indensity | so smoke 'em if you got 'em 'cause it's going down

[It took Chuuya a while to find the right kink list. Some of them were surprisingly boring, or covered only things they've tried already. Other lists included just a little too much, and there are some ideas he'd prefer not to put into Dazai's head if he can help it. He knows Dazai is supposed to bring his own list as well, but at least this way it won't be Chuuya's fault if he happened to come across the same things. He prints out the list, and then deletes his internet history, just in case, and then googles how to make sure your internet history can't be restored again. He's not sure even that will be enough, but at least he tried.

He's weirdly nervous about it, too. If his research just now is anything to judge by, the two of them are pretty damn kinky already, but they've never really talked about it before. They both have a general idea of what the other likes, and Dazai is unnerringly good at knowing exactly where Chuuya's limits are, and proves it by pushing him right up to the edge of them. just because he can. But after this, Chuuya won't be able to lie and claim he doesn't want certain things aymore. Well, he still can, technically. And Dazai will believe those lies exactly as much as he always did. And Chuuya will end up agreeing anyway.

Chuuya is tempted to pour himself some wine, but decides to resist for now. He doesn't want to be drunk by the time Dazai gets there.]

You're late.

[It's Dazai. Of course he's late. But being nervous makes Chuuya impatient. He yanks Dazai down so he can kiss him hard, wrapping an arm around his neck to make it harder for him to straighten back up. And then he bites at Dazai's lower lip, just to make himself feel a bit better. It helps.]

[... Well, that's quite a reception. Dazai should really have expected that much - certainly, he'd figured that their discussion of kink would get Chuuya horny, and so there would be sex eventually - but he hadn't expected anything when he'd barely so much as stepped inside. So he does try to straighten back up, which he absolutely does not have the strength for, before just accepting that there's no fighting back against horny chibis.

He's still a bit annoyed by that bite. He knows it's an extremely petty feeling, but it's not like he's trying to be a good person in his heart of hearts. (He only signed up to do good things!) He's also just not in as great a mood as Chuuya, which doesn't help.]

You're horny. [If Chuuya can state the obvious and never-changing, so can Dazai.] Are you really so excited just from looking at a list of things we could do?

[Definitely a rhetorical question. But Dazai can sulk a bit if he wants.

... Also, Dazai doesn't have a kink list with him, even on his phone. He looked at a handful, but they contained few new acts, and fewer that he'd be interested in. It's actually left him feeling kind of... inadequate? Except he doesn't do such feelings, thank you.

It's all Chuuya's fault for being weird and kinky anyway.]

[Chuuya lets Dazai straighten up again after a moment. He knows Dazai hates when he does that, but really, it's obviously deserved. Even if Dazai hasn't actually had time to do anything yet.

Though pulling back, Chuuya notices that Dazai's mood seems to be a lot worse than what one small bite should cause.]

I'm not excited.

[Well, there's definitely a lot of anticipating. And he can't deny that he's horny. But the nervousness is definitely stronger, and that's not a feeling he ever likes acknowledging in himself. So on second thought, maybe he should just go with excited.]

You're the one who'll end up with new ways to torture me. Shouldn't you be excited?

[Or is this too much after all? Is that why Dazai's mood is already off? They've never talked about any of this before, because talking about it would make it all a little too serious, a little too real. So maybe Dazai is having cold feet about that.]

[Excuse you, Dazai never has cold feet in anything but the literal sense!! .... And even then, his hands are worse. So shush!]

The old ways still seem to work well enough.

[He shrugs, trying to will himself out of his irrationally touchy mood. He does want to talk about this stuff, if only to understand Chuuya a little better, and he certainly doesn't mind seeing what new things they can do. So why should he feel bad? He doesn't feel bad! Shut up.

He's going to pour himself a drink, since Chuuya is a bad host, and he's going to try to prevent Chuuya from doing the same for himself, if he tries. Dazai probably shouldn't let Chuuya get drunk yet.]

Then we don't have to try anything new?

