indensity | when you're helpless, waiting to collide

when you're helpless, waiting to collide

[Chuuya has lost all track of time while he's been there. The drugs they've injected him with has him slipping in and out of consciousness, and it's making it difficult to think, made worse by the fact that every inch of his body seems to hurt. He only vaguely remembers the fight. He's pretty sure his coffee had been drugged when he bought it, that or his croissant, and then when he'd felt so dizzy only his ability could keep him standing, he'd been attacked out of nowhere by two ability users. One of them had some sort of lightning based ability, he's not sure about the other.

He's pretty sure he has a concussion.

He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.

At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]

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Yeah. He's adjusting his plans because he wants more now.

[They've talked about it a lot. Chuuya knows it's because Fyodor is trying to win Chuuya over, wants Chuuya to accept being owned by him. He's telling Chuuya what he wants to hear. He knows that, but that doesn't make it any less real, although now he's finding that admitting it out loud is making him feel naive. Gullible, maybe, except that he knows that he's right about this.

Still, it's easier not to look up at Dazai, so he's making sure to keep his eyes on the movie instead.]

He offered to let me keep my ability.

[Chuuya's complicated feelings on that idea aside, the offer had been telling. Yes, Fyodor was manipulating him, but that didn't make it any less real. He's supposed to hate all abilities, and now there's a crack in that hatred, somewhere.]

[Wanting more is a broad concept that could be either good or terrible, but Dazai smiles at the idea. "More" makes sense, really, regardless of the details. It's always the safest aim when you're too unsure to hedge your bets.

Chuuya keeping his ability is more of a mess, and Dazai slowly looks over at Chuuya to check his opinion on it. It could be a lie or the truth, but either way Fyodor couldn't really say anything else and expect to keep Chuuya on his side. In that respect, maybe Fyodor himself doesn't even know whether he was lying.]

I see.

[Dazai returns his gaze to the movie, but he's paying more attention to his own thoughts, running through the implications of Chuuya's statement. If true, Fyodor will need to keep Dazai alive, too... but then, that in itself surely makes it less likely? If Chuuya's survival is a given for both Fyodor and Dazai, that certainly complicates the two of them killing each other, in different but equally relevant ways.]

That is a change.

[It might be a good one, too; the odds certainly seem to be in favor of that. But it's a fragile hope at best, and Dazai isn't going to count it as a victory just yet.]

[Chuuya's thoughts on it are complicated. On the one hand, it's his responsibility to be strong, to protect others, which means he can never willingly give up his ability. He will always fight for others first and foremost. He's always been willing to sacrifice himself for that purpose.

On the other hand... His ability has always been isolating. There is a sense of belonging others have that has never been an option for him. He remembers it from the Sheep, the way he was always a little bit of an outsider, even while he was one of them. He was never just part of the group, relaxing, laughing, having a good time, because the weight of responsibility was always on his shoulders, and their fear of him was an issue from the start. If he could just have that, if he could give up his ability and belong --

The closest he's had is in the mafia, with the boss and the other executives. No, the closest might be with Dazai, and with Fyodor, but he knows all of this is temporary. It doesn't matter. In the end he'll always choose to be strong.]

He's supposed to hate all abilities, right?

[And now he's making compromises for the two of them. Assuming Fyodor was telling the truth, but Chuuya thinks that he was. He'll fall quiet, though, because he can tell Dazai is thinking. On screen, the masked guy has caught up with the bald kidnapper and the princess, and Chuuya decides to pay attention - he wants to see the bald guy die.]

Even the biggest pacifist will want to have a single weapon around to keep the peace.

[That may or may not have anything to do with Fyodor's line of reasoning, but it would make sense. After all, ending all ability users may seem easy, but when do you know you've completed your goal? And, even then, can you really be sure that new ability users won't be born... or even made? In a purely practical sense, keeping a loyal Chuuya around, ability and all, is absolutely logical.

But maybe that's not all there is to it. Dazai really isn't trying to sway Chuuya one way or the other, or even warn him off Fyodor altogether. If anything, he's reluctantly admitting that Fyodor's motivation will always be something of a mystery, even to him - and he really can't tell, just now, whether that is good or bad in the long run.

