[It's been how many years?! Dazai can look at the silliness of it all with amusement due to a touch of disconnection that really shouldn't apply - but at least it's not a bad thing here. He really does think Chuuya is adorable... and, all right, maybe he's a bit pleased for his own benefit as well. It is flattering to get such a chaotic but lively confession, after all... and maybe a bit more than that besides.
Mori is always a threat, but that hasn't changed from before just because Chuuya being sorta-kinda more open about things like this, probably. There is the little matter of this essentially fucking up the tripartite tactic keeping Yokohama safe, but... times have changed, and that particular plan hasn't been as effective lately as it presumably was right after the war. Dazai can think of a few ways to adapt it to the current situation, but he guesses he'll find out which one Mori thinks is best soon enough.
It'd be nice if it didn't include a bullet through his brain. But he's probably safe, he thinks.]
How long before I get a proposal and we move in together? Twenty years?
[Wait - what is that in dog years?
Okay, he's joking, but he's also not being at all malicious about any of this. It's surprisingly comfortable to adapt to their not-actually-new relationship status, and play around with it a little bit.]
[Chuuya opens his mouth to say something - something defensive again, to counter the way Dazai is teasing him.
But this really isn't going the way he'd expected. He'd wanted to find a way to avoid making this a confession, but he'd also half-prepared, at the back of his mind, a few ways to reassure Dazai. Chuuya isn't expecting anything more from him, he'd never ask for that, he knows things are complicated, he knows that's not who Dazai is, besides they both have their own lives, and Dazai has to stay loyal to his own people first of all. Chuuya knows how the world works. And Chuuya has chosen this life for himself as well. His point to the Port Mafia is just that he's not giving up on what they've been doing anyway - he's not changing the status quo.
Except that kidnapping Dazai really can't be called anything else than destroying that status quo. But the two of them are good at excuses like that, and pretending it's the truth.
Because wanting something is terrifying.
But Dazai doesn't seem to mind at all. He's encouraging it. They've been getting closer for months now - he knows that, really, he's not stupid (shut up) - but saying it out loud makes it terrifyingly real.
His mouth closes as he turns his face away abruptly. But then, after another second, he does speak.]
Tch. Bastard trying to embarrass me.
[He rubs at the back of his neck. And then glances back at Dazai again. Don't make him want too much.]
You're the one always sneaking off in the middle of the night anyway. I never said you couldn't stay.
It can't be helped. Chuuya looks good when he's embarrassed.
[Just gonna interject with that real quick, because clearly that's a solid line of reasoning right there. If it's also as close to a returned confession as Dazai can easily manage, well, that's obviously just a coincidence.
He does feel a bit called out when Chuuya speaks again, though, and not in a good way.]
... That's true. You didn't.
[Dazai had many excellent practical reasons for "sneaking off" - his personal safety on mafia territory first and foremost; perhaps avoiding Mori's revenge on Chuuya, too - but somehow, he doesn't feel like listing them. They were reasons, yes, and good ones too, but he still could have found a way around all of that, if he'd chosen to.
So should he have chosen to? The question weighs on him oddly heavily for a moment, as if this is really all on him. It's not, and he knows it, but it's not like Chuuya could have single-handedly changed their relationship status without Dazai's cooperation, and so it does feel like it's always been up to Dazai to make that choice. And - from his end, at least - it is.
There's not really any point in dwelling on "wasted time" or any of that nonsense now, though, just like it's a bit useless to bring back Dazai's concerns about never being able to have what he wants when this is something he's had for a while already. At this point, why shouldn't they try it?
Maybe it's just a reverse seven-year itch! That seems legit.]
Clearly Chuuya just needs to make me breakfast every time! Then I might be inclined to stay.
[Clearly Dazai doesn't need to put in any effort to make him look better. Embarrassment not needed.
Maybe calling Dazai out was a bit unfair, though. But then, Chuuya shouldn't be the only one freaking out at least a little about all this. And even details like that are important, right? Maybe? He really doesn't know the first thing about relationships.]
If you'll eat burnt eggs, sure.
[Dazai rarely eats breakfast, as far as he knows, so he might as well serve burnt eggs. Or he can just fill a cookie jar for Dazai to steal from.
He pauses briefly.]
I know it's complicated.
[For once, that's just a quiet acknowledgment of the truth. Spending the night is complicated, and Dazai just spending time with Chuuya has already made things complicated. Their lives have never fully been their own. There are too many people watching, evaluating the threat of letting them exist, and of letting them exist together.
He also knows that Dazai just needs his own space at times. And that he rarely sleeps more than a couple of hours at a time, so of course he wouldn't stay in bed, but that's not really what they're talking about here. Of course Dazai can leave if he's restless like that.]
