indensity | when you're helpless, waiting to collide

when you're helpless, waiting to collide

[Chuuya has lost all track of time while he's been there. The drugs they've injected him with has him slipping in and out of consciousness, and it's making it difficult to think, made worse by the fact that every inch of his body seems to hurt. He only vaguely remembers the fight. He's pretty sure his coffee had been drugged when he bought it, that or his croissant, and then when he'd felt so dizzy only his ability could keep him standing, he'd been attacked out of nowhere by two ability users. One of them had some sort of lightning based ability, he's not sure about the other.

He's pretty sure he has a concussion.

He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.

At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]

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[Chuuya successfully manages to protect his stolen food from further theft. He doesn't notice the hole in the bottom, or the sauce that's slowly starting to leak out, too busy eating a few victory bites.]

I'm a better host than you deserve.

[Which is probably true, but also irrelevant, because Chuuya doesn't actually care. The only point is the argument, which, at the very least, did release some of that annoying tension from earlier. But Chuuya is still going to top up his glass with whiskey, and then move his glass further away from Dazai so he can't steal it again.

He sets the bottle on the table between them, though, so Dazai can have as much as he wants. It's rarely worth the risk to deny him alcohol.]

Next time I'll only buy food you don't like.

[Carefully ignoring most of the facts on the table here, Dazai, too, focuses on the whisky - but not Chuuya's glass, this time. It's easier to pick his fights... and that is why he chooses to emphasize how much of a threat Chuuya isn't posing.]

I'm not that picky regarding food.

[... He kind of is. Not terribly, but he definitely just won't eat something he's not in a mood for. (Or, indeed, anything, if he's not in the mood.) And then there's the dreaded spice, but he thinks Chuuya is blissfully (for Dazai) unaware of that.]

Oh - your box is leaking.

[Such a helpful guest, he is.]

[Chuuya just gives him a look at that.]

Yeah, you are.

[Picky enough, at least, and stubborn enough that if he decided he wanted this particular food, Dazai might have just refused to eat any of the other options. But it seems like that's not what's happening this time, and Chuuya relaxes for a second, goes back to eating.

Until Dazai makes that, and looks down, and then jumps out of his seat as he notices the stain.]

Shit. Dazai! What the hell?!

[Yes, he knows that was you, Dazai. He shoves that leaking takeout box onto Dazai, and then starts to pull his pants off, because he needs to get some stain remover on that.]

What, was I not supposed to say anything?

[Don't accuse him, you have no evidence! Also: he's trying to be nice, here... sort of!!

Well then, nevermind Dazai as he resumes eating. (From the other box of the same food, because who wants or needs a leaky one?) Contrary to Chuuya's frantic attempts at limiting the damage, Dazai is relaxed, regarding the scene with -... Well, "satisfaction" might be overstating it, but he's certainly not unsatisfied.]

Somehow, I suspected that this meeting was simply an excuse for you to take your pants off, but I didn't think it would happen this quickly.

[It's like you didn't even need the whisky, Chuu!]

[It's always Dazai's fault. Whenever something goes wrong - at least if it's something embarrassing to Chuuya - and Dazai is anywhere in the vicinity, then it's his fault. Guilty until proven innocent.

He's tempted to throw his pants at Dazai, but he does need to get that stain remover on them. He settles for just glaring as he heads for the bathroom.]

I should stab you with my chopsticks. Like hell I'm taking my pants off for you!

[When he returns, he's changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, lazy clothes for wearing around the apartment when he's alone. He prefers not to wear that around other people - impressions are too important, and he's vain about his appearance - but Dazai doesn't deserve any effort, doesn't deserve for him to dress up for him when he doesn't want Dazai to enjoy looking at him anyway.

(In reality it's that he's comfortable around Dazai. It's another sign of trust.)]

Did you eat all the beef?

That would be a first!

[Dazai halfway shouts the words after Chuuya as he rushes to save his clothing, because Dazai is an adult that way. He just never shuts up.

Except after that, because Chuuya isn't in front of him to hear it anyway, and Dazai is eating, finally. Why? Well, only so he can cheerfully answer, when Chuuya returns:]

M-hm~!