Much better to focus on the movie, really.]

Iocaine, huh..?

[Definitely not a real poison, but will that stop Dazai from imagining a suicide with it? Nope.]

[Is that it? Chuuya knows he's useful, knows that a lot of people would want his power on their side. A lot of people assume it's all he's good for - Fyodor, at least, is not one of those people. And Chuuya has a feeling that while owning him for his power would be tempting for that rat, that's not fully why, either.

But he's not Dazai. Much as he hates to admit it, he doesn't have his ability to see through plans five hundred steps in advance. And there's not really any point in trying to debate Fyodor's motivations when they're both just guessing at this point. Which was Dazai's point. Which means Dazai was right. There's no way Chuuya is telling him that.]

So is he keeping the antidote in his mouth and hoping to get punched?

[Nope, no suicides here. Chuuya will always get in the way of that.]

[Dazai is always right, thank you for noticing. But he'll refrain from pointing that out right now, because there's no need. And he is, in his own way, enjoying the movie.]

Chuuya... You think I get all my brilliant ideas from old movies?!

[Because if you do -... Well, Dazai won't claim it isn't true, but it's not true in this particular case. So, he still wins!

By cheating all cheaters, just like in the movie.]

You're not smart enough to have come up with any of them yourself.

[That is in no way true, and he knows it, which is why he's saying it. What better way to annoy Dazai than to doubt his plans? And what better way to enjoy themselves than with their usual banter?

Since they're no longer fighting over Dazai's snacks, Chuuya is going to pull out some chocolate instead.]

Ha! I knew that bald asshole would die.

If you're dumb enough to believe that, I don't even know what to say to you anymore.

[Of course Dazai shouldn't acknowledge Chuuya's words even that much, but... well, maybe he is legitimately offended, just a tiny bit! Even though he shouldn't be!! Chuuya of all people calling him dumb is practically an offense against cosmic order. The only thing worse would be if Chuuya called him short, but that would at least be easy to disprove!]

You sure enjoy these stereotypical movies where the bad guy bites the dust.

[Which is not a complaint as such, or even intended as mockery. It's just an observation that hasn't lost its weirdness over time, considering Chuuya is a self-admitted bad guy.

More importantly: since the snacks are coming back out, Dazai will open his mouth and make an emphatic ahhhhhh~ sound. Feed him some of that chocolate, Chuu~!]

So do you get all your plans from movies about princesses?

[The fact that it actually offends Dazai is hilarious, so he's going to keep it up. As if he hasn't been around Dazai when he's come up with some of his plans, as if he hasn't seen him make them on the spot, adjusting them to new variables, offering backup plans faster than most people could come up with shopping lists. He knows how obnoxiously smart his ~~ex-~~partner is.

But how badly do you want to be a pretty pretty princess, Dazai?]

Because he's annoying. Thinking he can't lose and that his subordinates are useless without him. Of course it's satisfying that he dies.

[It's just logic?? It has nothing to do with good or bad?? Annoying people need to die, clearly.

He hesitates, considering starting another snack fight, but... He's too comfortable like this. He wants to lean against Dazai for as long as Dazai will let him. So he breaks off some chocolate, and then reaches up to pop it in Dazai's mouth for him... Hope you don't mind fingers in your mouth for a second, too, Dazai.]

[Offended is a big word! But he's definitely annoyed. You're supposed to love him ~~and his dick~~ Chuuya, gosh!

Let's conveniently say that Dazai eats the chocolate before a very belated reply, or Chuuya would just punch him in the face. But at least Dazai will take a moment to suck on Chuuya's fingers before being a dick again.]

Mhm, that's why I stick around Chuuya for my real life inspiration.

[You damn chibi princess, you!!]

[The way Dazai sucks on his fingers is definitely a distraction, making his breath hitch for a second. Sure, Chuuya gave Dazai the opportunity, but he wasn't expecting Dazai to take it. He was really trying to be a little annoying with his fingers in his mouth.

His cheeks are just barely tinged red.]

I'm not wearing a skirt for you again.

[He knows he's the prince charming in this equation. You already assigned him that role, Dazai!]

