indensity | when you're helpless, waiting to collide

[It's difficult to investigate another gang when he can't rely on mafia resources, not to mention has to keep it a secret from his boss. And he hates keeping it secet from his boss. It feels like a betrayal, and there's no way he'd do it if he didn't owe it to Dazai, if there wasn't clearly something important Dazai wants him to know. So he recruits Akutagawa, who he knows will keep his secret - especially after he invokes his obsession with his former mentor - and, other than that, works on his own. It's frustratingly slow. Thankfully, Chuuya knows Yokohama's underworld well.

It's two days before he texts Dazai that he's ready to talk. He's already replenished his whiskey since Dazai stole most of it last time, so he orders some food, and then paces his apartment until Dazai shows up.]

You wanted to see what I'd find?

[He won't be surprised if Dazai already has this same information, but on the other hand, maybe he decided to leave it to Chuuya this time. He seemed to have a point to make, and the least Chuuya can do is listen.]

[Life goes on, the way it tends to, but Dazai's particularly shitty mood takes a long time to fade. He may not have Chuuya's convictions of loyalty, but that only makes him hate Mori more, not less, due to all of this. Mori will find something awkward and gross in his bed, before Dazai allows himself to be used as cheap (free!) labor again.

That Mori may have had his reasons really doesn't matter. That they may even have been good reasons matters even less. Dazai is buttmad.

But he's simmered down somewhat by now, and of course he's in control of himself regardless, showing up at Chuuya's apartment not too long after the message, even though he left it read rather than replying.]

I'm pretty sure it was you who wanted me to know what you'd find, Chuuya.

[That may or may not be true, but regardless: Dazai does indeed have a pretty good idea of some aspects of Chuuya's kidnapping and the underlying reasons for it. He didn't, to be fair, investigate it all that much more, once Chuuya was rescued, and life carried on. But he doesn't think he has to, either.

In part, that is a sign of respect. In part, it's actually arrogance - a total contradiction.]

[Chuuya leads the way over to his dining table. The takeout boxes are already there, as well with a bottle of whiskey, because even if Dazai never replied to his text Chuuya knew he'd come. He'd already agreed last time they spoke, after all.]

Whatever.

[He doesn't feel like arguing over who wanted what from who. What he does feel like doing is pour them both something to drink. He's tired.]

I'll fill you in while I eat.

[He says I as though there's not clearly enough food for both of them. As if he didn't specifically get something he knew Dazai likes. Out of habit, he's compiled what he's found into a folder, which he'll be delivering to Mori at some point, but for now he passes it to Dazai. He doubts Dazai will read it when he can question Chuuya instead.]

You wanted me to figure out why the boss didn't save me himself, right?

[Something about Chuuya offering Dazai a drink is proof that this evening will be terrible in some way or other - but then, Dazai had known that from the start. He grabs his favorite from among the ordered dishes and prepares to start eating. If Chuuya is happy to pretend the food wasn't for Dazai, then Dazai is certainly happy to do the same. The less said about it, the better, really.

But Dazai has barely even started when Chuuya produces that folder, and Dazai just looks at it. Oh, hell no, he is not reading that. He'd be mocking Chuuya for compiling it in the first place, except that there is only one possible reason why Chuuya would have done that, and Dazai hates it.

Not that he even cares about Mori's motivation in all this. The fact that Chuuya is still so damn loyal to the man is just sickening. Dazai loses his appetite immediately.]

No, you wanted that. I couldn't care less.

[Mostly true. But not entirely true.]

[Chuuya tosses the folder aside again, letting it land on an empty chair. He's not surprised Dazai isn't interested, but his reaction isn't his usual one where he'd just complain about it being too much work. He really seems to be in a shitty mood, and Chuuya isn't sure why. He's just gonna start drinking.]

If you're that annoyed at having to work, you didn't have to save me.

[He's pretty sure that isn't it. But annoying Dazai by saying something blatantly wrong is often effective, and he's making Chuuya feel on edge, which makes him want to return the favor. Especially since Dazai keeps lying.]

I kept this secret from the boss for you. So quit the bullshit, Dazai.

