[He probably shouldn't agree so easily, but he knows he's being a bit of a dick about all of this, when Dazai is actually being considerate.
But that's something he can worry about later. Spending some time wandering the town, shopping, like they're normal people on some sort of normal-people-day-trip, is actually a pretty good way to clear his head. Not to mention improve his mood. Maybe it really has been too long since he took some time off, even just a day.
He's definitely impressed with the outfit Dazai picks out. He won't even pretend otherwise for once, just selects a few accessories and accent pieces to complete the look, but holds them out for Dazai to approve before making any decisions, since the vision is ultimately his.
The outfit he picks out for Dazai is more of an issue. Not because it's hard to choose something, but because usually he spends so much time trying to hide just how attracted he is to Dazai, but he can't consider these clothes on him without also admiring him in the process. He looks too damn good. Chuuya selects something to complement the outfit Dazai chose for him - not quite matching, and not too obvious, but each outfit would highlight the best in the other - and then, when Dazai tries it on, can't stop himself from smoothing it out, hands across Dazai's chest, before reaching up to brush his fingers through his hair to fluff it up for him... just to check every detail of the complete look, of course.
And then steps back too quickly again, a little flustered by his own actions.]
Is it comfortable? I don't want you to be distracted by an itchy seam or something while you wear it.
[Those times he's bought clothes for Dazai before as well, making sure they're comfortable to wear has been as important as everything else he considers.]
[As for Dazai: he doesn't argue with any additions Chuuya wants to make to the outfit Dazai has picked out. He could, but why would he? Chuuya is accepting the outfit, and he clearly knows how to make the most of it. In a way, that benefits Dazai, too. His dog should look good, after all!
He may complain a bit about the clothes Chuuya picks out for him, but it's very minor - arguing about whether it's really the best shade of that color for him, perhaps - and mostly intended to make it seem like he's not going along too easily. He does consider whether he should ruin the look somehow, just because he can... but Chuuya embarrassing himself puts him in a good mood, and so he doesn't.]
So considerate~! [He beams an angelic smile at Chuuya - which is more because he enjoys how flustered Chuuya is than because of Chuuya's kindness, but whatever.] And here I thought you'd welcome the excuse for me to take them off later.
["Ohnoes, these clothes are just so itchy! We should go somewhere I can take them off as soon as possible!!" Seems like a perfectly reasonable plotline for some kind of adult story, doesn't it?
Some store clerks definitely overheard him and are now whispering among themselves and/or freaking out. Oh, well!]
[Chuuya notices the whispering. It's impossible not to, since it's not too discreet, which means there's no way for him to miss the fact that these clerks definitely think the two of them are dating. He hears a soft aww coming from one of them, and if he was flustered before, that easily made it worse. He's turning red.]
You'll be taking them off later anyway.
[He, at least, will keep his voice low enough to avoid being overheard. And he says it like it's an insult, even though he really just admitted that he wants Dazai. He ducks his head, and considers hiding in one of the changing rooms, if he can get past Dazai without making it too obvious that's why he's doing it.]
I'm just not gonna waste my money on clothes you don't even wanna wear.
[Not always often, but that's also a matter of context and what not. Chuuya can get him all the Nice™ clothes, but Dazai doesn't have much of a need for those anymore. He lives a simpler life these days, don't you know?
Dazai wouldn't truly mind getting it on right here in the store, but he also kind of ruined their odds of flying under the radar - and maybe that's even why he did it. While he enjoys sex with Chuuya, they do still need to talk at some point - and if it needs to happen during post-sex relaxation, he'd rather be somewhere more private for that.]
Well then, should we get these to go?
[That is absolutely what you do with clothes. You just pay and wear them right out of the store.]
[Wait. No, don't call him out on the fact that he's always buying Dazai clothes, that definitely makes it seem like they're together. And it sounds too nice. He'd obviously never do anything that nice.
So he won't object to paying and leaving, and getting away from these people and the looks they're now giving the two of them. Chuuya gets the clothes they came in packed into bags, and grabs them to carry since he already knows Dazai won't help. And he's realizing now, holding those bags, that there's no way they'll be able to keep driving later, or at least not on his motorcycle. He should have known that from the start, really.]