[More like prince jarring, honestly! But the blush is encouraging, and so Dazai will press on.]

Got it~! It'll be a proper dress, next time.

[A pretty ball gown! ... Damn, though, Chuuya could honestly pull off that look.]

[Chuuya is going to snap off another piece of chocolate, and then shove that into Dazai's mouth to shut him up. He knows what you're doing, Dazai!]

I'm not letting you pick it out.

[...But he's also not difficult to convince if it means getting Dazai's attention.]

[Hng. Well, as long as Dazai gets chocolate, he can live with it - not that he cares about the chocolate so much as he cares about the principle of Getting A Thing. So he sits back, chomping down.]

At least make it hot pink?

[Nah, he really doesn't care. But Chuuya has basically agreed to wear a dress now, provided he can pick it out himself, so. 👍 ]

Edited 2022-08-23 12:17 (UTC)

Hot pink clashes with my hair!

[He knows Dazai is just being a dick, but if he's going to wear a dress, he's going to make it look good. Dazai knows that. Otherwise, what's even the point?]

I didn't say I'd let you see it, though.

So do most reds, but you still drink them.

[Clearly the same thing. But anyway, time for Dazai to be creepy and tilt his head to smile at Chuuya.]

I'll see it.

Red doesn't clash with red.

[Speaking of - that look is definitely bringing out that redness in Chuuya's cheeks. He's not sure if Dazai means he'll spy on Chuuya and see it, or if he'll convince Chuuya to show him, but either way.]

Wanna bet?

[It's definitely going to be one of those options if not the other!! So Dazai is right regardless. Which is, perhaps, what has him reach out to try and brush the back of his fingers against one of Chuuya's heated cheeks.]

Are you sure about that? Red is clashing with red right now~

[He says it lovingly, though. He's teasing, because of course he is, but if he loves teasing Chuuya then he can say it lovingly.]

[Having it pointed out is always going to make his blush deepen. He should get defensive, but he's still too comfortable held close like this. He ducks his head instead.]

Shut up.

[Something flutters in his chest at the way Dazai is teasing him. He tries his best to ignore it.]

[Dazai takes the comparative lack of protest as the victory it is, smiling smugly. Having already won, he doesn't see the need to press his advantage, and for a moment, he does indeed shut up. While he resumes a normal lounging position, returning his attention to the movie, he doesn't otherwise move away from Chuuya at all, sat up against him.]

What do you think, should I wear a mask like that? [Since Chuuya is the princess, and all.] But I don't think our charming pirate is very cool at all...

[Clearly he's much cooler himself! Potentially excluding the wardrobe choices, but...]

[Chuuya knows Dazai won. He should be angry about it - he does hate it! - but he's feeling a lot of other things as well at the moment. So instead he just ends up leaning a little closer, feeling the warmth of Dazai's body so close and trying to push down every thought of what he wants from him.]

At least then I wouldn't have to look at your face.

[Clearly he hates looking at Dazai's face.]

He's not. He's just some coward who ran away, right? Otherwise there's no reason for him not to at least send her a letter or something.

That other guy is definitely cooler.

You just couldn't handle the joy of seeing my face again after having it covered for a while.

[As evidenced by their reunion after four years... or something. But that's not really what Dazai is thinking about, or even a dick like him wouldn't have said it.]

You would oversimplify things like that.

And what will become of the "cooler" guy once he loses his goal in life, one way or the other?

I’d celebrate every second I didn’t have to see it.

[He also isn’t thinking about those four years. He did claim to celebrate Dazai leaving once, but they both know that had been a lie.]

How is it oversimplifying?

[A shrug, which Dazai can feel against his body with the way Chuuya leans against him.]

He’ll have to find a new goal.

[Dazai sighs a long-suffering sigh. How someone as dumb as Chuuya exists and thrives in this world is an abomination even more than it is a mystery.]

One on the same level as finding his father's killer?

[That's clearly never going to happen.]

Yeah. He doesn’t have a choice.

[He tilts his head to glance up at Dazai and then shrugs. It’s not like he doesn’t know what he’s getting at.]

It’s not like I don’t know what it’s like to lose my purpose, you know. Even if I don’t know what it’s like to have a dad.

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