But that was always something to figure out together. [Meaning it wasn't on Dazai to make that decision - and they couldn't have done it before this moment, since they had to acknowledge what was going on between them first.] Even if, yeah, I did kinda force the issue today. [Which he almost sounds embarrassed about now.] But whatever, it's not like I haven't been working to mitigate the fallout. [Even if this kidnapping was very spontaneous.] And you have your failsafes. So we can handle it.
[Not that he's agreeing that Chuuya always looks good, or anything. ... Well, maybe just a little bit. But that's not something worth arguing about, anyway.
Cookies for breakfast is absolutely legit. But what about donuts? That and some coffee is more than enough for Dazai.]
It's not like it's new for Chuuya to force issues all over the place.
[Dazai sighs deeply, but it's not really a negative thing, more of an acceptance of this new status quo - and yes, perhaps he could stand to be more outwardly happy about it, but he's not disregarding the many risks just yet. Besides, he really has no idea how to do this relationship thing, no more than Chuuya does. It makes things oddly awkward, for someone used to knowing basically everything (in his own mind, at least).]
So? What else do you think we need to figure out together?
[That kind of feels like a dirty word here, he can't help it. He's trying to make concessions here, and he is absolutely willing to do so, but that doesn't mean he has to be happy about the idea of doing so!!]
You're the one who just accused me of taking things slow.
[Twenty years, wasn't that Dazai's estimate?
But this is getting complicated again. Maybe Chuuya was getting ahead of himself - which, yeah, maybe he does need to get better about that. He rubs at his eyes for a second, wondering if he should blame the lack of sleep, but he'll focus harder on trying to read Dazai's expression, guess what he's thinking.]
We don't need to do anything, Dazai.
[Because the way Dazai says together feels like a dig. That's his own weakness, though.]
I can handle my own mess. I was always gonna keep the fallout away from you and the ADA, anyway.
[It's rare for him to use the agency's actual name.]
[Some days, it's very hard not to sigh loudly at Chuuya, and this is one of those days. Dazai manages, though, thanks to years of practice.]
That's not very nice.
[Sure, Chuuya can probably handle his own messes, and Dazai can certainly manage his - but then what would change between them?]
If I'm supposed to stop sneaking away in the middle of the night, shouldn't you stop doing the same in broad daylight?
[Just saying. If they're supposed to be getting into a serious definitely-not-relationship, this seems like the absolute basics. Nothing between them can be entirely one-sided anymore.
[He really hates when Dazai is right. He especially hates it when Dazai is right about things like this. Besides, he'd been offering an out in case Dazai had changed his mind and wanted to escape, if it wasn't what he wanted after all, with all the complications this brings, and --
No, he can't even lie to himself. Chuuya had been trying to sneak off... or straight up run, more like.]
Fine, you're right. Which I'm never saying again, by the way.
[It's Chuuya's turn to be unhappy about having to make concessions. Even though he does want this. Or, more accurately: He's exhausted from pretending it wasn't already a thing. Admitting it feels almost like letting himself breathe again.]
We did always work well together.
[Even though they both have a habit of attacking every problem as though they have to solve it on their own. But their partnership worked because they both know when to meddle.]
It's fine even if you never say it again. [A surprisingly graceful reaction from Dazai to what is, admittedly, a statement that he's been waiting for for a long time.] ... I recorded it to use as my ringtone.
[No he didn't, he didn't, just kidding. Or did he!? No, he didn't. Somehow, Chuuya admitting he was right doesn't even feel especially satisfying - but then, life is like that, always withholding the final payout. Dazai supposes he can live with that.
Either way, the mood needed lightening, and with this bad joke, he considers that done. They can continue with the serious talks some other time; Chuuya does need a break, and continuing to focus on something stressful isn't going to help, even if it's not a negative thing. Dazai will take this opportunity to finish his drink, because honestly, why waste the few good things in life?]
[Chuuya wouldn't even doubt that Dazai managed to time it by recording the exact moment Chuuya said those words. He's pulled it off in the past. He turns on the bench and starts to lift his weight, reaching across Dazai like he wants to fight him over his phone and delete it.
But they're both still holding chuuhais, and they'd definitely end up spilling those all over their new clothes. Besides, even if it would just be a pretend squabble, nothing new for the two of them, nothing serious, he's not in the mood for even a fake fight, somehow.]
Tch. [Normally it would be an annoyed sound, but this time there's laughter hidden behind it.] Bastard.
[But even that insult sounds a little too fond. He knows what Dazai did. The mood did need lightening. And maybe he can play along with that, since it does feel more right for the two of them. Which is why he shoves his own chuuhai into Dazai's other hand (he drank about half), and then, as he drops his weight back down, he keeps sliding, until he's the one lying on the bench with his head in Dazai's lap.
