[Chuuya is too surprised by that to even say anything for a second. Surprised and then embarrassingly happy, just from that simple statement. Dazai wants him. Considering how often Dazai is in his apartment and in his bed, that should be obvious, but hearing it is still different.
He's smiling now. He can't help it.]
Never wanted this with anyone other than Dazai.
[Dazai might claim that it's always been easy, but he's earned this. Building trust was never something that came naturally to either of them.]
[Trust may not ever have come naturally, but it's always been there between them, hasn't it? No matter how often they've antagonized each other, there have always been lines that they would never cross. (All right, Dazai definitely pushed that trust a lot more than Chuuya did. But nevermind that! It's the principle of the thing!!)
No... Maybe it's the other way around, actually. Maybe it's because they've never pretended, never did worse or better to each other than they needed to, that it somehow became easier to trust each other. The world is full of bullshit and betrayal, after all. It's refreshing to not have to pretend too much.
Even if that ended up accidentally leading to another kind of pretending. Oh well, they're here now.]
Good.
[That's all he can say to that, really. It's just as well that Chuuya has things that are only for Dazai. The rest of the world fares the better for it.]
[It makes more sense to Chuuya, the other way around. He's met enough people who wouldn't cross those lines, but that doesn't mean he trusts them. Because it doesn't mean anything when they don't. To them, Chuuya is irrelevant, not part of the equation at all, so why would he offer them something important in return?
But the two of them figured out where that line should be, and they both decided - even if they never actually talked about it - that it was important because it was theirs. Even when it was at the most painful.
Or maybe because it was often so painful, and they needed something to hold on to.]
You knew that.
[Or maybe that was one thing Dazai actually needed to have confirmed. That's not a bad thought, either, actually. Besides, hearing that possessive tone makes him feel good.]
I know when it's good weather too, but sometimes it's still nice to comment on it?
[Logic, he has it. Still gently petting Chuuya's hair, because that is really quite a nice thing to keep his hands busy he's found, he belatedly thinks of arguably an even better comparison.]
Look - Chuuya always looks good, but you still enjoy when I say so.
[The logic is just getting more and more flawless here.]
[The petting is definitely nice. Chuuya could fall asleep like that, he thinks, but he doesn't want to yet. Especially not when Dazai is complimenting him.]
Yeah, you should say it more often.
[The logic works for him. And Dazai does tell him he looks good sometimes, while Chuuya has rarely admitted how much he wants Dazai - or that he really only wants Dazai - so that makes saying it now all the more important.]
Wait. Did you know? You couldn't know what I was up to for those four years you were hiding in some hole.
[Weeeeeeell... maybe not completely. He certainly didn't keep tabs on Chuuya nearly as much as he had felt inclined to. Choices were made, priorities were set, etc. And, okay, maybe it was just easier to convince himself he was letting go, only dabbling with the tiniest bit of tabs-keeping under the guise of amusement. If that wasn't the whole truth... it was not a lie, either.
More importantly:]
Chuuya is beautiful, even now. Especially now!
[Okay, maybe he's laying it on a little thick. But he's not lying!]
[Chuuya did assume Dazai kept track of the Port Mafia in that time, which would at least give Dazai a few updates on Chuuya, just as an extension. But this is more than just that. Chuuya rolls onto his back, still with his head resting in Dazai's lap, just so he can look up at him now.]
I knew that was you.
[He never mentioned it to anyone, those times he'd convinced himself Dazai was around and fucking with him somehow. He'd honestly just been relieved about the sign of life, even if it did lead to at least one round of food poisoning.
And why shouldn't he be happy for the proof that Dazai couldn't fully stay away, even then?]
Only you'd say that when I look like a mess.
[Dazai and his damn way with words when he wants to. Chuuya knows he looks good, he doesn't need to be told, but somehow Dazai always knows how to get to him. The bastard means it, that's the worst part. Chuuya outright asked for the compliment, and he can still feel himself blushing, just a little.]
[Dazai smiles down at Chuuya, eyebrows lifting a bit in amusement. Of course Chuuya knew. Dazai was pretty sure that he did; for that matter, Chuuya knowing was half the point. It's still a little funny (though not surprising) that Chuuya was trying to convince himself otherwise, though.