[He tilts his head as he looks at Dazai, still not sure what's going on here. His earlier nervousness is starting to twist itself up inside of him, an uncomfortable feeling. He'd been feeling weirdly optimistic about all of this earlier. Not just the sex, but... them. The part that matters.

He'd resisted the temptation to pour himself any wine earlier, but if Dazai is going to drink, he'll walk over and find himself a decent bottle. As usual he places his finger on top of the cork, intending to use gravity to easily pull it out without a corkscrew.]

Or we can make it a rule that I can't kiss you in greeting or whatever.

[He's pretty sure that's not part of what's affecting Dazai's mood. The bite? Yes. Yanking him down for the kiss? Also yes. But the kiss itself? Dazai usually seems to enjoy that part.

Except that now he's thinking about it, Chuuya realizes this might have been the first time he ever kissed Dazai in greeting. He always held himself back in the past until he could make sure the mood was going in that direction anyway. He might have done it when he was drunk, but he can't really remember, and he doesn't think that counts in the same way. This time, though, he did it without hesitation. And he wants to be able to do it again.]

[If Dazai had it in him, he would actually sigh. Trust Chuuya to overcomplicate everything and assign meaning - and blame - where clearly there is none. (We don't talk about the fact that Dazai is obviously the one complicating things here. It's Chuuya's fault for Being Vaguely Aware, and then not having the sense to ignore Dazai's feelings the way Dazai does, himself. (Because Dazai is doing such a good job of that.))

Dazai eyes Chuuya going for that wine bottle the way he would eye the average dog poop on his path, but the disgust he feels is petty and not at all aimed at Chuuya, and Dazai knows it. That makes it a problem, because while Dazai has no issue with being the pettiest of petty assholes, doing so deliberately, while being aware that he's doing it just to distract from his own feelings, is too low a blow. Or, rather: that is acknowledging (if in a different way) that those feelings exist, and he absolutely refuses to do that.

He does sigh, then, but it's at himself if anything. He knew they shouldn't have gotten serious about this stuff.... Now here they are, and he is the one who suffers. ;_; Poor him! He plops down on the couch with his drink.]

I never said that that was a problem.

[Stupid dogs and their stupid barking. He downs a good portion of his drink, before going for that old classic: changing the topic.]

Well? What list did you find?

[Chuuya pours himself a glass, then recorks the bottle, because he's not actually planning to drink the whole thing. He might, if this continues to go as badly as it's already started, but he doesn't want to give up this quickly. Not when it's important. And he doesn't want Dazai thinking that he's given up, either.

Except he ends up just standing there holding his wine glass, instead of going to sit down with Dazai. He refuses to sit on the opposite side of the couch, but it's too awkward now for him to just sit right next to him.]

It's - here.

[Chuuya definitely has cold feet now. Talking about all of this is going to leave him feeling incredibly vulnerable, and that's the last thing he wants when Dazai is in this kind of a mood. At the same time, he doesn't want to risk Dazai leaving. He grabs the list he printed out - it's several pages long, divided into convenient sections - and passes it to him.]

But we already do a ton of that stuff anyway, so we don't have to talk about it.

[Dazai quickly downs the rest of his drink, because obviously that will make him feel better, then accepts the list from Chuuya in the same movement he uses to put his glass away. With his hands free, he skims through the pages at lightning speed.]

That's true... There's really not much we haven't already done, is there?

[Strange, that! It feels like it should mean something, but what it means, Dazai isn't so sure. Maybe he just doesn't want to think too deeply on it.]

Still, I suppose we could talk about what your favorites are... [Flick, flick... Wait -] Toilet play..?

[That is not a "must be one of your favorites". That is a definite "wait WHAT?!"]

[Whatever the reason is for Dazai's bad mood, it's pretty obviously not because he changed his mind about that list. At least the bastard is predictable in one way - if he's this persistent about getting them back on track with something, it's because he wants to do it. After all, it's damn near impossible to get him to do anything he doesn't want to.

Chuuya still isn't able to relax, but after another moment he sighs, drinks a bit of his wine, and finally sits down next to Dazai. He leaves a little bit of space between them - it's still awkward, he's dreading this, he's going to end up revealing too much.]