[Dazai blinks at the sudden gift of chuuhai, but when Chuuya goes Chuu-low, he just rolls with it. Why not, really? Chuuya does need a nap, and Dazai won't sleep, so he can keep half an eye on things while he sits, taking in the air and drinking his drink.
A moment later, his free hand comes to rest on Chuuya's head, enjoying the softness of his hair - and, okay, maybe a bit more than that. Chuuya may be the one napping, but Dazai feels equally at peace, and what a strange sensation that truly is.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Now you're speeding up the process!
[It's been how many years?! Dazai can look at the silliness of it all with amusement due to a touch of disconnection that really shouldn't apply - but at least it's not a bad thing here. He really does think Chuuya is adorable... and, all right, maybe he's a bit pleased for his own benefit as well. It is flattering to get such a chaotic but lively confession, after all... and maybe a bit more than that besides.
Mori is always a threat, but that hasn't changed from before just because Chuuya being sorta-kinda more open about things like this, probably. There is the little matter of this essentially fucking up the tripartite tactic keeping Yokohama safe, but... times have changed, and that particular plan hasn't been as effective lately as it presumably was right after the war. Dazai can think of a few ways to adapt it to the current situation, but he guesses he'll find out which one Mori thinks is best soon enough.
It'd be nice if it didn't include a bullet through his brain. But he's probably safe, he thinks.]
How long before I get a proposal and we move in together? Twenty years?
[Wait - what is that in dog years?
Okay, he's joking, but he's also not being at all malicious about any of this. It's surprisingly comfortable to adapt to their not-actually-new relationship status, and play around with it a little bit.]
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But this really isn't going the way he'd expected. He'd wanted to find a way to avoid making this a confession, but he'd also half-prepared, at the back of his mind, a few ways to reassure Dazai. Chuuya isn't expecting anything more from him, he'd never ask for that, he knows things are complicated, he knows that's not who Dazai is, besides they both have their own lives, and Dazai has to stay loyal to his own people first of all. Chuuya knows how the world works. And Chuuya has chosen this life for himself as well. His point to the Port Mafia is just that he's not giving up on what they've been doing anyway - he's not changing the status quo.
Except that kidnapping Dazai really can't be called anything else than destroying that status quo. But the two of them are good at excuses like that, and pretending it's the truth.
Because wanting something is terrifying.
But Dazai doesn't seem to mind at all. He's encouraging it. They've been getting closer for months now - he knows that, really, he's not stupid (shut up) - but saying it out loud makes it terrifyingly real.
His mouth closes as he turns his face away abruptly. But then, after another second, he does speak.]
Tch. Bastard trying to embarrass me.
[He rubs at the back of his neck. And then glances back at Dazai again. Don't make him want too much.]
You're the one always sneaking off in the middle of the night anyway. I never said you couldn't stay.
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[Just gonna interject with that real quick, because clearly that's a solid line of reasoning right there. If it's also as close to a returned confession as Dazai can easily manage, well, that's obviously just a coincidence.
He does feel a bit called out when Chuuya speaks again, though, and not in a good way.]
... That's true. You didn't.
[Dazai had many excellent practical reasons for "sneaking off" - his personal safety on mafia territory first and foremost; perhaps avoiding Mori's revenge on Chuuya, too - but somehow, he doesn't feel like listing them. They were reasons, yes, and good ones too, but he still could have found a way around all of that, if he'd chosen to.
So should he have chosen to? The question weighs on him oddly heavily for a moment, as if this is really all on him. It's not, and he knows it, but it's not like Chuuya could have single-handedly changed their relationship status without Dazai's cooperation, and so it does feel like it's always been up to Dazai to make that choice. And - from his end, at least - it is.
There's not really any point in dwelling on "wasted time" or any of that nonsense now, though, just like it's a bit useless to bring back Dazai's concerns about never being able to have what he wants when this is something he's had for a while already. At this point, why shouldn't they try it?
Maybe it's just a reverse seven-year itch! That seems legit.]
Clearly Chuuya just needs to make me breakfast every time! Then I might be inclined to stay.
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[Clearly Dazai doesn't need to put in any effort to make him look better. Embarrassment not needed.
Maybe calling Dazai out was a bit unfair, though. But then, Chuuya shouldn't be the only one freaking out at least a little about all this. And even details like that are important, right? Maybe? He really doesn't know the first thing about relationships.]
If you'll eat burnt eggs, sure.
[Dazai rarely eats breakfast, as far as he knows, so he might as well serve burnt eggs. Or he can just fill a cookie jar for Dazai to steal from.
He pauses briefly.]
I know it's complicated.
[For once, that's just a quiet acknowledgment of the truth. Spending the night is complicated, and Dazai just spending time with Chuuya has already made things complicated. Their lives have never fully been their own. There are too many people watching, evaluating the threat of letting them exist, and of letting them exist together.