With Chuuya looking up at him, there are other ways to smooth out his hair, and it's easier for Dazai to lazily twirl a strand or two around his fingers. Sure, he's here to make Chuuya feel better (apparently!), but that doesn't mean he can't enjoy himself in the process. One of these days, maybe he should give Chuuya a perm in his sleep... but not today.]
You don't? I don't lie when I don't need to. [... Does anyone ever need to lie? If they do, is there any reason why Dazai shouldn't "need" to now?? ... Well, the point is, he's not lying.] You still look good, Chuuya.
[That amused expression is incredibly unfair. Mostly because there's no other way to describe it than fond, and that's not something Chuuya knows how to deal with.]
I know you're not lying. And I know I look good. But you're--
[He doesn't so much cut himself off as realize he actually had nowhere he was going with that argument, and so he's forced to stop. His mouth stays slightly open for a second before he just throws an arm over his face like a shield. He's flustered. He'd been feeling like shit and now Dazai has him feeling flustered. He's still feeling vulnerable, all his emotions right there, without his usual defensive anger to hide behind.
The matching sweatshirt and sweatpants he's wearing are old, worn, the colors faded, probably should have been thrown out ages ago, except they're comfortable and not meant to be worn around other people anyway. He's definitely not looking his best.
And Dazai is looking so pleased about it all.]
I -- What the hell am I supposed to say to that?
[How dare Dazai make him feel good about himself??]
[The way a person looks is hardly about their clothes, Dazai would say - but humanity as a whole would disagree, he knows. (And that is why humanity as a whole looks good... although admittedly not always in the special way Chuuya manages to.)
Embarrassment is a nice look on Chuuya, too, in a variety of different ways. Dazai finds that he doesn't mind the current, relatively benign one, either.]
You're not supposed to say anything, Chuuya. Didn't I tell you before?
I don't need anything from you.
[The words could be interpreted so negatively, but that's not how Dazai means them at all, and that's not the tone in which he uses them either. Chuuya makes a habit of being used; Dazai doesn't care to do that (barring specific circumstances, anyway!). Dazai makes a habit of using people, but he is playing no such games with Chuuya.
He's only here because he wants to be. And, here and now, that is enough.]
[Chuuya would say it's definitely about clothes. It's about standing out, making a statement, controlling the type of person you're perceived as. It's about knowing someone went to the effort of dressing up just to look good for you.
But as much as he loves when Dazai puts in that little effort, it's not like those are the times that make him stop in his tracks. So maybe he gets it. Because maybe seeing Dazai sitting quietly with a cup of coffee, bandages a little loose because he needs to replace them but hasn't yet, is better than any tailored suit ever could be. Even if he's not sure he could compare this - he just noticed the pants have a hole on the thigh - to that.
But when Dazai says he doesn't need anything, it doesn't sound like anything negative at all.]
If you were anyone else, I would have changed before you made it into the apartment.
[There's a reason why Dazai gets to see him like this.]
[It's just a small sound of acknowledgement, because Dazai believes that, too: he doesn't expect Chuuya to let anyone else see him like this. And that's as it should be. In some ways, Dazai believes that it would be better for Chuuya to have more real connections with people; that Chuuya would benefit from letting his guard down around people other than Dazai, as well. But Chuuya has never been that way inclined, and Dazai frankly likes that. Even if their connection is special, that doesn't mean that Dazai wants to share Chuuya with the world that badly.]
... Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't take off your clothes altogether.
[No he's not, that's just a joke in extremely bad taste. But it wouldn't be so bad to lighten the mood a little, and hopefully get Chuuya to relax a little more. For that matter: even if Chuuya gets angry, that wouldn't be unwelcome either! There are no bad outcomes here, Dazai thinks.]
[Chuuya doesn't get mad. Not with Dazai still petting his hair. Instead he lets out a small amused huff, like he's forgetting to hold it back, rolling his eyes slightly.]
I like making you work for it sometimes.
[That, and Dazai gives him about a two second warning to change or get undressed, since he almost never lets Chuuya know he's coming and just breaks in. Other people ring the doorbell. Not that Chuuya would want Dazai to, when he likes how often he's been coming over. It's probably better not to think about how that makes all of this sound like something established.
It's just how it works for them. That's all it is.]
[Nah, he probably won't do that, especially now that he's announced it. But if Chuuya is going to come up with ridiculous measures, then Dazai can come up with ridiculous counter-measures. That's just how life goes.