I'd make you clean up the mess.

[His mood is slightly improved by Dazai being surprised by something. That's a pretty rare occurrence. Not that he's suggesting they do it, especially because Dazai definitely would not clean anything at all.]

There's -- Some things we wouldn't have been able to do before. [But that's the revealing part.] But doesn't it make sense to start at the beginning of the list?

Pass.

[There will be no cleaning up of any sort! In fact, it's probably that, more than any inherent disgust, that turns Dazai off the idea of toilet play. Go figure.

Chuuya keeping some distance is doing nothing to improve Dazai's mood, but at least it's not actually bad anymore. It's just not good, either. He does want to see what else they could do, if there's anything they haven't tried yet, etc. But somehow the whole exercise still feels like a forced growing up of sorts, and Dazai doesn't like that. He doesn't want to be alive, let alone an adult?!??!]

Fine, fine... [He thought you liked being tortured?! :( Why are you torturing him by making him go through a list from top to bottom (no pun intended)?!?! :(((]

Basic bondage? Done that... Advanced bondage..?

[It depends on where you wanna draw the line for that definition, but whatever. Let Chuuya say how into that he is, and maybe Dazai will feel a bit better thanks to Chuuya's embarrassment.]

At least even you're easy sometimes.

[Probably not the smartest thing to say, but Dazai's (formerly??) bad mood has affected him, too. And turning Dazai off something with the threat of clean up is kinda funny.

And he does end up leaning a bit closer after a second, if only so he can read the list as well. He doesn't trust Dazai not to skip over anything, and besides, Chuuya doesn't remember all the examples given off the top of his head. Bondage isn't that interesting, though... Or well, it is, but they've done it, and they'll keep doing it, so it's more about finding new ways to do it.]

We've done advanced stuff... But we're not doing tape, I don't trust you not to just rip it off after. [Not that pain is a bad thing, but still.] Besides, there's no point if it doesn't look good, right?

[If he doesn't look good for Dazai, he means. He knows Dazai doesn't care, and it can be more humiliating when Dazai gets creative in non-pretty ways, but he doesn't have to admit that.]

I could make you do the cleaning up, you know.

[Which is hardly an idle threat - and yet Dazai hadn't seriously considered making that happen. Even though he clearly should have. That's gross in its own right! What, does he actually respect Chuuya as a person now?!?!]

We could definitely make tape look good.

[Not that he's especially into the idea of using tape, but he's hardly going to refrain on account of it being painful, especially when Chuuya likes pain as often as not.]

Admittedly it wouldn't look as good as using my bandages though.

[Just casually throwing that out there.]

[It's definitely not a threat to take lightly. Chuuya stares at him for a second.]

Let's just avoid anything with too much cleanup.

[Because he can't make Dazai do it if Dazai doesn't want to, and it's definitely not worth the risk of teasing Dazai about it. He turns his attention back to the list.]

Maybe you could, but --

[He has no way to follow that up. Why does he bother lying to Dazai about what he wants, it really only encourages him, and... Okay, yeah, it would be hot. Dazai restraining him is always hot. Especially since he can actually prevent Chuuya from being able to escape. And he probably shouldn't think about that too much right now, or he'll end up distracted.]

Yeah, okay, I don't actually object. Much. You can do all of these.

[Why is telling the truth always embarrassing.]

You're not objecting "much" or you're not objecting at all?

[Chuuya getting embarrassed may not have been the goal, here, but it's making Dazai feel a little better, and that alone makes it worth it.]

You really should be clear about what things you'd like best, you know. Who knows if we'll ever have this kind of talk again?

[They probably should make it a regular thing, but Dazai already went into it feeling like it's a chore, and he's not especially looking forward to having a repeat in the foreseeable future. May as well put the pressure on Chuuya, and see what comes out. (... Apart from the obvious.)]

[Of course Dazai won't let him get away with a half-lie either. Chuuya shoots him an annoyed look, dragging it out before he answers.]

You already know I'm not objecting at all. We didn't even get to anything you don't know about yet!