You did that on purpose.
[He waits until they're out of the store to make that accusation. It's... not the worst kind of embarrassment, though, since Dazai really is here, spending time with him. But. Still.]
[It's fiiiiine, Dazai can sit on the back of the bike and hold a bag or two. Maybe. Or they can burn their old clothes or something. Have a little bonfire by the sea!]
Did I?
[Yeah, he really did, which is why he's not even denying it, really. But it wasn't malicious or anything, so clearly he doesn't need to even pretend to feel bad about it.]
Chuuya just seemed to be getting a little too eager. It wouldn't do to ruin your reputation here immediately after you've arrived, would it?
[Not that it really matters when they're not exactly planning to live here, but...]
[And Chuuya isn't even remotely upset, really. Blaming Dazai is just another way to deflect the situation, so he can forget about how flustered about this he still feels.]
I wasn't eager.
[Wanting to touch Dazai doesn't make him --
Okay, but he hadn't actually wanted to touch him in a sexual way, in that moment. He'd just wanted to fix his shirt and enjoy how normal this all feels and take advantage of the fact that he's allowed to step into into Dazai's personal space like that and --
[That's definitely worse - so aren't you glad that Dazai saved you all that nonsense? He'll take your thank-you in writing, much appreciated. ... Actually, carrying the bags is adequate compensation too, so he'll let it slide.]
Hmm, let's see...
[There's a wine store, but he's skipping that one just on principle. Then there's a book store, but he also knows what he'll end up reading yet another copy of if he goes there, so he'll pass... This is kind of bad. He did want to offer Chuuya a distraction, but the idea of much more shopping is already kind of tiresome.]
How about we just grab a drink from the konbini and find somewhere to sit?
[Why that seems less boring than shopping is anyone's guess, but there ya go. Anyway, he can be convinced to shop more if Chuuya really wants.
He just also wants to have a drink - coffee or alcohol, either works! - and maybe nap for a bit while lying on a park bench with his head in Chuuya's lap. They were up all night, so! That's clearly a logical and reasonable plan!]
[Chuuya had definitely expected to be dragged into some ridiculous tourist shop or something else like that, and he wouldn't even have minded if that's what Dazai wanted. This works, too, though. Choosing these outfits had taken a while, and with the lack of sleep, he's definitely low on energy. Most days he'd use adrenaline to keep going, but that's not an option here.
Relaxing sounds nice, actually.]
Sure. And if there'a a store you wanna go to later, it can still be your turn to pick.
[But they also don't have to. There's probably other things they can do to waste time, or they can keep driving. Maybe he can have their other clothes mailed home so they don't have to deal with these bags.
But he doesn't even want to worry about that much, really. There's a konbini close by, and they can ask there if there's any parks nearby while getting those drinks Dazai wanted. And maybe a few snacks, too, because it would be a waste not to.]
[The park is small and simple, but it does what parks do best: provide some nice surroundings that feel a lot quieter than a shopping district, even though they attract so many people that the difference is probably minimal at best. It's nice and green though, and the air feels fresh. That's definitely worth something.
Their breakfast had been nice and all, but Dazai thinks he still prefers the simplicity of this: some coffee (Dazai's probably for the road); some nice and refreshing chuuhai; some snacks of Chuuya's choosing that Dazai may or may not indulge in. He'll unfortunately have to stay seated while he drinks, but oh boy is he ever gonna (pretend to) nap after that.]
[Chuuya probably shouldn't drink if he'll be driving, but... that's never actually stopped him before. And it's not like he'll be drinking a lot, so it's fine.]
Kanpai!
[He grins, pops the can open, takes a sip. It's a little nostalgic, too. He hasn't done this sort of thing since... Well, since Dazai left.
And that's weird to think about. This used to be exactly the type of thing he'd do. Drink in places you're not supposed to, because why would he care about rules, or what people think. He used to be the kind of person people wouldn't want in their bars anyway. People would assume he was trouble, and try to kick him out before he even got started... Not so much anymore.
I thought you would like a drink named after yourself.
[Absolutely not what it was named after. But hey, does that mean that Chuuya gets to be high? In Dazai's mind?? It's almost a compliment!]
It's nice and refreshing. Perfect for days like this.
