward, he supposes. He lowers the remote again, pushing play.]
Nobody really deserves anything, Chuuya.
But let's see how the story goes anyway.
[Was there more popcorn? He's having more snacks.]
no subject
So maybe he's thinking.]
They do. It doesn't mean they'll get it, but they can still deserve it. What someone deserves is just opinion anyway.
[He doesn't believe there's some inherent right some people have to certain things. Although some people do seem to get more than their fair share, don't they?]
no subject
If what someone is thought to deserve is up to chance, and what they actually get is the same, maybe it all evens out?
[He's not sure himself how serious he is about that, really, but it seems as likely as anything.]
Although putting it that way also makes it seem like anyone getting what you feel they deserve is like winning the lottery. [He throws a bit of popcorn into the air, just so he can catch it with his mouth.] Not worth buying a lottery ticket, really!
[Basically just reward and/or murder as you see fit; that makes much more sense. Not that he makes a habit of murder anymore, but it's pretty solid in theory!]
no subject
Or maybe it's up to me to give people what I've decided they deserve.
[Dazai's not the only one who gets to have a bit of a god complex here! Though Chuuya is definitely joking. Mostly. Hey, one of the perks of being powerful is that when someone deserves to get their ass kicked, you can just do it.
And if he decides someone deserves protection, he can arrange that, too.]
But don't buy a lottery ticket. You definitely don't deserve to win, so I'd reward someone else with that money instead.
no subject
It would be weirder if you chose to give people what they didn't deserve, surely?
[No, what Chuuya said kind of makes sense, but Dazai is in no mood to admit that anymore. Just watch the damn movie and stop emotionally and/or culinarily bullying him, gosh!!]
Mwu mweena brado ooie ia uh-ay.
[... So, about that popcorn... It seems the whole rest of it has found itself into Dazai's mouth. All at once. Imagine that!
This is how you give people what they deserve.]
no subject
It would be. But not as much fun for me.
[Because maybe he likes rewarding people. Or maybe because he likes punishing Dazai. Few things are as entertaining as that, even if he's rarely able to get away with it. It's usually worth risking the revenge.
Except eating all the snacks isn't even revenge??]
What the hell, Dazai, you're gonna choke!
[Just gonna try to yank all the snacks back and move them out of his reach, if he can.]
That's disgusting!
no subject
But not as long as you might think.]
On the contrary, it was very tasty.
[Ignore how he's casually wiping some crumbs off his face. He really had to go deep for a moment there!]
My compliments to the chef. [ L O L ]
no subject
He tosses a napkin at Dazai as well.]
Choking would have been what you deserve.
[Except, no, Chuuya would have freaked out. But still.]
no subject
You don't believe that.
[Which is probably not a call-out he should be making, now or ever, but the words leave his lips regardless.
Oh well, it's probably fine.]
no subject
Yeah, you would have ended up coughing on me if you did.
[Clearly the only reason he wouldn't want Dazai to choke on anything.
And -- oh, is that guy in the movie finally going to get revenge? He's going to ignore being called out (he's not sulking) and focus on that, making a small jump in excitement, punching the air with his free hand, as Inigo Montoya finally kills his father's murderer.]
Yes! I knew he wouldn't chicken out!
[So maybe he gets really into movies, don't tell anyone.]
no subject
[Dazai lets his head fall back against the couch in mostly-faux annoyance, briefly closing his eyes, but he's not really that emotionally invested either way. It's just a bit annoying when he could call Chuuya out, and he probably should call Chuuya out, but if he did so, he would be bringing attention to a fact - i.e. Chuuya actually caring - that he would rather be ignoring at the moment, himself. This is true suffering! He could be calling out Chuuya six ways to Sunday, and yet..!
Fortunately the movie is a good distraction - and, for the record: Dazai is not the least bit surprised at how into things Chuuya got. He's the same with games, after all. Heck, he's the same with everything, isn't he? Not that Dazai is jealous, or anything.]
Well, there's no way a movie would have let things end differently... but I will agree that it's well deserved.
[You know, that "deserving" thing that he just admitted was bullshit. That deserving. But, even if it's just a social construct at best... it's not so bad, in movies and the like? Perhaps the concept is even more artificial there, but all the same... there's a certain beauty in something fake being played as something fake.
Maybe Dazai doesn't mind movies, either. But they're a lot easier to enjoy with a simpleton like Chuuya, enjoying them vicariously through him just enough that all the things that are emphatically wrong and/or fake don't stand out as much somehow.]
no subject
[Though what would be more annoying: Dazai choking and coughing on Chuuya, clearly fine; or Dazai choking without being dramatica and obnoxious about it, so Chuuya can't easily tell that he's fine?
He's not gonna think about it.
Dazai slumps back against the couch, and Chuuya slumps back into him, as though he's also fake annoyed, and not just settling against Dazai again like he's wanted to, so he can keep enjoying it for now, until the movie ends. It's wrapping up, after all, and they don't do this that often. He wants to do it more, but he won't say that.]
Sometimes they pretend to take some weird moral highground.
[He waves it off. It's not important, since the movie didn't do that, but he does find it annoying when it usually feels too naive at best.]
He should have been the main character. The couple isn't bad, though.
[They're "the couple" now, much as he claimed their relationship was doomed.]
no subject
[And Dazai's perspective is: if it only annoys Chuuya, it doesn't count. So there.]
Mhm, that's the one downside of the black-and-white classics. Stunningly beautiful, but morally patronizing.
[He could have gone for some nice noir, otherwise, but... having morals shoved in your face like that ruins the suspension of disbelief, doesn't it? Especially for people like them.]
Here I thought you'd be into the giant.
[Not only for the obvious reasons... but also for those, let's face it.
Well, Inigo was always going to be Chuuya's favorite, though.]
no subject
[Says the person clearly enjoying Dazai's company. And even agreeing with him, which is annoying, but too many movies have been ruined for both of them because they lean too heavily on some message of morality that could never apply to their lives. Although - ]
Shouldn't you agree with those movies now? Since you're a good guy or something.
[Just saying, Dazai. But also - ]
I'm not into giants? [Pause.] And you're not even a giant. [Pause.] And I'm not into you.
[Covering all his bases. Almost all. He can sense it, he knows what's coming, this is building up into Dazai being a dick. He knows there's a short joke coming. He snatches a piece of chocolate, and the second he sees Dazai's mouth open, he's going to shove that into his mouth to cut him off from speaking.]
no subject
[He's not a good person, though, and he never claimed to be (at least: not seriously). Apart from anything else: that's clearly impossible when he's not a person to begin with??
There was definitely a short joke coming, but something about Chuuya making the implications so personal surprises Dazai, even though it really shouldn't. That was one layer of meaning he hadn't intended! He opens his mouth - and Chuuya shoves some chocolate in there. Hmm... Well, the second or two of thinking time it provides him is honestly welcome, though he still chomps away the chocolate quickly enough.]
... You're not?
[You're not into him, Chuuya? Really? Somehow, Dazai manages to utter the question lightly and sincerely, like Chuuya being into him is as obvious as grass being green.]
no subject
[Okay, so maybe he doesn't believe in it all that strongly. He's pretty sure Dazai is on the side of those people, anyway, more than any idea of "good," though he doesn't want to actually ask. It's awkward enough without them actually taking the converstion seriously.
Not that the rest of the conversation is any better. He's just going to
Shove two pieces of chocolate into Dazai's mouth, and arm himself with more.]
Definitely not.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)