so smoke 'em if you got 'em 'cause it's going down

[indensity]

Comments

[diesuki]

you like me being a dick, though

if anything i'm doing you a favor

it's hard for me too you know!

[Ah yes, the hard life of being a dick. Pity him!]

[indensity]

i know yours gets hard from you being a dick, but that doesn't mean i'm in the mood too

[diesuki]

aren't you?

how strange! it usually seems to work. could it be that chuuya is growing up???

[indensity]

maybe i'm trying out some new kinks
like being a dick to you

[diesuki]

neglect play isn't supposed to work on yourself, chuuya

[indensity]

you say that as if you haven't pulled that exact move several times in the past

[diesuki]

not on myself, though

[Well...

I mean.

If you squint -...

... Let's not squint.]

[indensity]

you can't neglect someone else without neglecting yourself

[he's squinting]

[diesuki]

[RETURN OF THE SQUINT WARS because what even can Dazai say to that except the truth?]

only chuuya could believe something like that

[indensity]

[... dazai has a point, and he hates it.]

if you want the same thing you're neglecting yourself, too

[diesuki]

only if you want the same thing

[indensity]

and you do want the same thing

[diesuki]

[No, he -... Wait.....]

neither of us wants you being a dick to me, though

[indensity]

[don't call him ou-- no he can't even pretend anyway.]

fine i guess i'll let you come fuck me

[diesuki]

fine

[Wait why is he agreeing!?]

i suppose i can add something to my order, then

[As compensation? For sexytimes? Just to be a dick?? Probably all of the above, but he'll finetune that plan later.]

[indensity]

[wait]

what are you buying?

[diesuki]

you'll have to wait and find out~!

[Actually he doesn't know yet. But that means that his above statement is absolutely real and genuine!]

[indensity]

i should make sure you can't get your hands on the package

[he knows he can't, and he doesn't even want to really, but still]

[diesuki]

do you really think you can?

[Probably could, if he really tried. But only because Dazai doesn't care enough to stop him.

OK but what if Dazai just sends a package with something really dumb and mundane to get Chuuya wondering what the hell he's up to, while Dazai intercepts the real package and/or makes sure that arrives later?

Just a random package with, like. A single sock. A jar of jam. And one of those things to scrape ice off car windows.]

[indensity]

that sounds like a challenge

if i get my hands on it first, you have to obey one order from me

[it's his credit card, he should be able to reroute it before dazai can, right? or intercept it somehow?

if dazai manages to distract chuuya with a fake package he's gonna be so mad]

[diesuki]

oh? then let the games begin~

but the reverse also applies, chuuya

[Time to think of a nice (or not-so-nice) order for his dog!

Definitely going to distract Chuuya with a fake package now. That way Chuuya will only get to be happy about at least winning that challenge - but Dazai will have written something on the inside of the box or something to prove he did, in fact, get his hands on it first.

Just another day in the life.]

[indensity]

[He really should learn not to make these bets with Dazai... On the other hand, that would be the same as admitting he can't win against Dazai, and no way in hell is he ever going to do that. Besides, Chuuya has a ton of resources he can take advantage of... The Port Mafia is a smuggling business, they know a thing or two about intercepting packages.

So he's definitely disappointed when Dazai still somehow managages to trick him.

But. A bet's a bet.

Ugh.]

what the hell, dazai?
at least bring some bread when you come over so i can use this jar of jam for something

[diesuki]

[A challenge is, indeed, a challenge, and unfortunately Dazai is rather OP when he bothers to put any efforts in. He knows the Port Mafia's smuggling business as well as Chuuya does, after all.]

but what if i want you to spread it all over yourself, instead?

[That is not his order, yet. But if Chuuya wants to think it is, that's fine too!]

[indensity]

[an order has to be phrased as an order, he already fell for that in the past]

too damn sticky
this definitely isn't actually what you ordered, where's the other package?

[diesuki]

[Yeaaaaah it was unlikely. Still, can't succeed without trying!]

five
four
three
two -

[Dingdong~! And no, that's not Dazai, but he's clearly keeping a close eye on the delivery person somehow. (Well, he arguably had to physically slow them down for this whole game to work, so.)]