Hmm, fair point. Next time I'll just let you die.

[Said with all the casualness of commenting on some not-unpleasant weather. Death arguably isn't what would have befallen Chuuya regardless, for a wide variety of reasons - nor, indeed, is it the worst thing that could have happened - but that's irrelevant. Dazai really is in a shitty mood. He may not be hungry anymore, but what if he just repeatedly stabs his food with his chopsticks or knife? That seems like a good way to channel his shitty mood.

He'll stop and look up at Chuuya soon enough, though.]

Don't you mean "for now"?

[There's no way Chuuya is going to keep that secret forever. So not only can he not take any credit for that, in Dazai's opinion, but there's also the fact that it gives Mori an opportunity to either punish Chuuya, or (more likely) make himself seem ever so magnanimous for not punishing Chuuya.

It's fucked up - and for once, not in a way that Dazai appreciates.]

[That seems a bit unfair, Chuuya thinks. Of course it's "for now" when Mori will inevitably find out anyway. Of course he has to tell his boss, when he has no intention of betraying the mafia. But being willing to keep a secret even temporarily should mean something when there's only one person Chuuya would do that for, when he knows it's going to have consequences, and he decided to risk it.

But he's not surprised that Dazai's dismissing it. That's fine. He can treat this like any other report he'd give, and just stick to the facts instead of trying to talk to Dazai about anything.]

Yeah. For now. [No point in denying it.] From what I can tell, the boss had a few different reasons for letting this happen. There might be something I missed, too.

That gang was paying off someone in the Organization for information, which is how they knew how to capture me. That leak was plugged sometime after I was rescued.

[That's one reason, at least. Chuuya says it like he doesn't even care, though that's definitely not completely true.]

[Dazai snorts, the sound between amused and dismissive.]

"Plugged", indeed.

[He can just about picture how, too. There's some genuine amusement regarding the phrasing regardless. Whether Chuuya realizes how hilarious he is, is doubtful - but isn't it always?]

Well? What reasons have you discovered?

["No doubt not all of them" is the extremely unfair implication, but that allows Dazai some wiggle room in establishing his own superior intelligence.

He'd rather they not talk about it at all, frankly, but. It looks like they're going to have to.]

[He can tell Dazai's gonna be a dick about all of this. Chuuya's plan, for now, is to ignore it, and to just keep going as if he doesn't notice. Because there's no way he's gonna encourage this bastard.]

The group is a lot bigger than just the ones you killed. The boss was using this to gain information on them.

[Because kidnapping a port mafia executive is risky. A lot of elements had to move to pull that off - gathering information, finding out where Chuuya would be likely to be and when, what his weaknesses are, not to mention preparing for an inevitable retaliation. And all of that makes you visible in the Underworld.

Of course, Chuuya could have died. They probably kept him for leverage, but they might not have. It's not worth thinking about when he survived.]

I don't know what the boss is planning next, if he's going to retaliate. But using you let him keep his options open.

[He's just going to keep talking like none of this is affecting him, though he knows Dazai will see through it.]

I'm not even in the mafia anymore. [Yes, that was the point - but Dazai has a more important one:] He could have used anybody.

["That asshole" is not said, but definitely implied. Mori has done several rude things over time, but making Dazai do work is bad enough, and basically forcing him to save Chuuya? Definitely unforgivable. That Mori has his reasons doesn't excuse him even one bit. That Dazai was simply the safest, surest choice in many ways certainly doesn't excuse Mori, because Dazai could have - and should have - said no to the whole thing.

Now look where it got him! His suffering never ends!!]

As long as you're going blabbing to him anyway, be sure to inform him that he can forget about ever using me again, no matter what the price of refusing.

So he was testing if he could still use you.

[Chuuya has no proof for that, but it feels right as he says it. Mori is always testing people, and if there's a way for him to manipulate people into working for him, he'll do it, every time. It's one of the things Chuuya admires about him - usually. Right now it's grating a little on him, too, just like it always does where Dazai is involved.

He wants to ask why Dazai would let himself be used, but... That won't end well. So he'll ask something else instead.]

Why shouldn't I tell him?