[Maybe he shouldn't be so easily affected by pressure from Dazai, maybe he should be used to it by now... but then he could argue that this isn't something they've done before, so it doesn't count. Or something. He reaches over to try to snatch the list back from Dazai to give himself some semblance of control over the situation.]

But if I have to suggest something, we could try some more complicated stuff. Like suspension. I don't even know what that would feel like.

[Dazai gives up the list easily, feeling much better at the idea of Chuuya giving him a wish list of sorts: that way Dazai can still decide what goes, but he doesn't have to go through the effort of thinking of suggestions, himself. He'd much rather get creative with what Chuuya suggests, anyway!

And Chuuya, as expected, doesn't disappoint when it comes to horny things.]

You wouldn't, would you? [Which is more Dazai thinking out loud than Dazai being a condescending dick, for once.] Even if I stopped touching you for a moment, you wouldn't know what it truly feels like.

[Chuuya wasn't expecting to get the list that easily, so for a second he doesn't even know how to react. He sits there with his papers in his hand, mouth slightly open, the mental version of having your opponent suddenly let go of the rope during tug-o-war. Then he relaxes, shoulders dropping slightly, because he hadn't wanted a fight, but maybe he'd thought Dazai did.

He finally scoots closer on the couch, holding the list so they can both easily see.]

Yeah. I mean, I thought suspension was just about putting someone on display, or maybe getting them in a more convenient position to use their body, easy access or something, but I guess it's supposed to feel different than if you're just tied on the ground? A physical feeling? I tried to read a bit about it, and someone described it as a tingling feeling in their whole body, especially in their stomach. And I can only ever feel that way with you.

[And only because he nullifies Chuuya's ability. Obviously.]

[Uh... Uhhhh, Chuuya? That's gay! That's very, very gay!! Dazai just stares over at Chuuya for a moment, because admittedly he's flattered, and a little happy, but of course that makes him a little suspicious.

It seems like Chuuya is just being his dumb, obvious self, though. Dazai smiles a little, shaking his head, and decides not to rub it in. (Yet.)]

Well, the convenient position is worth something too. Though it seems like a lot of work getting the weight distribution just right...

[For once, it's not a complaint, just a statement.]

[It takes a second for Chuuya to realize that Dazai is staring. He looks back, a little confused, not sure what he said that might have caused that reaction. But Dazai has gone from being in an obvious bad mood to smiling at him, an Dazai's smile has a way of making his pulse jump. It's a relief. He's not going to worry about it.]

At least lifting me into the air would be easy.

[Because he could just use his ability on himself while Dazai pulled on the ropes, and then Dazai could go back to touching him once he was secure.]

There's no way you don't already know how to tie someone up like that, but apparently it's even possible to take courses--

[And then he realizes what exactly it was he'd said earlier, and why Dazai stared at him for it. He'd only meant because Dazai takes away his control of gravity. But that's not what he'd ended up saying. Chuuya feels his cheeks heating up, his first instinct to defend himself, deny everything, at least clarify. Except that he can't really defend himself when Dazai didn't even make fun of him at all.]

-- Anyway. [He's lost his train of thought, staring down at the list and refusing to even glance at Dazai.] What else is there from this section... Can't really do resistance play, you'd never be able to win. And there's a couple of things I definitely shouldn't let you do, since you're a bastard.

[Dazai definitely doesn't need lessons in tying people up, though he considers the possibility of taking some anyway, just so he can humiliate Chuuya in public. But that would probably just get them thrown out of class, and the fact that it's a class at all kind of makes Dazai not want to do it in the first place. Oh, well. He'll keep it in mind.

And there comes Chuuya's realization at last. Dazai doesn't even care if Chuuya meant his words the way Dazai chose to interpret them: what was said, was said. And Dazai is glad about it - a rare bit of actual happiness! - so good luck getting him to believe otherwise now.]

Should you really be calling me a bastard when I'm the only person who can make you feel that way?

[He's just going to lord that over Chuuya forever, with various degrees of semi-deliberate misinterpretation whenever he feels like it. You made a mistake, Chuuya...]

[Chuuya slaps a hand over Dazai's mouth before he can even finish the sentence.]

