so smoke 'em if you got 'em 'cause it's going down

[indensity]

Comments

[indensity]

fine, but if you max it out i’m not paying it off until the end of the month

and whatever you ordered two days ago, i’m making sure it gets delivered here instead

[diesuki]

i don't buy THAT much
usually

[... Welp, time to reroute whatever he ordered, and send Chuu something embarrassing instead. Or maybe he saw this coming and that's why he hit up Bad Dragon or something.]

[indensity]

usually
and i'm more than rich enough to afford it, but i don't like letting you have things for free

[if it's a sex toy dazai has to use it on him, that's the rule]

[diesuki]

you say that like i never do anything for you, chuuya

[... Bullying counts as "something", right? Chuuya gets off on it, so.

That rule is acceptable, even though Dazai would enjoy video evidence too.]

[indensity]

even if you do somethig, you'll be a dick about it, and that cancels it out

[Even if he does get off on it, but that's irrelevant here.]

[diesuki]

you like me being a dick, though

if anything i'm doing you a favor

it's hard for me too you know!

[Ah yes, the hard life of being a dick. Pity him!]

[indensity]

i know yours gets hard from you being a dick, but that doesn't mean i'm in the mood too

[diesuki]

aren't you?

how strange! it usually seems to work. could it be that chuuya is growing up???

[indensity]

maybe i'm trying out some new kinks
like being a dick to you

[diesuki]

neglect play isn't supposed to work on yourself, chuuya

[indensity]

you say that as if you haven't pulled that exact move several times in the past

[diesuki]

not on myself, though

[Well...

I mean.

If you squint -...

... Let's not squint.]

[indensity]

you can't neglect someone else without neglecting yourself

[he's squinting]

[diesuki]

[RETURN OF THE SQUINT WARS because what even can Dazai say to that except the truth?]

only chuuya could believe something like that

[indensity]

[... dazai has a point, and he hates it.]

if you want the same thing you're neglecting yourself, too

[diesuki]

only if you want the same thing

[indensity]

and you do want the same thing

[diesuki]

[No, he -... Wait.....]

neither of us wants you being a dick to me, though

[indensity]

[don't call him ou-- no he can't even pretend anyway.]

fine i guess i'll let you come fuck me

[diesuki]

fine

[Wait why is he agreeing!?]

i suppose i can add something to my order, then

[As compensation? For sexytimes? Just to be a dick?? Probably all of the above, but he'll finetune that plan later.]

[indensity]

[wait]

what are you buying?

[diesuki]

you'll have to wait and find out~!

[Actually he doesn't know yet. But that means that his above statement is absolutely real and genuine!]

[indensity]

i should make sure you can't get your hands on the package

[he knows he can't, and he doesn't even want to really, but still]

[diesuki]

do you really think you can?

[Probably could, if he really tried. But only because Dazai doesn't care enough to stop him.

OK but what if Dazai just sends a package with something really dumb and mundane to get Chuuya wondering what the hell he's up to, while Dazai intercepts the real package and/or makes sure that arrives later?

Just a random package with, like. A single sock. A jar of jam. And one of those things to scrape ice off car windows.]

[indensity]

that sounds like a challenge

if i get my hands on it first, you have to obey one order from me

[it's his credit card, he should be able to reroute it before dazai can, right? or intercept it somehow?

if dazai manages to distract chuuya with a fake package he's gonna be so mad]