[Not "why don't you want me to tell him." But Dazai is still clearly upset about that, even though Chuuya already postponed talking to his boss by several days, which is risky. It could get him into trouble.]

[Mori probably was just testing him, but it was a risky bet - or so Dazai convinces himself - and that only makes Dazai angrier. It's a good thing for Mori that the mafia needs him, and Dazai himself can't be bothered to do that Boss job (even disregarding his promise to Odasaku), or he would have cut Mori open and strangled him with his own intestines.

And then share the pics online, really, because everyone deserves to see such a "freak accident" happen to a man highly deserving of it.

But instead, here Dazai is. He should really eat something after all, and so he has a bite, semi-reluctantly. Maybe he doesn't absolutely hate Chuuya right now - or, at least: he hates Mori a hell of a lot more. It's enough to try dealing with the current situation semi-gracefully. (Well... By comparison, anyway.)]

He deliberately put you into that situation, perfectly aware of everything. You don't need to tell him anything.

[That is the logical answer. Sadly Chuuya's loyalty may render logic null and void, but for that, Dazai has a small but significant counter, too:]

You haven't told him yet, so you're already guilty in that regard.

[No point in walking into Mori's office, practically asking for punishment, when he already knows you're guilty anyway. You never know when the guy actually goes through with punishments.

But, most importantly: Dazai would like it if Chuuya had enough self-awareness to say fuck the Boss for putting him into that situation, and some silence is honestly better than Mori deserves.]

[Chuuya hasn't been eating either, even though he's the one who bought all the food. But this conversation is definitely making him uncomfortable, so he's going to drink whiskey instead, buying himself some time before he has to react to all of that.

Of course Mori put him at risk. But being a member of the Port Mafia means you have to be willing to risk yourself for the Organization, and being an executive doesn't change that. He's always been ready to die if necessary. Dazai knows that. Dazai has come up with more than enough plans which require Chuuya risking his life, usually by using Corruption, so he can't really talk here at all.

Except, of course, that Dazai has always been willing to come up with alternative plans if Chuuya says no.

Which is also why Chuuya won't accuse him of trying to trick Chuuya into betraying Mori. He trusts him. But keeping secrets from his boss? Continuing to hide something from him? Chuuya's loyalty is too strong, and the thought of losing his place in the mafia too painful.]

What good would hiding it from him do?

[This other group needs to be dealt with, one way or another. Chuuya wanted to kill them from the start. Is Dazai saying he should just go ahead and do that? Potentially ruin Mori's plans?]

I know I'm guilty. But the longer I wait, the worse it looks.

Guilty isn't something you can do halfway. You either are or you aren't, and you already are.

[So even in that regard, it's pointless to come clean. Not that Dazai really expects Chuuya to keep any notable secrets from Mori, including this one, but Dazai will say what he thinks anyway. It's not his fault if Chuuya is stupid and doesn't listen to him. It's definitely not his fault if something like this happens again and Chuuya does get seriously hurt, because Dazai has already said he won't do another rescue like this now, and of course he will stick to that.

And when he does, nothing will be Dazai's fault, and Chuuya will only have himself to blame for dying miserably. So clearly Dazai won't have to think anything of it, let alone feel anything.]

Hiding it from him will send a message that he can't consider you disposable like that. It will tell him not to take you for granted.

[In other words: a lie. But an important one, and a convenient one for Dazai.

Well, he's still not really expecting Chuuya to listen. The guy hasn't listened to reason a single day in his existence, and Dazai doesn't expect that to change. And, speaking of things that don't change: whisky, really?!]

... At least eat first. If you're throwing up later, I'm not holding your hair.

[Chuuya sends Dazai an annoyed look at that last comment, but he does put his glass down and reach for his chopsticks. He's only drinking whiskey because it's what he got for Dazai, though he knows he should be drinking something like wine instead. Still, he hates this conversation right now. But he'll eat at least a little.]

And the next time I have to risk the lives of my subordinates?

[Because Chuuya makes that call when he has to. He's made decisions that led to his subordinates dying. He tries to avoid it, but that's not always possible, and he hates it just as much every single time, especially because he's strong enough to handle those fights by himself. The least he can do is be willing to risk himself, too, when it's necessary.