And, while Dazai won't say it, he's rather glad to hear Chuuya's amused huff. Dazai may be a genius, but that doesn't mean he has a magically accurate insight into every other person's psyche, as much as he likes to pretend otherwise. But if Chuuya can still be amused, then things will be okay sooner or later. And that is a relief.]
[It will definitely be okay. Chuuya feels like he's okay as long as he doesn't have to be okay, which he's pretty sure makes no sense, but then he was never good at this sort of thing. What matters is that there's no expectation for him to pull himself together here. He just wants to stay close.]
You'd end up burning clothes you like making me wear.
[So he's not worried - wait, no, Dazai would take those clothes out, and force him to wear nothing else. So he's worried. Except that he has no intention of wearing extra clothes when Dazai wants him naked, and they both know it.]
You're just trying to trick me into agreeing to let you decide what I wear when you feel like it.
[Somehow the question is halfway rhetorical and halfway emotional blackmail. They both know that Dazai has ways to make things work out the way he wants them to. Chuuya could try to stop him, but Dazai would know and take counter-measures, and -... Well, wouldn't be easier if they both saved themselves the trouble? It's not like Dazai asks too much of Chuuya.
... Not usually, anyway...
His petting of Chuuya's hair slows down a little, though he doesn't stop; he half intended to stop, but he finds himself enjoying it, and so he keeps going.]
Is there anything else you need?
[It feels like a strangely broad question, and one that somehow exposes Dazai as much as it does Chuuya. But, since Chuuya seems to have calmed down some, it needs to be asked. A little water and chocolate is a good start, but... just in case.]
[He probably should consider that question for at least more than a second, but -- ]
Not really. At least if you keep petting me.
[With Dazai still petting his hair, it's difficult to care about anything else enough to lie. Sure, he might object at times when Dazai brings out something new, but it's usually just for the sake of it, and he gives in quickly enough. There's only a few exceptions, like the dog ears and tail, but even that doesn't count anymore.
Well, there's the maid outfit, but that's also because Dazai would want him to play the part as well. And the humiliation of serving Dazai, curtsying for him, calling him Master... Okay, it's a turn on, but he has other objections as well!
He shoves that thought aside before he accidentally does get hard. The next question isn't really any easier, not just because he's bad at considering his own needs like that, and feels bad about asking for it, but because he honestly doesn't know. He doesn't want to ask for something that turns out not to help, either.
Well, he should probably eat, shouldn't he?]
I could order us some food - [wait, his phone is in another room] - Or you could. And we could nap until then.
[He almost never naps, and definitely doesn't suggest it for the two of them. But Dazai likes naps, and Chuuya just wants to curl up close.]
[Well then, petting Chuuya is hardly a big price to pay for making him so pliable. Not that Dazai really minds it when Chuuya gets recalcitrant, either, but sometimes it's nice to just be able to be lazy about these things... Nice for both of them, it seems.]
Mhm, sounds like a plan.
[Taking out his phone, Dazai manages to put in an order for some halfway decent food using only his free hand, still slowly petting Chuuya. He will absolutely pretend to nap - and he will absolutely not wake Chuuya up when the food arrives. (There was definitely a note with his food order to please not ring the doorbell because of sleeping pets.) Dazai will just eat his own share, and the rest will be there for Chuuya when he wakes up.
... Of course, by that time, Dazai may just be having a nap of his own, since apparently he's not allowed to leave. (He doesn't really mind that.)]
[Chuuya hadn't expected to sleep that long. He hadn't thought he was that tired, but maybe that had just been because he'd struggled to relax. And with Dazai here, petting him, staying, something in Chuuya was finally able to let go. He'd still half expected Dazai to have left by the time he wakes up, surprised and happy when he feels the warmth of his body still there, even though Dazai clearly hasn't been sleeping the whole time.
He is now, though. Chuuya kind of wants to get a picture of it, except... his phone is still not on him, and he doesn't want to move away. He could steal Dazai's phone to take it, and then just send it to himself, but he's pretty sure he'd wake Dazai up if he tried.
So instead he reaches for the food, trying to stay quiet, and to avoid moving too much. He's hungrier than he'd realized, too, but even so, he keeps glancing at Dazai while he eats. He wants to brush his hair back out of his face, but that would definitely wake him, too.
Why is he doing all this for Chuuya?]