Shut up. [Maybe he should use his ability to sink into the couch and disappear through the floor.] You're the only person who can annoy me this much!

[The problem is that Dazai's interpretation isn't not true, even if it's not what Chuuya had meant. But he can't just admit something like that! He'd never live it down! He's already never living it down!]

I shouldn't let you do any of this. We're skipping past bondage.

[Except the next section isn't any better. Chuuya stares at the title - mental control - and doesn't even say anything else. This is the part that's going to be revealing.]

[Dazai makes a show of looking offended at being so rudely shut-up, but he doesn't actually object, nor does he even pretend to outside of a brief, pouty frown. He'll take that compliment - yes, being able to annoy Chuuya the most is clearly a compliment! - and keep it close to his non-existent heart.]

Very well.

[Skipping past bondage, it is. They've discussed what they needed to, anyway: there's already some new ideas to try. So it's fine.

The next section, though... Dazai looks somewhere between displeased and doubtful.]

... Chuuya is never going to be capable of this.

[Dazai isn't even saying that in an elaborate attempt at reverse psychology or anything like that. He just genuinely doesn't think that Chuuya has it in him to do things like follow orders. Sure, Dazai can push Chuuya a bit once he's had an orgasm or two, but beyond that? It's got to be impossible.]

[Chuuya isn't sure whether that displeased look is just because Dazai figures it's impossible, or because he's really not interested. There's no point in talking about it if Dazai isn't interested, and Chuuya isn't good at talking about these things to begin with. He rubs at the back of his neck, not really aware of it himself.]

You wouldn't want me to always just obey anyway.

[That's often the game between them, isn't it? Chuuya makes it difficult, and Dazai finds a way to get what he wants anyway, and then gets to be smug about it. Then again, they've never actually talked about it at all.

And it's really tempting to just get himself drunk for this conversation.]

But -- if we're gonna talk about this anyway. If we're doing this. I should have said this before we even started. Whatever. But I know there's a lot of things we can't really do if I'm not cooperating at least a little. And it's kind of unfair if you always have to win some bet or find a way to trick me just to set it all up. Not that you play fair either, but --

What I'm saying is that if there's something you wanna try, I don't have to fight you. There's no point in even looking at this list if I'm just gonna fight you. I already knew that when I printed this out.

[He says that, but his tone makes it sound like he's in the middle of a fight right now. But this time, it's only against himself, really - because he does mean what he's saying. He's willing to try.]

[Chuuya makes an excellent point for once, and Dazai doesn't try to argue. It is a strange little balance they have going on here... Dazai gets off on getting his way, but it's certainly true that it would be boring if Chuuya just did as he ordered. He supposes that makes this whole kink thing a lot more complicated than it's "normally" likely to be.

Dazai holds back a sigh. Truly, needing to define anything too much takes all the fun out of it, doesn't it? He's still willing to have this talk, though: he does understand the necessity.

... Wait... All this talk about Chuuya not fighting him... Does that mean Chuuya is giving him a free pass?
...
Dazai shouldn't. He really shouldn't ask this, even jokingly, but...]

... Does that mean that you'll finally wear a maid costume if I ask?

[He doesn't even really care about maid costumes! It's just the principle of the thing!! Or whatever passes for a principle with Dazai.]

[Chuuya had managed to put himself a little on edge, admitting as much as he did. He's ready to defend himself, just in case, expecting... something.

Not a complete derailment. He's mentally sputtering for a moment.]

You --

[No, Chuuya did say he'd go along with Dazai's plan a little more easily. He'd meant it. He shouldn't immediately object, no matter how much he wants to. And of course Dazai would immediately try to test him on it, to see if he really means it, even though Chuuya didn't specifically say he'd go along with anything Dazai suggested, so that still technically leaves him a lot of wiggle room.

It's not like he has any serious objections to it, it's just that Dazai has been trying to get him to wear that damn costume since they were sixteen, and he really doesn't want to let him claim that victory now.]

If you ask? [He'll just throw Dazai's words right back at him.] I'll say no.

[If he asks.]

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