And if Mori made that call, he has to trust that it was necessary, just like his subordinates trust Chuuya.]

You think he should have chosen a different strategy?

[You know what, if Dazai is making him eat, Chuuya is going to steal some food out of Dazai's takeaway box, too.]

[Eating a little is fine; a little is about as much as Dazai has a mood for, too. It's a start, at least, and it will hopefully prevent the aforementioned Chuuya chew-fountain, which Dazai may have only said to be a dick, but it's a legitimate expected outcome all the same.]

What do your subordinates have to do with anything?!

[No, Dazai can just about guess what that is about - but it annoys him all the same, because it's not the same thing. Mori and Chuuya are not the same type of person; Dazai is the same kind of non-person as Mori, so he knows.]

Let me ask you something, Chuuya: would you have put any of your subordinates through such a kidnapping without warning them what they were getting into first?

[Of course Mori had his reasons; Dazai can't even say for sure that Mori's strategy was wrong, which is why he will casually ignore that question. But Mori and Chuuya are not the same; their working relationships with their respective subordinates are not the same; the respect that Chuuya has for other mafiosos is not shared by Mori, beyond when it's practical. Dazai wishes he could get that through Chuuya's thick and empty skull already, because nobody sane would hold on to his loyalty quite so tightly under those conditions, and even Chuuya is (probably) not immortal.

Hey - how dare Chuuya try to eat the food that he bought, himself!? It's rude! Dazai's chopsticks block Chuuya's, then reposition to block again. Is this going to turn into a full-on chopstick battle? MAYBE! And welcome it would be, too, because who wants a serious conversation, anyway?!

Even if they probably should have one. But they can at least have an intermission like this, dammit!!]

[Of course Chuuya would have warned his subordinates. But he also wouldn't have chosen that strategy at all, because his plans are never going to look like Mori's. He doesn't have that same kind of mind - or that same kind of genius - but that's just another reason why Chuuya should trust his plans.]

He knows I would have agreed.

[Which means there wasn't any point in keeping it from him. But it might also why Mori decided it wasn't important to tell him. Or he had a different reason, one that Chuuya isn't able to guess.

But he'll happily drop that topic for now and focus on this chopstick battle. All he wants is a bit of Dazai's beef, even though there is, in fact, a second container with exactly the same thing in it. He tries to dodge Dazai's chopsticks as he goes in for a second strike, and when that fails, decides to change up his strategy a little.

He slides off his chair and bumps into Dazai's side to unbalance him, and then tries to make a grab for his food.]

You should learn how to share, asshole.

[Keeping Chuuya in the dark could have had many reasons, really, so Dazai can't disagree with Mori on it. Maybe it was a matter of keeping Chuuya's reactions as natural as possible; maybe it was an attempt to see if Chuuya might turn into a liability if kidnapped and drugged; maybe it was simply a way to keep all options open, no matter what the outcome of the kidnapping might have been.

Maybe - most likely - Mori just didn't have a reason to tell Chuuya, and so he didn't. It makes sense, but that doesn't mean that Dazai has to like it.

Chuuya succeeds at stealing some beef, finally, because Dazai is indeed unbalanced by the bump (curse Chuuya and his simple but effective methods!), and he halfway expects Chuuya to go for the real prize here: Dazai's booze. Nevermind that Chuuya bought that, too. Nevermind that there is more of that, too! Clearly it's the principle of the thing!!

And clearly Dazai is still expecting too much of Chuuya's plotting, which annoys him. Since Chuuya has "stolen" a piece of Dazai's beef, Dazai will reach over and empty Chuuya's glass of whisky. Because he's an adult, and he can.]

[Chuuya is going to enjoy that victory, chewing with satisfaction as he slides back into his seat, ready to protect his own food. But he's protecting his wrong thing - he should have known Dazai would go for his whiskey instead - and in the end he's too slow to stop him, grabbing at air while Dazai downs the whole thing.]

Hey! You have your own whiskey!