[Also low in alcohol, which does help with the driving, if and when it happens. Anyway, clearly Dazai is the only one really at risk if they crash? So he gets to take these chances.
After a nice, long drink, he leans back against the bench they're sitting on, just taking in the weather. It really is pretty nice, just sitting like this - not that Dazai's ever let the likes of work get in his way.]
[No, if they crash, Chuuya will protect Dazai with his own body if he has to. But that's a risk he's willing to take.]
Does that mean you think about me every time you drink this?
[Just following Dazai's logic here... Even though obviously, if he's gonna get a drink named after him, it's gotta be something more expensive. A rare wine would be best, but he wouldn't object to a mixed drink if it's good enough.]
It was one of my favorites, forever ago.
[Before he learned to appreciate wine and stronger drinks. He leans back too, surprisingly relaxed for him, shoulder bumping into Dazai's arm. He doesn't pull away. If he survived the humiliation of stroking his hands across Dazai's chest while shopping earlier, then touching like this should be fine. It just looks like they're sitting close together to leave room at the other edge of the bench, in case someone else needs it.]
[Don't be dumb and get yourself killed, Chuuya. (Okay, Chuuya not being dumb is only marginally more likely than Chuuya not being hot - but still! There are a lot of things Chuuya shouldn't be doing, clearly.)]
You say that like I drink it all the time.
[Which is neither confirmation nor denial, really. And maybe it's a bit of a letdown, after what Chuuya had built up a theoretical confirmation to be, but it's honest. From Dazai, that means something.
For what it's worth: he doesn't sound happy about supposedly not drinking chuuhai and thinking about Chuuya that often. It's not like he needs chuuhai for the latter, but regardless -...
Well, maybe part of him does miss what they used to have, even though there are a billion reasons why he'd never go back to those times. Not even to the two of them in those times.]
It's definitely not the drink I'd want anyone associating with me anyway.
[A slight deflection. He does know the significance of Dazai being honest. At the same time, knowing how much Dazai hates these types of serious conversations, it makes him feel a little awkward, too. He shouldn't have to go that far for Chuuya.
He drinks a bit more, buying himself a few seconds to think. Plus, he's liking it more now that he's gotten used to the flavor again. When he tips his head back, the sun is in his eyes.]
I guess even you outgrew those kinds of childish things.
[Maybe not high praise, because -... Listen, he doesn't say it, but he can think it. Because this is a relatively serious conversation somehow - how does something so simple and basic manage to be serious for them?! - and Dazai just isn't fond of those, even though he can't exactly expect Chuuya to be open and honest if Dazai doesn't do the same... to the best of his ability.
Well, at least sitting here doing some lowkey drinking as they almost-not-quite lean against each other is pretty nice. It feels like a long time since they just quietly existed together. In retrospect, Dazai is not sure if they ever really did - though arguably that says more about his definition of "just existing" than anything.]
It's not always a matter of outgrowing things. Sometimes you just want a change.
[Just existing is complicated when there was always so much pressure on them. They were set up to be rivals as much as partners, and everyone always had opinions on what their relationship was or should be. Did they ever really try to just figure that out for themselves? Chuuya still wouldn't even know where to start. And he, at least, still isn't remotely free of that pressure.
But they're not in Yokohama right now.]
Suits you better.
[He's said it before. Still means it. It does hurt a bit to say.
Even if it's 100% about drinks.]
Better to figure out a drink you actually enjoy, than to just stick to the same old thing out of habit. Even if your taste is still questionable.
[Dazai, on the other hand, never really experienced much pressure regarding what they are or aren't - not from others, at least. Who cares what other people think? There was the pressure from Mori to work together, of course, but even that wasn't too bad for Dazai, even if it was unwelcome at the time (because Mori wanting something tends to end badly for everyone involved). Most pressure came entirely from within Dazai himself, to make sense of this one dumb toy that refused to break, this one not!person so similar to himself and yet the complete opposite.
It wouldn't have made him happy if he'd been able to waltz over Chuuya like he was able to waltz over most everyone else. In retrospect, he can admit that to himself. But what that means is something he doesn't want to spend too much time analyzing, even now. All the thinking and planning in the world won't change the few things in life that may just actually matter. Dazai knows that better than most.