And you'd still be confused by how you make me feel...
[He keeps his voice low, barely a whisper. He probably shouldn't say it at all, but he can't hold these things in forever, and right now he's feeling it so much it's overwhelming.
That bastard stayed. Chuuya shoves more food in his mouth, like that will distract him.]
[It's strange that Dazai manages to fall asleep at all, because that is not one of his many talents. But he had a good meal, and he manages to be fairly relaxed after everything, somehow. So he does sleep for a little bit, apparently.
He also absolutely wakes up mere seconds after Chuuya, because of course he does. Pretending like he's still asleep isn't even on purpose, at first... He's just nice and relaxed, lying there over the couch. As long as there's no reason to, why would he bother opening his eyes, and all that other stuff? Chuuya doesn't seem to be in trouble or anything, so let him eat.
... And let him say weird things, apparently.]
How I make you feel?
[He says it first, and only then cracks open an eye. His timing, right when Chuuya is stuffing his face, is not deliberate, but still excellent.]
[Chuuya really had thought Dazai was asleep. He chokes on the food he was about to swallow, turning abruptly when Dazai's speaks. He would have given him a horrified (embarrassed) look, but instead he's coughing, doubling over, nearly spilling the rest of his food, trying to dislodge that small piece of meat.
At least he manages to turn away from Dazai again as he coughs so hard his eyes start to water.
Give him a second. Or a minute.]
You --
[He clears his throat again. Looks around for a napkin.]
[Sitting up unhurriedly, Dazai deigns to pat Chuuya on the back. He doesn't do it nearly roughly enough to help with dislodging any food, but... it's the thought that counts??
There's not enough of a thought to help Chuuya find a napkin, though, because Dazai doesn't really care, himself. Besides, it's Chuuya's place! Chuuya knows best where to find things. (Dazai just has a pretty good idea, too.)]
That's strange! I don't normally hear chibis barking in my dreams.
[You kinda had that coming, Chuuya. At least Dazai isn't overly intent on being a dick about anything; he's just curious.]
How do I make you feel?
[He should have probably asked that before being kind of a dick. But then, he did! It's not his fault that Chuuya didn't answer him properly.]
[Napkins are in the kitchen, too far away. But there were also a couple in the takeout bags, thankfully. Chuuya uses one to clean up the small mess he'd made, and the other to wipe his face, a bit embarrassed Dazai actually made him choke on the food.]
You were sleeping.
[He knows he's not convincing Dazai, but he hadn't expected to be overheard, and he's definitely not prepared to explain. He knows he shouldn't be surprised that Dazai was, apparently, awake, and yet he somehow always is.
He grabs his food again, and then, since Dazai's hand is on his back anyway, it feels natural to lean back and against Dazai's side before picking up his chopsticks so he can have some more. He looks like he'd really prefer to hide his face at the moment, keeping his head turned firmly downwards.]
So I was! And then I woke up. That's how these things work, Chuuya.
[Really, he can't be blamed for when he woke up - or didn't wake up. These things are out of one's control, don't you know!?
Dazai settles back with Chuuya leaning against him, the position surprisingly comfortable in spite of the clear awkwardness of the topic on Chuuya's part. Chuuya can hide his face all he wants; Dazai knows what it looks like. Besides, a fancy place like Chuuya's has a lot of reflective surfaces that can help Dazai get a good view.... but for now he's not going to point that out.]
So I was just imagining a confession you were about to give me? [He gives a dramatic sigh for good measure.] Too bad, too bad...
[He really can't blame Dazai. He still wants to, just because it's Dazai, because somehow he always overhears the things Chuuya doesn't want him to, or finds out some other way. Maybe Chuuya was careless, but Dazai always seems to know when he should pretend to sleep and when he shouldn't. Except that thinking about it like that really doesn't make Chuuya less embarrassed.
He eats another bite.]
And now you're jumping to conclusions.
[Another bite. The worst part is that it's not even a bad thing. Chuuya just has no idea how to talk about feelings, and isn't sure too many feelings won't come out all at once, like opening the lid of a pressurized container.]
Why can't you just be asleep when you look like you're sleeping?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He's smiling now. He can't help it.]
Never wanted this with anyone other than Dazai.
[Dazai might claim that it's always been easy, but he's earned this. Building trust was never something that came naturally to either of them.]
