so smoke 'em if you got 'em 'cause it's going down

[indensity]

Comments

[indensity]

you can't neglect someone else without neglecting yourself

[he's squinting]

[diesuki]

[RETURN OF THE SQUINT WARS because what even can Dazai say to that except the truth?]

only chuuya could believe something like that

[indensity]

[... dazai has a point, and he hates it.]

if you want the same thing you're neglecting yourself, too

[diesuki]

only if you want the same thing

[indensity]

and you do want the same thing

[diesuki]

[No, he -... Wait.....]

neither of us wants you being a dick to me, though

[indensity]

[don't call him ou-- no he can't even pretend anyway.]

fine i guess i'll let you come fuck me

[diesuki]

fine

[Wait why is he agreeing!?]

i suppose i can add something to my order, then

[As compensation? For sexytimes? Just to be a dick?? Probably all of the above, but he'll finetune that plan later.]

[indensity]

[wait]

what are you buying?

[diesuki]

you'll have to wait and find out~!

[Actually he doesn't know yet. But that means that his above statement is absolutely real and genuine!]

[indensity]

i should make sure you can't get your hands on the package

[he knows he can't, and he doesn't even want to really, but still]

[diesuki]

do you really think you can?

[Probably could, if he really tried. But only because Dazai doesn't care enough to stop him.

OK but what if Dazai just sends a package with something really dumb and mundane to get Chuuya wondering what the hell he's up to, while Dazai intercepts the real package and/or makes sure that arrives later?

Just a random package with, like. A single sock. A jar of jam. And one of those things to scrape ice off car windows.]

[indensity]

that sounds like a challenge

if i get my hands on it first, you have to obey one order from me

[it's his credit card, he should be able to reroute it before dazai can, right? or intercept it somehow?

if dazai manages to distract chuuya with a fake package he's gonna be so mad]

[diesuki]

oh? then let the games begin~

but the reverse also applies, chuuya

[Time to think of a nice (or not-so-nice) order for his dog!

Definitely going to distract Chuuya with a fake package now. That way Chuuya will only get to be happy about at least winning that challenge - but Dazai will have written something on the inside of the box or something to prove he did, in fact, get his hands on it first.

Just another day in the life.]

[indensity]

[He really should learn not to make these bets with Dazai... On the other hand, that would be the same as admitting he can't win against Dazai, and no way in hell is he ever going to do that. Besides, Chuuya has a ton of resources he can take advantage of... The Port Mafia is a smuggling business, they know a thing or two about intercepting packages.

So he's definitely disappointed when Dazai still somehow managages to trick him.

But. A bet's a bet.

Ugh.]

what the hell, dazai?
at least bring some bread when you come over so i can use this jar of jam for something

[diesuki]

[A challenge is, indeed, a challenge, and unfortunately Dazai is rather OP when he bothers to put any efforts in. He knows the Port Mafia's smuggling business as well as Chuuya does, after all.]

but what if i want you to spread it all over yourself, instead?

[That is not his order, yet. But if Chuuya wants to think it is, that's fine too!]

[indensity]

[an order has to be phrased as an order, he already fell for that in the past]

too damn sticky
this definitely isn't actually what you ordered, where's the other package?

[diesuki]

[Yeaaaaah it was unlikely. Still, can't succeed without trying!]

five
four
three
two -

[Dingdong~! And no, that's not Dazai, but he's clearly keeping a close eye on the delivery person somehow. (Well, he arguably had to physically slow them down for this whole game to work, so.)]

[indensity]

[Chuuya isn't really surprised that the package arrives without Dazai. At least it gives him a chance to check what it is - and he's ripping that package open the second he has it inside, just in case there's something in there he needs to destroy in advance.

But there isn't, surprisingly. It's a few toys and some lingerie, surprisingly tame considering he'd be willing to wear it without Dazai having to convince him first.]

if you're coming over now, i can shower and change into this

[diesuki]

aren't we excited~?

unfortunately i'll be held up a little while longer, but feel free to start without me.

provided your security code is still the same, that is.

[If Chuuya has to physically let Dazai in? Then it's probably not a great idea for him to get started already. As fun as it would be to have Chuuya open the door in lingerie, Dazai doesn't want to wait at the door forever.]

[indensity]

i didn't say i was excited

i changed the code. remember that time with the balloons?

[Did he specifically change the code to something he knows dazai would be able to guess? Obviously not, he'd never, it's just a coincidence, clearly!!

But he'll take Dazai up on that offer. He showers, changes into the thigh highs and garter belt - he hates admitting it, but Dazai has good taste in these things - and then grabs the toys to try them out and get himself ready. He'll sit on the couch, legs lifted and spread, taking his time to work himself open, checking his phone every few minutes to see if Dazai has said anything else.

Not that he's excited.]

[diesuki]

(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

[Yup, that's all he replies; he does, indeed, remember the balloons, and that's all the information he needed (actually more, but he appreciates not having to put any effort in). And no, he won't be texting again after that. He did say he was busy! Which may or may not be true, but either way, he wants Chuuya to get worked up properly before he gets there. That's effort that Dazai doesn't really mind putting in, actually, but for this specific occasion, it's going to make things a lot easier.

He enters eventually, very quietly - out of habit more than with any dark intent (for once) - carrying another package. He did say there was another one, didn't he? (Sort of. Kind of...)]

Well, well, I'm glad to see you didn't waste any time~

[indensity]

[Chuuya is starting to think he should have waited a bit before trying the toys... He's not the most patient, but he's not about to make himself cum before Dazai even gets there, so right now he has no choice. He could stop, but that's the same as giving in, and so he won't.

His head has fallen back against the backrest, but he keeps fucking himself, slowly, biting the insides of his cheeks as the toy rubs against his prostate again and again. It's curved in exactly the right way to make that inevitable.

He opens his eyes when Dazai speaks, surprised expression revealing that he hadn't heard him come in, and slows down his hand so he can reply.]

If you didn't get here soon, I was gonna finish without you.

[Rule number one: always lie to Dazai.]

[diesuki]

[Rule number 1b: Dazai always knows. Fortunately there is also rule 1b, addendum 1: Dazai may or may not rub that in.]

And what a waste that would have been.

[His rather bored expression suggests he doesn't buy Chuuya's statement in the least, but it's fine: Dazai's got bigger plans right now. He can let Chuuya have this one.

He flops down on the couch next to Chuuya, like that's a perfectly normal thing to do when someone is jerking off.]

I had another present for you, after all~!

[Does it even count as a present when Chuuya paid for it himself? Eh, probably!

Dazai hands over the new and improved(?) package to Chuuya with a smile. Always worry when Dazai is smiling... There's also the fact that he's got an order ready to throw at Chuuya, but he'll let him discover the basics first. Because yes, that package certainly does contain a vibrating dog tail, and some other puppy paraphernalia. (Mostly the ears! The ears are cute.)]

[indensity]

[Chuuya tries to take the package, realizes he can't in this position, hesitates, and then pulls the toy out of himself with a frustrated sound. He didn't want to stop. He'll just hand that toy over to Dazai for now.

And then he'll sit up, so he can actually take that package. He gives Dazai a look to let him know he doesn't trust it.]

Pretty sure you got yourself a present.

[But Chuuya secretly loves presents either way, so he's going to rip that open impatiently. And then he's going to just stare.

Oh.

Oh no.]

Fucking bastard. Dazai.

[Yeah, that's definitely a whine.]