Dazai thought he was being pretty subtle with his drink analogy, but Chuuya being so absolutely obvious about it makes him smile, leaning against Chuuya outright now, because he can, and why wouldn't he?]
[Something about that smile really gets to him. The way Dazai leans into him doesn't help, either. It's ridiculous the effect Dazai has on his pulse just by doing something so simple. At least there's no way for the seemingly all-knowing bastard to tell, he thinks, even if he's not actually sure it would be bad if he could.
He returns the smile, and that weight by leaning more against Dazai as well. He decidedly doesn't check if anyone else in the park has noticed. But as much as it hurts to talk about Dazai leaving, knowing he'll always belong somewhere different to Chuuya, the confirmation - or lack of correction - that he's better off... It's reassuring to be reminded that even if he did leave, it wasn't because he wanted to leave Chuuya.]
Guess you could say the same about me.
[No, Chuuya wouldn't have wanted Dazai to stay for him. Whatever they have doesn't belong to the Port Mafia anyway, and especially not to Mori. Which is also why it's causing some problems, but there's no getting around that.]
I already made up my own mind about what drinks I enjoy.
[To bring back an ancient and accurate saying: very subtle, much wow.
Really, they have no business being so comfortable like this. Maybe it's the lack of sleep leading to some hard-earned semi-relaxation out here in the pleasantly fresh air. Or maybe, God forbid, they could always be like this, if only they let themselves. ... Nah, definitely easier to blame it on the surroundings and be done with it.]
Chuuya is so bad about handling his drinks, though... [Dazai laments loudly, but for once it's not with the aim of mocking Chuuya.] Try not to overdo it too often?
[Clearly it is accurate in the literal sense as well, so any highly subtle references to anything outside of drinks are purely in Chuuya's imagination.
Dazai honestly doesn't think Chuuya should leave the mafia. The mafia needs strong players too, and Chuuya has always seemed pretty happy there, for better or worse. As long as that doesn't change, Chuuya should definitely stay. Buuuuut Dazai knows that Mori may sacrifice anyone if he has a reason to, and that is always a concern. Even if it's unlikely that Mori would discard someone as useful and loyal as Chuuya... a 0.1% chance is still a chance, isn't it?]
[This definitely wasn't possible in the past. Any explanation would make more sense than that. It really felt impossible back then, even if maybe, just maybe, he'd sort of wanted it. But their partnership has always felt so fragile.
Even though nothing has made a dent in it yet. At least not one that hasn't also healed.]
I can handle more than you give me credit for, you know. Never needed you to finish my drinks, I know my own limits.
[Except he knows Dazai will argue that point, whether they're talking about actually drinking or anything else. But he can just keep talking to cut him off.]
That makes even less sense if you don't even like my drinks.
[And Chuuya does like the mafia. He loves his subordinates. It's just complicated.]
[In some twisted way, their partnership (or what passes for it these days) has really become more solid since Dazai left the mafia. Part of it can be blamed on Mori and how the man took advantage of their childish rivalry, no doubt; another part is probably just because they grew up a little. Dazai isn't sure how he feels about that last part, actually - especially the part where it's pushed them apart as much as it has improved(?) their relationship(??) - but it is what it is.]
I like cleaning up your vomit if you overdo it even less.
[Not that Dazai would really do cleaning of any kind, and vomit is hardly the bodily fluid he's talking about, but yanno. This is a conversation they're having, and it's definitely about drinks, so..!]
There's handling and there's handling.
[Just because you can ingest a lot doesn't mean you won't puke. Just because you can survive a lot doesn't mean you won't get hurt.
So no, Chuuya definitely doesn't know his limits. But Dazai is being nice(???) and not saying that in so many words.]
[Dazai might be nice(???) about it, but Chuuya doesn't like being called out either way. He knows it's true, unfortunately, but he also doesn't like the implication that other people might get saddled with his mess. Being the one to support other people has been a part of his identity for too long. He fights for them, works for them, carries the burdens they need him to, because he's meant to be strong enough to handle it all.
But maybe not handle it, no.