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No... Maybe it's the other way around, actually. Maybe it's because they've never pretended, never did worse or better to each other than they needed to, that it somehow became easier to trust each other. The world is full of bullshit and betrayal, after all. It's refreshing to not have to pretend too much.
Even if that ended up accidentally leading to another kind of pretending. Oh well, they're here now.]
Good.
[That's all he can say to that, really. It's just as well that Chuuya has things that are only for Dazai. The rest of the world fares the better for it.]
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But the two of them figured out where that line should be, and they both decided - even if they never actually talked about it - that it was important because it was theirs. Even when it was at the most painful.
Or maybe because it was often so painful, and they needed something to hold on to.]
You knew that.
[Or maybe that was one thing Dazai actually needed to have confirmed. That's not a bad thought, either, actually. Besides, hearing that possessive tone makes him feel good.]
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[Logic, he has it. Still gently petting Chuuya's hair, because that is really quite a nice thing to keep his hands busy he's found, he belatedly thinks of arguably an even better comparison.]
Look - Chuuya always looks good, but you still enjoy when I say so.
[The logic is just getting more and more flawless here.]
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Yeah, you should say it more often.
[The logic works for him. And Dazai does tell him he looks good sometimes, while Chuuya has rarely admitted how much he wants Dazai - or that he really only wants Dazai - so that makes saying it now all the more important.]
Wait. Did you know? You couldn't know what I was up to for those four years you were hiding in some hole.
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[Weeeeeeell... maybe not completely. He certainly didn't keep tabs on Chuuya nearly as much as he had felt inclined to. Choices were made, priorities were set, etc. And, okay, maybe it was just easier to convince himself he was letting go, only dabbling with the tiniest bit of tabs-keeping under the guise of amusement. If that wasn't the whole truth... it was not a lie, either.
More importantly:]
Chuuya is beautiful, even now. Especially now!
[Okay, maybe he's laying it on a little thick. But he's not lying!]
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[Chuuya did assume Dazai kept track of the Port Mafia in that time, which would at least give Dazai a few updates on Chuuya, just as an extension. But this is more than just that. Chuuya rolls onto his back, still with his head resting in Dazai's lap, just so he can look up at him now.]
I knew that was you.
[He never mentioned it to anyone, those times he'd convinced himself Dazai was around and fucking with him somehow. He'd honestly just been relieved about the sign of life, even if it did lead to at least one round of food poisoning.
And why shouldn't he be happy for the proof that Dazai couldn't fully stay away, even then?]
Only you'd say that when I look like a mess.
[Dazai and his damn way with words when he wants to. Chuuya knows he looks good, he doesn't need to be told, but somehow Dazai always knows how to get to him. The bastard means it, that's the worst part. Chuuya outright asked for the compliment, and he can still feel himself blushing, just a little.]
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With Chuuya looking up at him, there are other ways to smooth out his hair, and it's easier for Dazai to lazily twirl a strand or two around his fingers. Sure, he's here to make Chuuya feel better (apparently!), but that doesn't mean he can't enjoy himself in the process. One of these days, maybe he should give Chuuya a perm in his sleep... but not today.]
You don't? I don't lie when I don't need to. [... Does anyone ever need to lie? If they do, is there any reason why Dazai shouldn't "need" to now?? ... Well, the point is, he's not lying.] You still look good, Chuuya.
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I know you're not lying. And I know I look good. But you're--
[He doesn't so much cut himself off as realize he actually had nowhere he was going with that argument, and so he's forced to stop. His mouth stays slightly open for a second before he just throws an arm over his face like a shield. He's flustered. He'd been feeling like shit and now Dazai has him feeling flustered. He's still feeling vulnerable, all his emotions right there, without his usual defensive anger to hide behind.
The matching sweatshirt and sweatpants he's wearing are old, worn, the colors faded, probably should have been thrown out ages ago, except they're comfortable and not meant to be worn around other people anyway. He's definitely not looking his best.
And Dazai is looking so pleased about it all.]
I -- What the hell am I supposed to say to that?
[How dare Dazai make him feel good about himself??]
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Embarrassment is a nice look on Chuuya, too, in a variety of different ways. Dazai finds that he doesn't mind the current, relatively benign one, either.]
You're not supposed to say anything, Chuuya. Didn't I tell you before?
I don't need anything from you.
