indensity | when you're helpless, waiting to collide

when you're helpless, waiting to collide

[Chuuya has lost all track of time while he's been there. The drugs they've injected him with has him slipping in and out of consciousness, and it's making it difficult to think, made worse by the fact that every inch of his body seems to hurt. He only vaguely remembers the fight. He's pretty sure his coffee had been drugged when he bought it, that or his croissant, and then when he'd felt so dizzy only his ability could keep him standing, he'd been attacked out of nowhere by two ability users. One of them had some sort of lightning based ability, he's not sure about the other.

He's pretty sure he has a concussion.

He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.

At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]

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[Clearly boredom and depression are the same thing then!??!? What even are you talking about!!!
... Also the answer can't be "Dazai" because he refuses, and clearly he makes the rules.]

Your listening skills can truly use some work, Chuuya.

[Did he not just say that he doesn't particularly want to feel alive?! So rude, just rubbing it in like that! You're gonna make yourself miss the movie too, dumb chibi.

But okay fine.]

I don't know if I feel alive. Nor am I sure that I want to.

[He's not sure he gets it. Except that he sort of gets it. He never used to feel human, connected to his body, to his life, and isn't that the same thing? He used to fight with his hands in his pockets just to increase the risk, just to get that rush of danger, hoping he'd find the will to fight for himself. So really, he gets it, but he doesn't want to get it.

He decided a long time ago it didn't matter, though. He'd live this life no matter how he was made, claim this body as well as the power within, all for himself and his own choices. And he is human.

So he's alive.]

Never thought of myself as someone into necrophilia.

[He's absently touching his collar, thumb brushing over the fastening in the front.]

Those feelings are not actually the most important in the end, though.

I know that I am alive, Chuuya. To my ever-lasting regret.

[That doesn't mean he has to feel alive though, does it? But Dazai doesn't really want to talk about this in the first place - Chuuya is the one who started it!! - and so he uses the first opportunity he gets to try to divert attention from his feelings of all things (ew!).]

So you're into necrophilia, even if you don't feel that way~?

[You really deserve that one, Chuu. How dare you bring feelings into this?!?]

So am I fucking someone undead?

[Technically, Chuuya is the one who was a vampire, but details. This isn't about logic, anyway. He knows Dazai doesn't want to talk about any of this.

He wants to say: I'm happy you're alive. He won't, because Dazai wouldn't appreciate it, and he doesn't want to ruin movie night completely. He'd definitely still want to be fucked by Dazai is he really was undead, though. He'd want that no matter what. He pushes aside those thoughts.]

Would explain your shitty performances.

[Obviously a lie. He gives in, finally, and lets himself lean against Dazai, like he was always going to. See? He's watching the movie!]

Wouldn't explain your persistent incredible horniness, then.

[Given that Dazai is undead and performs shittily and all!! Honestly, Chuu, will you just fuck anything???

Well, Dazai says that, but he's not exactly complaining, and while his words are mocking, he welcomes Chuuya to his side by putting an arm around him. Maybe there are worse things to do than watching a movie with Chuuya (and snacks and booze).]

Obviously it's because you keep leaving me unsatisfied.

[Definitely a lie, and he's not really trying to make it convincing. This is comfortable banter, and that arm has him relaxing into Dazai even more. He's not even aware of it, but he's smiling softly, enjoying the closeness and the fact that Dazai is welcoming it.

He just wants to stay like this.]

If that's true, the fault still lies with you for not seeking satisfaction elsewhere.

[Really, that's just dumb?? But wait...]

... No, I guess you did do that.

[With Fyodor, and all. While Dazai can only agree that their little menage a trois arrangement is pretty nice, it's still complicated, and he can't see it ending well.

The same goes for life in general, though, so. Big shrug there. Dazai knows better than to try to get Chuuya to do anything in particular, anyway: that tends to cause the opposite if anything. And, frankly... Dazai isn't even sure what he should make Chuuya do about their "love" triangle, even if he could make him do anything.]

And that backfired. Now I have to wait for one of you to be free before I can get laid.

[He hasn't outright told Dazai that he's not sleeping with other people, but he's sure Dazai knows anyway. He always does. And he's not actually having sex less either - in fact, it's the opposite, because he rarely had the time to find new people to sleep with before. He likes this arrangement, whatever it is, a lot better.

He tilts his head to glance up at Dazai.]

You know if there's something you're worrying about, you can tell me, right? [It's not difficult to guess - Dazai is always worrying about something, especially when they're supposed to relax, when they're talking about good things.] I'm still your partner.

[Is he still? Was it ever their choice to be partners in the first place? He's offering it now either way.]

Well, it's not as if our darling Fedya has better things to do. In fact, the distraction is probably beneficial to both our sides.

[Dazai, meanwhile, is just so busy all the time! Clearly he couldn't fuck Chuuya more often, even if he wanted to! ... That's also why he's here for a fricking movie night, of course. (Listen, let him pretend he's important!!)]

There's nothing I can say about this that you don't already know.

[Quite an admission, perhaps, but Chuuya isn't stupid - not in most ways, and certainly not by normal standards - and Dazai doesn't feel like making this bigger than it need be.]