And it has been better since the Sheep. He has a few people who support him, too, whether or not he wants them to. And Dazai has always been one of them, in his own way, even when things where complicated between them, even when Mori was taking advantage of their rivalry, reminding Chuuya that if he didn't work hard, Dazai would be given the power to destroy those things that mattered most to Chuuya personally.
Dazai never would have destroyed those things, though.]
Fine.
[Dazai's right, again. But maybe that's not a bad thing this time. It feels good to have a partner he can rely on.]
[Dazai, who'd been chilling and enjoying the scenery until that point, looks over at Chuuya in something that might be actual surprise or simple questioning, it's hard to be sure.]
Oh?
[Maybe he's hoping that Chuuya will finally spill some details about the motivation behind this would-be kidnapping. Maybe he's just asking for an explanation for how the fuck Dazai is involved, when Dazai, for all his plotting, is pretty sure he can't be held responsible for this little shindig.]
[If that's surprise on Dazai's face, he should write down the date somewhere. That's always a notable event.]
Or caught up in it, at least.
[But he can always blame Dazai anyway, even if he's in no way responsible. Shouldn't the default always be to blame Dazai?
And that's all the clarification he gives for a few moments. It's easier when Dazai isn't looking at him, because he knows just how well Dazai can read him, and at least when Dazai's face was turned away Chuuya could pretend he had no way of knowing what expressions are on his face. But the delay is also because he's taking this seriously, which means he can't rush his answers. His first attempt from earlier hadn't made much sense. He takes a few more seconds to decide where to start.]
There was no way to hide how much time I'm spending with a traitor.
[He waves a hand dismissively at the last word, to make it clear Chuuya doesn't think of Dazai as a traitor. But the Port Mafia is a giant organization, and there's enough people who do still consider him that. Who believe he's a dangerous threat.]
But I've decided what I want, and I'm making a point.
[Okay, no, that's really embarrassing to admit. He has to bite back a defensive comment about don't read anything into it bastard, but it's probably too late for that to be convincing. Doesn't mean he can't try if he has to.]
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[He probably shouldn't agree so easily, but he knows he's being a bit of a dick about all of this, when Dazai is actually being considerate.
But that's something he can worry about later. Spending some time wandering the town, shopping, like they're normal people on some sort of normal-people-day-trip, is actually a pretty good way to clear his head. Not to mention improve his mood. Maybe it really has been too long since he took some time off, even just a day.
He's definitely impressed with the outfit Dazai picks out. He won't even pretend otherwise for once, just selects a few accessories and accent pieces to complete the look, but holds them out for Dazai to approve before making any decisions, since the vision is ultimately his.
The outfit he picks out for Dazai is more of an issue. Not because it's hard to choose something, but because usually he spends so much time trying to hide just how attracted he is to Dazai, but he can't consider these clothes on him without also admiring him in the process. He looks too damn good. Chuuya selects something to complement the outfit Dazai chose for him - not quite matching, and not too obvious, but each outfit would highlight the best in the other - and then, when Dazai tries it on, can't stop himself from smoothing it out, hands across Dazai's chest, before reaching up to brush his fingers through his hair to fluff it up for him... just to check every detail of the complete look, of course.
And then steps back too quickly again, a little flustered by his own actions.]
Is it comfortable? I don't want you to be distracted by an itchy seam or something while you wear it.
[Those times he's bought clothes for Dazai before as well, making sure they're comfortable to wear has been as important as everything else he considers.]
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He may complain a bit about the clothes Chuuya picks out for him, but it's very minor - arguing about whether it's really the best shade of that color for him, perhaps - and mostly intended to make it seem like he's not going along too easily. He does consider whether he should ruin the look somehow, just because he can... but Chuuya embarrassing himself puts him in a good mood, and so he doesn't.]
So considerate~! [He beams an angelic smile at Chuuya - which is more because he enjoys how flustered Chuuya is than because of Chuuya's kindness, but whatever.] And here I thought you'd welcome the excuse for me to take them off later.
["Ohnoes, these clothes are just so itchy! We should go somewhere I can take them off as soon as possible!!" Seems like a perfectly reasonable plotline for some kind of adult story, doesn't it?
Some store clerks definitely overheard him and are now whispering among themselves and/or freaking out. Oh, well!]
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You'll be taking them off later anyway.