[The words could be interpreted so negatively, but that's not how Dazai means them at all, and that's not the tone in which he uses them either. Chuuya makes a habit of being used; Dazai doesn't care to do that (barring specific circumstances, anyway!). Dazai makes a habit of using people, but he is playing no such games with Chuuya.
He's only here because he wants to be. And, here and now, that is enough.]
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But as much as he loves when Dazai puts in that little effort, it's not like those are the times that make him stop in his tracks. So maybe he gets it. Because maybe seeing Dazai sitting quietly with a cup of coffee, bandages a little loose because he needs to replace them but hasn't yet, is better than any tailored suit ever could be. Even if he's not sure he could compare this - he just noticed the pants have a hole on the thigh - to that.
But when Dazai says he doesn't need anything, it doesn't sound like anything negative at all.]
If you were anyone else, I would have changed before you made it into the apartment.
[There's a reason why Dazai gets to see him like this.]
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[It's just a small sound of acknowledgement, because Dazai believes that, too: he doesn't expect Chuuya to let anyone else see him like this. And that's as it should be. In some ways, Dazai believes that it would be better for Chuuya to have more real connections with people; that Chuuya would benefit from letting his guard down around people other than Dazai, as well. But Chuuya has never been that way inclined, and Dazai frankly likes that. Even if their connection is special, that doesn't mean that Dazai wants to share Chuuya with the world that badly.]
... Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't take off your clothes altogether.
[No he's not, that's just a joke in extremely bad taste. But it wouldn't be so bad to lighten the mood a little, and hopefully get Chuuya to relax a little more. For that matter: even if Chuuya gets angry, that wouldn't be unwelcome either! There are no bad outcomes here, Dazai thinks.]
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I like making you work for it sometimes.
[That, and Dazai gives him about a two second warning to change or get undressed, since he almost never lets Chuuya know he's coming and just breaks in. Other people ring the doorbell. Not that Chuuya would want Dazai to, when he likes how often he's been coming over. It's probably better not to think about how that makes all of this sound like something established.
It's just how it works for them. That's all it is.]
Maybe next time I'll put on extra layers instead.
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Remind me to set fire to your wardrobe.
[Nah, he probably won't do that, especially now that he's announced it. But if Chuuya is going to come up with ridiculous measures, then Dazai can come up with ridiculous counter-measures. That's just how life goes.
And, while Dazai won't say it, he's rather glad to hear Chuuya's amused huff. Dazai may be a genius, but that doesn't mean he has a magically accurate insight into every other person's psyche, as much as he likes to pretend otherwise. But if Chuuya can still be amused, then things will be okay sooner or later. And that is a relief.]
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You'd end up burning clothes you like making me wear.
[So he's not worried - wait, no, Dazai would take those clothes out, and force him to wear nothing else. So he's worried. Except that he has no intention of wearing extra clothes when Dazai wants him naked, and they both know it.]
You're just trying to trick me into agreeing to let you decide what I wear when you feel like it.
[Nudity was really never the concern here.]
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[Somehow the question is halfway rhetorical and halfway emotional blackmail. They both know that Dazai has ways to make things work out the way he wants them to. Chuuya could try to stop him, but Dazai would know and take counter-measures, and -... Well, wouldn't be easier if they both saved themselves the trouble? It's not like Dazai asks too much of Chuuya.
... Not usually, anyway...
His petting of Chuuya's hair slows down a little, though he doesn't stop; he half intended to stop, but he finds himself enjoying it, and so he keeps going.]
Is there anything else you need?
[It feels like a strangely broad question, and one that somehow exposes Dazai as much as it does Chuuya. But, since Chuuya seems to have calmed down some, it needs to be asked. A little water and chocolate is a good start, but... just in case.]
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Not really. At least if you keep petting me.
[With Dazai still petting his hair, it's difficult to care about anything else enough to lie. Sure, he might object at times when Dazai brings out something new, but it's usually just for the sake of it, and he gives in quickly enough. There's only a few exceptions, like the dog ears and tail, but even that doesn't count anymore.
Well, there's the maid outfit, but that's also because Dazai would want him to play the part as well. And the humiliation of serving Dazai, curtsying for him, calling him Master... Okay, it's a turn on, but he has other objections as well!
He shoves that thought aside before he accidentally does get hard. The next question isn't really any easier, not just because he's bad at considering his own needs like that, and feels bad about asking for it, but because he honestly doesn't know. He doesn't want to ask for something that turns out not to help, either.