He also knows that Dazai just needs his own space at times. And that he rarely sleeps more than a couple of hours at a time, so of course he wouldn't stay in bed, but that's not really what they're talking about here. Of course Dazai can leave if he's restless like that.]
But that was always something to figure out together. [Meaning it wasn't on Dazai to make that decision - and they couldn't have done it before this moment, since they had to acknowledge what was going on between them first.] Even if, yeah, I did kinda force the issue today. [Which he almost sounds embarrassed about now.] But whatever, it's not like I haven't been working to mitigate the fallout. [Even if this kidnapping was very spontaneous.] And you have your failsafes. So we can handle it.
[Sure, maybe he's rambling a bit, but shut up.]
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[Not that he's agreeing that Chuuya always looks good, or anything. ... Well, maybe just a little bit. But that's not something worth arguing about, anyway.
Cookies for breakfast is absolutely legit.
But what about donuts?That and some coffee is more than enough for Dazai.]It's not like it's new for Chuuya to force issues all over the place.
[Dazai sighs deeply, but it's not really a negative thing, more of an acceptance of this new status quo - and yes, perhaps he could stand to be more outwardly happy about it, but he's not disregarding the many risks just yet. Besides, he really has no idea how to do this relationship thing, no more than Chuuya does. It makes things oddly awkward, for someone used to knowing basically everything (in his own mind, at least).]
So? What else do you think we need to figure out together?
[That kind of feels like a dirty word here, he can't help it. He's trying to make concessions here, and he is absolutely willing to do so, but that doesn't mean he has to be happy about the idea of doing so!!]
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[Twenty years, wasn't that Dazai's estimate?
But this is getting complicated again. Maybe Chuuya was getting ahead of himself - which, yeah, maybe he does need to get better about that. He rubs at his eyes for a second, wondering if he should blame the lack of sleep, but he'll focus harder on trying to read Dazai's expression, guess what he's thinking.]
We don't need to do anything, Dazai.
[Because the way Dazai says together feels like a dig. That's his own weakness, though.]
I can handle my own mess. I was always gonna keep the fallout away from you and the ADA, anyway.
[It's rare for him to use the agency's actual name.]
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That's not very nice.
[Sure, Chuuya can probably handle his own messes, and Dazai can certainly manage his - but then what would change between them?]
If I'm supposed to stop sneaking away in the middle of the night, shouldn't you stop doing the same in broad daylight?
[Just saying. If they're supposed to be getting into a serious definitely-not-relationship, this seems like the absolute basics. Nothing between them can be entirely one-sided anymore.
... Except maybe the sex, but...]
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No, he can't even lie to himself. Chuuya had been trying to sneak off... or straight up run, more like.]
Fine, you're right. Which I'm never saying again, by the way.
[It's Chuuya's turn to be unhappy about having to make concessions. Even though he does want this. Or, more accurately: He's exhausted from pretending it wasn't already a thing. Admitting it feels almost like letting himself breathe again.]
We did always work well together.
[Even though they both have a habit of attacking every problem as though they have to solve it on their own. But their partnership worked because they both know when to meddle.]
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[No he didn't, he didn't, just kidding.
Or did he!?
No, he didn't. Somehow, Chuuya admitting he was right doesn't even feel especially satisfying - but then, life is like that, always withholding the final payout. Dazai supposes he can live with that.
Either way, the mood needed lightening, and with this bad joke, he considers that done. They can continue with the serious talks some other time; Chuuya does need a break, and continuing to focus on something stressful isn't going to help, even if it's not a negative thing. Dazai will take this opportunity to finish his drink, because honestly, why waste the few good things in life?]
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[Chuuya wouldn't even doubt that Dazai managed to time it by recording the exact moment Chuuya said those words. He's pulled it off in the past. He turns on the bench and starts to lift his weight, reaching across Dazai like he wants to fight him over his phone and delete it.
But they're both still holding chuuhais, and they'd definitely end up spilling those all over their new clothes. Besides, even if it would just be a pretend squabble, nothing new for the two of them, nothing serious, he's not in the mood for even a fake fight, somehow.]
Tch. [Normally it would be an annoyed sound, but this time there's laughter hidden behind it.] Bastard.
[But even that insult sounds a little too fond. He knows what Dazai did. The mood did need lightening. And maybe he can play along with that, since it does feel more right for the two of them. Which is why he shoves his own chuuhai into Dazai's other hand (he drank about half), and then, as he drops his weight back down, he keeps sliding, until he's the one lying on the bench with his head in Dazai's lap.
Stealing his opportunity for a nap.]
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A moment later, his free hand comes to rest on Chuuya's head, enjoying the softness of his hair - and, okay, maybe a bit more than that. Chuuya may be the one napping, but Dazai feels equally at peace, and what a strange sensation that truly is.
It's probably the alcohol.
But, he will admit... not just the alcohol.]