[He, at least, will keep his voice low enough to avoid being overheard. And he says it like it's an insult, even though he really just admitted that he wants Dazai. He ducks his head, and considers hiding in one of the changing rooms, if he can get past Dazai without making it too obvious that's why he's doing it.]
I'm just not gonna waste my money on clothes you don't even wanna wear.
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[Not always often, but that's also a matter of context and what not. Chuuya can get him all the Nice™ clothes, but Dazai doesn't have much of a need for those anymore. He lives a simpler life these days, don't you know?
Dazai wouldn't truly mind getting it on right here in the store, but he also kind of ruined their odds of flying under the radar - and maybe that's even why he did it. While he enjoys sex with Chuuya, they do still need to talk at some point - and if it needs to happen during post-sex relaxation, he'd rather be somewhere more private for that.]
Well then, should we get these to go?
[That is absolutely what you do with clothes. You just pay and wear them right out of the store.]
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[Wait. No, don't call him out on the fact that he's always buying Dazai clothes, that definitely makes it seem like they're together. And it sounds too nice. He'd obviously never do anything that nice.
So he won't object to paying and leaving, and getting away from these people and the looks they're now giving the two of them. Chuuya gets the clothes they came in packed into bags, and grabs them to carry since he already knows Dazai won't help. And he's realizing now, holding those bags, that there's no way they'll be able to keep driving later, or at least not on his motorcycle. He should have known that from the start, really.]
You did that on purpose.
[He waits until they're out of the store to make that accusation. It's... not the worst kind of embarrassment, though, since Dazai really is here, spending time with him. But. Still.]
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Did I?
[Yeah, he really did, which is why he's not even denying it, really. But it wasn't malicious or anything, so clearly he doesn't need to even pretend to feel bad about it.]
Chuuya just seemed to be getting a little too eager. It wouldn't do to ruin your reputation here immediately after you've arrived, would it?
[Not that it really matters when they're not exactly planning to live here, but...]
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I wasn't eager.
[Wanting to touch Dazai doesn't make him --
Okay, but he hadn't actually wanted to touch him in a sexual way, in that moment. He'd just wanted to fix his shirt and enjoy how normal this all feels and take advantage of the fact that he's allowed to step into into Dazai's personal space like that and --
... That's worse than if he'd just been horny.]
What kind of shop should we go to next?
[Time to change the subject.]
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... Actually, carrying the bags is adequate compensation too, so he'll let it slide.]
Hmm, let's see...
[There's a wine store, but he's skipping that one just on principle. Then there's a book store, but he also knows what he'll end up reading yet another copy of if he goes there, so he'll pass...
This is kind of bad. He did want to offer Chuuya a distraction, but the idea of much more shopping is already kind of tiresome.]
How about we just grab a drink from the konbini and find somewhere to sit?
[Why that seems less boring than shopping is anyone's guess, but there ya go. Anyway, he can be convinced to shop more if Chuuya really wants.
He just also wants to have a drink - coffee or alcohol, either works! - and maybe nap for a bit while lying on a park bench with his head in Chuuya's lap. They were up all night, so! That's clearly a logical and reasonable plan!]
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Relaxing sounds nice, actually.]
Sure. And if there'a a store you wanna go to later, it can still be your turn to pick.
[But they also don't have to. There's probably other things they can do to waste time, or they can keep driving. Maybe he can have their other clothes mailed home so they don't have to deal with these bags.
But he doesn't even want to worry about that much, really. There's a konbini close by, and they can ask there if there's any parks nearby while getting those drinks Dazai wanted. And maybe a few snacks, too, because it would be a waste not to.]
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Their breakfast had been nice and all, but Dazai thinks he still prefers the simplicity of this: some coffee (Dazai's probably for the road); some nice and refreshing chuuhai; some snacks of Chuuya's choosing that Dazai may or may not indulge in. He'll unfortunately have to stay seated while he drinks, but oh boy is he ever gonna (pretend to) nap after that.]
Kanpai~
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Kanpai!
[He grins, pops the can open, takes a sip. It's a little nostalgic, too. He hasn't done this sort of thing since... Well, since Dazai left.