Well, he should probably eat, shouldn't he?]
I could order us some food - [wait, his phone is in another room] - Or you could. And we could nap until then.
[He almost never naps, and definitely doesn't suggest it for the two of them. But Dazai likes naps, and Chuuya just wants to curl up close.]
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Mhm, sounds like a plan.
[Taking out his phone, Dazai manages to put in an order for some halfway decent food using only his free hand, still slowly petting Chuuya. He will absolutely pretend to nap - and he will absolutely not wake Chuuya up when the food arrives. (There was definitely a note with his food order to please not ring the doorbell because of sleeping pets.) Dazai will just eat his own share, and the rest will be there for Chuuya when he wakes up.
... Of course, by that time, Dazai may just be having a nap of his own, since apparently he's not allowed to leave. (He doesn't really mind that.)]
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He is now, though. Chuuya kind of wants to get a picture of it, except... his phone is still not on him, and he doesn't want to move away. He could steal Dazai's phone to take it, and then just send it to himself, but he's pretty sure he'd wake Dazai up if he tried.
So instead he reaches for the food, trying to stay quiet, and to avoid moving too much. He's hungrier than he'd realized, too, but even so, he keeps glancing at Dazai while he eats. He wants to brush his hair back out of his face, but that would definitely wake him, too.
Why is he doing all this for Chuuya?]
And you'd still be confused by how you make me feel...
[He keeps his voice low, barely a whisper. He probably shouldn't say it at all, but he can't hold these things in forever, and right now he's feeling it so much it's overwhelming.
That bastard stayed. Chuuya shoves more food in his mouth, like that will distract him.]
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He also absolutely wakes up mere seconds after Chuuya, because of course he does. Pretending like he's still asleep isn't even on purpose, at first... He's just nice and relaxed, lying there over the couch. As long as there's no reason to, why would he bother opening his eyes, and all that other stuff? Chuuya doesn't seem to be in trouble or anything, so let him eat.
... And let him say weird things, apparently.]
How I make you feel?
[He says it first, and only then cracks open an eye. His timing, right when Chuuya is stuffing his face, is not deliberate, but still excellent.]
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At least he manages to turn away from Dazai again as he coughs so hard his eyes start to water.
Give him a second. Or a minute.]
You --
[He clears his throat again. Looks around for a napkin.]
You were dreaming!
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There's not enough of a thought to help Chuuya find a napkin, though, because Dazai doesn't really care, himself. Besides, it's Chuuya's place! Chuuya knows best where to find things. (Dazai just has a pretty good idea, too.)]
That's strange! I don't normally hear chibis barking in my dreams.
[You kinda had that coming, Chuuya. At least Dazai isn't overly intent on being a dick about anything; he's just curious.]
How do I make you feel?
[He should have probably asked that before being kind of a dick. But then, he did! It's not his fault that Chuuya didn't answer him properly.]
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You were sleeping.
[He knows he's not convincing Dazai, but he hadn't expected to be overheard, and he's definitely not prepared to explain. He knows he shouldn't be surprised that Dazai was, apparently, awake, and yet he somehow always is.
He grabs his food again, and then, since Dazai's hand is on his back anyway, it feels natural to lean back and against Dazai's side before picking up his chopsticks so he can have some more. He looks like he'd really prefer to hide his face at the moment, keeping his head turned firmly downwards.]
I didn't say anything. You were imagining things.
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[Really, he can't be blamed for when he woke up - or didn't wake up. These things are out of one's control, don't you know!?
Dazai settles back with Chuuya leaning against him, the position surprisingly comfortable in spite of the clear awkwardness of the topic on Chuuya's part. Chuuya can hide his face all he wants; Dazai knows what it looks like. Besides, a fancy place like Chuuya's has a lot of reflective surfaces that can help Dazai get a good view.... but for now he's not going to point that out.]
So I was just imagining a confession you were about to give me? [He gives a dramatic sigh for good measure.] Too bad, too bad...
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He eats another bite.]
And now you're jumping to conclusions.
[Another bite. The worst part is that it's not even a bad thing. Chuuya just has no idea how to talk about feelings, and isn't sure too many feelings won't come out all at once, like opening the lid of a pressurized container.]
Why can't you just be asleep when you look like you're sleeping?
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