He hasn't abandoned his goals yet. There's a good chance he never will.

[And then what? Fyodor may yet try to destroy half the planet; if he gets Chuuya aboard somehow, by trickery or otherwise, Fyodor may just succeed, too. Or he won't, but Dazai will have to kill Chuuya. He's just not very fond of that idea.]

I was gonna ask if I was making your plan harder for you.

[But if he's distracting Fyodor, that probably means he's not. Good. He doesn't actually want to ruin things for Dazai, especially if he's actually found himself some sort of purpose. He glances up at him again.]

I didn't start sleeping with him because I thought he'd change. It's not like I'm a good person, either.

[And he knew sleeping with Fyodor was a bad idea from the start. It had just been fun, a distraction, a thrill - he definitely hadn't expected to get along with him. And now it's more than just that. Now it's... something. A relationship? Even thinking it sounds ridiculous, but he knows what Fyodor would say.

He frowns a little - there's a lot of things he hasn't shared with Dazai.]

But you're changing his opinions at least a little.

[Somehow, Chuuya's consideration for his plans, such as they are - and as conveniently vague as they are - doesn't even surprise Dazai. For all of their complicated relationship/rivalry/partnership/whatever, they both have a great instinct for the things that actually matter to the other, the rare things you Just Don't Fuck With. Dazai doesn't love that this plan of his rates so highly, but at the same time, there's not much he can do about it.

He's about to say that none of them are good people, and that that (probably, hopefully) doesn't matter, but then Chuuya keeps talking, and Dazai is a bit surprised in spite of himself.]

You think so?

Yeah. He's adjusting his plans because he wants more now.

[They've talked about it a lot. Chuuya knows it's because Fyodor is trying to win Chuuya over, wants Chuuya to accept being owned by him. He's telling Chuuya what he wants to hear. He knows that, but that doesn't make it any less real, although now he's finding that admitting it out loud is making him feel naive. Gullible, maybe, except that he knows that he's right about this.

Still, it's easier not to look up at Dazai, so he's making sure to keep his eyes on the movie instead.]

He offered to let me keep my ability.

[Chuuya's complicated feelings on that idea aside, the offer had been telling. Yes, Fyodor was manipulating him, but that didn't make it any less real. He's supposed to hate all abilities, and now there's a crack in that hatred, somewhere.]

[Wanting more is a broad concept that could be either good or terrible, but Dazai smiles at the idea. "More" makes sense, really, regardless of the details. It's always the safest aim when you're too unsure to hedge your bets.

Chuuya keeping his ability is more of a mess, and Dazai slowly looks over at Chuuya to check his opinion on it. It could be a lie or the truth, but either way Fyodor couldn't really say anything else and expect to keep Chuuya on his side. In that respect, maybe Fyodor himself doesn't even know whether he was lying.]

I see.

[Dazai returns his gaze to the movie, but he's paying more attention to his own thoughts, running through the implications of Chuuya's statement. If true, Fyodor will need to keep Dazai alive, too... but then, that in itself surely makes it less likely? If Chuuya's survival is a given for both Fyodor and Dazai, that certainly complicates the two of them killing each other, in different but equally relevant ways.]

That is a change.

[It might be a good one, too; the odds certainly seem to be in favor of that. But it's a fragile hope at best, and Dazai isn't going to count it as a victory just yet.]

[Chuuya's thoughts on it are complicated. On the one hand, it's his responsibility to be strong, to protect others, which means he can never willingly give up his ability. He will always fight for others first and foremost. He's always been willing to sacrifice himself for that purpose.

On the other hand... His ability has always been isolating. There is a sense of belonging others have that has never been an option for him. He remembers it from the Sheep, the way he was always a little bit of an outsider, even while he was one of them. He was never just part of the group, relaxing, laughing, having a good time, because the weight of responsibility was always on his shoulders, and their fear of him was an issue from the start. If he could just have that, if he could give up his ability and belong --

The closest he's had is in the mafia, with the boss and the other executives. No, the closest might be with Dazai, and with Fyodor, but he knows all of this is temporary. It doesn't matter. In the end he'll always choose to be strong.]

He's supposed to hate all abilities, right?

[And now he's making compromises for the two of them. Assuming Fyodor was telling the truth, but Chuuya thinks that he was. He'll fall quiet, though, because he can tell Dazai is thinking. On screen, the masked guy has caught up with the bald kidnapper and the princess, and Chuuya decides to pay attention - he wants to see the bald guy die.]

Even the biggest pacifist will want to have a single weapon around to keep the peace.

[That may or may not have anything to do with Fyodor's line of reasoning, but it would make sense. After all, ending all ability users may seem easy, but when do you know you've completed your goal? And, even then, can you really be sure that new ability users won't be born... or even made? In a purely practical sense, keeping a loyal Chuuya around, ability and all, is absolutely logical.

But maybe that's not all there is to it. Dazai really isn't trying to sway Chuuya one way or the other, or even warn him off Fyodor altogether. If anything, he's reluctantly admitting that Fyodor's motivation will always be something of a mystery, even to him - and he really can't tell, just now, whether that is good or bad in the long run.