[Yes, there's an entire bottle on the table still. Yes, Chuuya has more bottles than just that one, too, not to mention other types of alcohol, but that's not the point. The point is that Dazai stole something he shouldn't. and Chuuya can't let him win.

Chuuya reaches over to snatch the rest of Dazai's food as well, hopefully pulling the box into his lap so he can eat freely.]

You're the worst guest.

[The point is that there is no point. That is the only point.]

On the contrary, it's you who is the worst host, Chuuya! What host steals his guest's food?!

[Nevermind that Chuuya was the one who provided the food in the first place. That is clearly irrelevant.

Dazai makes a grab for the food, but it's a half-hearted attempt at best. His main goal is subtly attempting to stab the box from below with his chopsticks, to hopefully maybe let the contents leak on Chuuya's clothing and/or hand.

After this distraction, he'll just grab another food box and resume eating like nothing has happened. Which, as far as he is concerned, it indeed hasn't.]

[Chuuya successfully manages to protect his stolen food from further theft. He doesn't notice the hole in the bottom, or the sauce that's slowly starting to leak out, too busy eating a few victory bites.]

I'm a better host than you deserve.

[Which is probably true, but also irrelevant, because Chuuya doesn't actually care. The only point is the argument, which, at the very least, did release some of that annoying tension from earlier. But Chuuya is still going to top up his glass with whiskey, and then move his glass further away from Dazai so he can't steal it again.

He sets the bottle on the table between them, though, so Dazai can have as much as he wants. It's rarely worth the risk to deny him alcohol.]

Next time I'll only buy food you don't like.

[Carefully ignoring most of the facts on the table here, Dazai, too, focuses on the whisky - but not Chuuya's glass, this time. It's easier to pick his fights... and that is why he chooses to emphasize how much of a threat Chuuya isn't posing.]

I'm not that picky regarding food.

[... He kind of is. Not terribly, but he definitely just won't eat something he's not in a mood for. (Or, indeed, anything, if he's not in the mood.) And then there's the dreaded spice, but he thinks Chuuya is blissfully (for Dazai) unaware of that.]

Oh - your box is leaking.

[Such a helpful guest, he is.]

[Chuuya just gives him a look at that.]

Yeah, you are.

[Picky enough, at least, and stubborn enough that if he decided he wanted this particular food, Dazai might have just refused to eat any of the other options. But it seems like that's not what's happening this time, and Chuuya relaxes for a second, goes back to eating.

Until Dazai makes that, and looks down, and then jumps out of his seat as he notices the stain.]

Shit. Dazai! What the hell?!

[Yes, he knows that was you, Dazai. He shoves that leaking takeout box onto Dazai, and then starts to pull his pants off, because he needs to get some stain remover on that.]

What, was I not supposed to say anything?

[Don't accuse him, you have no evidence! Also: he's trying to be nice, here... sort of!!

Well then, nevermind Dazai as he resumes eating. (From the other box of the same food, because who wants or needs a leaky one?) Contrary to Chuuya's frantic attempts at limiting the damage, Dazai is relaxed, regarding the scene with -... Well, "satisfaction" might be overstating it, but he's certainly not unsatisfied.]

Somehow, I suspected that this meeting was simply an excuse for you to take your pants off, but I didn't think it would happen this quickly.

[It's like you didn't even need the whisky, Chuu!]

[It's always Dazai's fault. Whenever something goes wrong - at least if it's something embarrassing to Chuuya - and Dazai is anywhere in the vicinity, then it's his fault. Guilty until proven innocent.

He's tempted to throw his pants at Dazai, but he does need to get that stain remover on them. He settles for just glaring as he heads for the bathroom.]

I should stab you with my chopsticks. Like hell I'm taking my pants off for you!

[When he returns, he's changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, lazy clothes for wearing around the apartment when he's alone. He prefers not to wear that around other people - impressions are too important, and he's vain about his appearance - but Dazai doesn't deserve any effort, doesn't deserve for him to dress up for him when he doesn't want Dazai to enjoy looking at him anyway.

(In reality it's that he's comfortable around Dazai. It's another sign of trust.)]

Did you eat all the beef?

when you're helpless, waiting to collide

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