And that's weird to think about. This used to be exactly the type of thing he'd do. Drink in places you're not supposed to, because why would he care about rules, or what people think. He used to be the kind of person people wouldn't want in their bars anyway. People would assume he was trouble, and try to kick him out before he even got started... Not so much anymore.
Has he changed that much?]
I forgot how terrible chuuhai is.
[He likes it.]
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[Absolutely not what it was named after. But hey, does that mean that Chuuya gets to be high? In Dazai's mind?? It's almost a compliment!]
It's nice and refreshing. Perfect for days like this.
[Also low in alcohol, which does help with the driving, if and when it happens. Anyway, clearly Dazai is the only one really at risk if they crash? So he gets to take these chances.
After a nice, long drink, he leans back against the bench they're sitting on, just taking in the weather. It really is pretty nice, just sitting like this - not that Dazai's ever let the likes of work get in his way.]
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Does that mean you think about me every time you drink this?
[Just following Dazai's logic here... Even though obviously, if he's gonna get a drink named after him, it's gotta be something more expensive. A rare wine would be best, but he wouldn't object to a mixed drink if it's good enough.]
It was one of my favorites, forever ago.
[Before he learned to appreciate wine and stronger drinks. He leans back too, surprisingly relaxed for him, shoulder bumping into Dazai's arm. He doesn't pull away. If he survived the humiliation of stroking his hands across Dazai's chest while shopping earlier, then touching like this should be fine. It just looks like they're sitting close together to leave room at the other edge of the bench, in case someone else needs it.]
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You say that like I drink it all the time.
[Which is neither confirmation nor denial, really. And maybe it's a bit of a letdown, after what Chuuya had built up a theoretical confirmation to be, but it's honest. From Dazai, that means something.
For what it's worth: he doesn't sound happy about supposedly not drinking chuuhai and thinking about Chuuya that often. It's not like he needs chuuhai for the latter, but regardless -...
Well, maybe part of him does miss what they used to have, even though there are a billion reasons why he'd never go back to those times. Not even to the two of them in those times.]
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[A slight deflection. He does know the significance of Dazai being honest. At the same time, knowing how much Dazai hates these types of serious conversations, it makes him feel a little awkward, too. He shouldn't have to go that far for Chuuya.
He drinks a bit more, buying himself a few seconds to think. Plus, he's liking it more now that he's gotten used to the flavor again. When he tips his head back, the sun is in his eyes.]
I guess even you outgrew those kinds of childish things.
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[Maybe not high praise, because -... Listen, he doesn't say it, but he can think it. Because this is a relatively serious conversation somehow - how does something so simple and basic manage to be serious for them?! - and Dazai just isn't fond of those, even though he can't exactly expect Chuuya to be open and honest if Dazai doesn't do the same... to the best of his ability.
Well, at least sitting here doing some lowkey drinking as they almost-not-quite lean against each other is pretty nice. It feels like a long time since they just quietly existed together. In retrospect, Dazai is not sure if they ever really did - though arguably that says more about his definition of "just existing" than anything.]
It's not always a matter of outgrowing things. Sometimes you just want a change.
[Definitely 100% talking about drinks.]
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But they're not in Yokohama right now.]
Suits you better.
[He's said it before. Still means it. It does hurt a bit to say.
Even if it's 100% about drinks.]
Better to figure out a drink you actually enjoy, than to just stick to the same old thing out of habit. Even if your taste is still questionable.
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It wouldn't have made him happy if he'd been able to waltz over Chuuya like he was able to waltz over most everyone else. In retrospect, he can admit that to himself. But what that means is something he doesn't want to spend too much time analyzing, even now. All the thinking and planning in the world won't change the few things in life that may just actually matter. Dazai knows that better than most.
Dazai thought he was being pretty subtle with his drink analogy, but Chuuya being so absolutely obvious about it makes him smile, leaning against Chuuya outright now, because he can, and why wouldn't he?]
It always has been! Why would that change now?
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He returns the smile, and that weight by leaning more against Dazai as well. He decidedly doesn't check if anyone else in the park has noticed. But as much as it hurts to talk about Dazai leaving, knowing he'll always belong somewhere different to Chuuya, the confirmation - or lack of correction - that he's better off... It's reassuring to be reminded that even if he did leave, it wasn't because he wanted to leave Chuuya.]