Much better to focus on the movie, really.]

Iocaine, huh..?

[Definitely not a real poison, but will that stop Dazai from imagining a suicide with it? Nope.]

[Is that it? Chuuya knows he's useful, knows that a lot of people would want his power on their side. A lot of people assume it's all he's good for - Fyodor, at least, is not one of those people. And Chuuya has a feeling that while owning him for his power would be tempting for that rat, that's not fully why, either.

But he's not Dazai. Much as he hates to admit it, he doesn't have his ability to see through plans five hundred steps in advance. And there's not really any point in trying to debate Fyodor's motivations when they're both just guessing at this point. Which was Dazai's point. Which means Dazai was right. There's no way Chuuya is telling him that.]

So is he keeping the antidote in his mouth and hoping to get punched?

[Nope, no suicides here. Chuuya will always get in the way of that.]

[Dazai is always right, thank you for noticing. But he'll refrain from pointing that out right now, because there's no need. And he is, in his own way, enjoying the movie.]

Chuuya... You think I get all my brilliant ideas from old movies?!

[Because if you do -... Well, Dazai won't claim it isn't true, but it's not true in this particular case. So, he still wins!

By cheating all cheaters, just like in the movie.]

You're not smart enough to have come up with any of them yourself.

[That is in no way true, and he knows it, which is why he's saying it. What better way to annoy Dazai than to doubt his plans? And what better way to enjoy themselves than with their usual banter?

Since they're no longer fighting over Dazai's snacks, Chuuya is going to pull out some chocolate instead.]

Ha! I knew that bald asshole would die.

If you're dumb enough to believe that, I don't even know what to say to you anymore.

[Of course Dazai shouldn't acknowledge Chuuya's words even that much, but... well, maybe he is legitimately offended, just a tiny bit! Even though he shouldn't be!! Chuuya of all people calling him dumb is practically an offense against cosmic order. The only thing worse would be if Chuuya called him short, but that would at least be easy to disprove!]

You sure enjoy these stereotypical movies where the bad guy bites the dust.

[Which is not a complaint as such, or even intended as mockery. It's just an observation that hasn't lost its weirdness over time, considering Chuuya is a self-admitted bad guy.

More importantly: since the snacks are coming back out, Dazai will open his mouth and make an emphatic ahhhhhh~ sound. Feed him some of that chocolate, Chuu~!]

So do you get all your plans from movies about princesses?

[The fact that it actually offends Dazai is hilarious, so he's going to keep it up. As if he hasn't been around Dazai when he's come up with some of his plans, as if he hasn't seen him make them on the spot, adjusting them to new variables, offering backup plans faster than most people could come up with shopping lists. He knows how obnoxiously smart his ~~ex-~~partner is.

But how badly do you want to be a pretty pretty princess, Dazai?]

Because he's annoying. Thinking he can't lose and that his subordinates are useless without him. Of course it's satisfying that he dies.

[It's just logic?? It has nothing to do with good or bad?? Annoying people need to die, clearly.

He hesitates, considering starting another snack fight, but... He's too comfortable like this. He wants to lean against Dazai for as long as Dazai will let him. So he breaks off some chocolate, and then reaches up to pop it in Dazai's mouth for him... Hope you don't mind fingers in your mouth for a second, too, Dazai.]

[Offended is a big word! But he's definitely annoyed. You're supposed to love him ~~and his dick~~ Chuuya, gosh!

Let's conveniently say that Dazai eats the chocolate before a very belated reply, or Chuuya would just punch him in the face. But at least Dazai will take a moment to suck on Chuuya's fingers before being a dick again.]

Mhm, that's why I stick around Chuuya for my real life inspiration.

[You damn chibi princess, you!!]

[The way Dazai sucks on his fingers is definitely a distraction, making his breath hitch for a second. Sure, Chuuya gave Dazai the opportunity, but he wasn't expecting Dazai to take it. He was really trying to be a little annoying with his fingers in his mouth.

His cheeks are just barely tinged red.]

I'm not wearing a skirt for you again.

[He knows he's the prince charming in this equation. You already assigned him that role, Dazai!]

[More like prince jarring, honestly! But the blush is encouraging, and so Dazai will press on.]

Got it~! It'll be a proper dress, next time.

[A pretty ball gown! ... Damn, though, Chuuya could honestly pull off that look.]

[Chuuya is going to snap off another piece of chocolate, and then shove that into Dazai's mouth to shut him up. He knows what you're doing, Dazai!]

I'm not letting you pick it out.

[...But he's also not difficult to convince if it means getting Dazai's attention.]

[Hng. Well, as long as Dazai gets chocolate, he can live with it - not that he cares about the chocolate so much as he cares about the principle of Getting A Thing. So he sits back, chomping down.]

At least make it hot pink?

[Nah, he really doesn't care. But Chuuya has basically agreed to wear a dress now, provided he can pick it out himself, so. 👍 ]

Edited 2022-08-23 12:17 (UTC)

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