Guess you could say the same about me.
[No, Chuuya wouldn't have wanted Dazai to stay for him. Whatever they have doesn't belong to the Port Mafia anyway, and especially not to Mori. Which is also why it's causing some problems, but there's no getting around that.]
I already made up my own mind about what drinks I enjoy.
[So subtle.]
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Really, they have no business being so comfortable like this. Maybe it's the lack of sleep leading to some hard-earned semi-relaxation out here in the pleasantly fresh air. Or maybe, God forbid, they could always be like this, if only they let themselves.
... Nah, definitely easier to blame it on the surroundings and be done with it.]
Chuuya is so bad about handling his drinks, though... [Dazai laments loudly, but for once it's not with the aim of mocking Chuuya.] Try not to overdo it too often?
[Clearly it is accurate in the literal sense as well, so any highly subtle references to anything outside of drinks are purely in Chuuya's imagination.
Dazai honestly doesn't think Chuuya should leave the mafia. The mafia needs strong players too, and Chuuya has always seemed pretty happy there, for better or worse. As long as that doesn't change, Chuuya should definitely stay. Buuuuut Dazai knows that Mori may sacrifice anyone if he has a reason to, and that is always a concern. Even if it's unlikely that Mori would discard someone as useful and loyal as Chuuya... a 0.1% chance is still a chance, isn't it?]
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Even though nothing has made a dent in it yet. At least not one that hasn't also healed.]
I can handle more than you give me credit for, you know. Never needed you to finish my drinks, I know my own limits.
[Except he knows Dazai will argue that point, whether they're talking about actually drinking or anything else. But he can just keep talking to cut him off.]
That makes even less sense if you don't even like my drinks.
[And Chuuya does like the mafia. He loves his subordinates. It's just complicated.]
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I like cleaning up your vomit if you overdo it even less.
[Not that Dazai would really do cleaning of any kind, and vomit is hardly the bodily fluid he's talking about, but yanno. This is a conversation they're having, and it's definitely about drinks, so..!]
There's handling and there's handling.
[Just because you can ingest a lot doesn't mean you won't puke. Just because you can survive a lot doesn't mean you won't get hurt.
So no, Chuuya definitely doesn't know his limits. But Dazai is being nice(???) and not saying that in so many words.]
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But maybe not handle it, no.
And it has been better since the Sheep. He has a few people who support him, too, whether or not he wants them to. And Dazai has always been one of them, in his own way, even when things where complicated between them, even when Mori was taking advantage of their rivalry, reminding Chuuya that if he didn't work hard, Dazai would be given the power to destroy those things that mattered most to Chuuya personally.
Dazai never would have destroyed those things, though.]
Fine.
[Dazai's right, again. But maybe that's not a bad thing this time. It feels good to have a partner he can rely on.]
It already involves you anyway.
[Dropping the drinks analogy now.]
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Oh?
[Maybe he's hoping that Chuuya will finally spill some details about the motivation behind this would-be kidnapping. Maybe he's just asking for an explanation for how the fuck Dazai is involved, when Dazai, for all his plotting, is pretty sure he can't be held responsible for this little shindig.]
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Or caught up in it, at least.
[But he can always blame Dazai anyway, even if he's in no way responsible. Shouldn't the default always be to blame Dazai?
And that's all the clarification he gives for a few moments. It's easier when Dazai isn't looking at him, because he knows just how well Dazai can read him, and at least when Dazai's face was turned away Chuuya could pretend he had no way of knowing what expressions are on his face. But the delay is also because he's taking this seriously, which means he can't rush his answers. His first attempt from earlier hadn't made much sense. He takes a few more seconds to decide where to start.]
There was no way to hide how much time I'm spending with a traitor.
[He waves a hand dismissively at the last word, to make it clear Chuuya doesn't think of Dazai as a traitor. But the Port Mafia is a giant organization, and there's enough people who do still consider him that. Who believe he's a dangerous threat.]
But I've decided what I want, and I'm making a point.
[Okay, no, that's really embarrassing to admit. He has to bite back a defensive comment about don't read anything into it bastard, but it's probably too late for that to be convincing. Doesn't mean he can't try if he has to.]
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