[He ate all your beef~! Do you have a beef with him now~?]

[Chuuya is just going to ignore that comment. Mostly becaues if Dazai decides he wants to fuck Chuuya later, then Chuuya will probably let him, so there's no point in giving Dazai another reason to be smug about it. But he's still going to kick the back of Dazai's chair as he returns.

He sits down, grabs one of the takeout boxes, and starts digging through with his chopsticks for any surviving meat.]

I really hate you.

[There's a small piece of beef at the bottom, so he's going to eat that quickly. Then he sighs, because... He hasn't actually forgotten about his reason for inviting Dazai here.]

If I'm guilty anyway, I could have just killed them all from the start.

[That's not what he's decided to do.]

[They both know that, since the chair isn't flying through the room with Dazai on it, getting launched like a space rocket, it wasn't a real attempt at a kick from Chuuya.

But Dazai is still going to give him A Look, because fuck you (possibly literally, later, yes).]

I utterly despise you too, Chuuya.

[There's no real malice in the words, though: all of this is obvious and long since established, so why does Chuuya even bother to point it out, really?]

That still wouldn't have been a loss, just a lack of a gain. And it would have given Mori-san more of a hold on you for whatever punishment he may have in mind.

[If he does have one in mind. Dazai can imagine, of course, but since he's no longer intimately aware of the status quo of the mafia top's inner workings, imagine is all he can.

The problem with Mori is that, the moment you think you know what he's up to, you don't.]

... Knowing you, he'll probably condemn you to taking a vacation!

[Clearly the worst punishment!]

[A vacation would mean sending him away. It would mean no longer being close to the mafia, no longer having any idea what was going on in Yokohama, with his subordinates, with Dazai or Fyodor. It would be a punishment, because it would be keeping him out of the loop, and he'd spend the whole time worrying why that's necessary.]

I can't leave Yokohama now.

[Chuuya has taken a couple of vacations over the years, but he he prefers staying close enough that he can be back in Yokohama a couple of hours. And it's usually because Kouyou makes him take a break.

He's had enough food, he thinks, so he picks up his whiskey glass again instead. At least he just sips it for now - he does know his own tolerance, he just usually ignores it - because he doesn't want to be so drunk that he stops being able to think just yet. He still needs to figure this out.]

If the boss wants to punish me, this won't be his main reason.

[Sleeping with a rat is a worse crime. Chuuya is under no illusions that he's been able to hide it from Mori.]

But yeah, I'm not killing this gang. I can think of something better.

[That's fair: Mori definitely has better reasons to punish Chuuya, if and when he feels like it.]

He may use it as an excuse, though.

[Not that Mori needs an excuse. It's really not that kind of excuse; rather, it would be calling Chuuya out and possibly hinting at something or other that Mori knows but isn't calling in just yet, basically giving himself a rain check for worse punishment to follow, while instilling fear in anyone smart enough to know what he's capable of.

But again, you just can't tell. Mori will always know at least as much as you, and probably more, so he always has the best info to work with, whereas you can only guess as to his goals.

Meanwhile Mr. Mass-Murdering Executive is refusing to mass murder.]

Oh? How very uncharacteristic of you.

[Not really, Dazai is just being a dick. He's annoyed, too, because when Mori doesn't necessarily want the entire gang destroyed, Dazai would consider it more reason to do just that. That Chuuya feels differently is hardly a surprise, but it still pisses Dazai off a bit. How Chuuya has gone all this time without being killed by Mori is a mystery.]

[Chuuya knows. He knows Mori could use it against him, and he also thinks Mori has every right. Chuuya's loyalty should be to the Organization first, and his actions might make it look like its not, which is a problem. Even if Mori trusts him - and Mori is paranoid at best - if anyone else in the Organization starts to question Chuuya, Mori would have to do something about it.

Chuuya knows all of that.

What's new, though, and what's completely unlike Chuuya, is that he doesn't really regret any of what he's done. Even he doesn't know what to think of that.]

Yeah. If he doesn't want anyone to figure out the real reason.

[Chuuya hates this. He really does. He defines himself by his loyalty, and he hates the idea that someone could actually question it. His first instinct is to find a way to prove himself, but even that could backfire here. He's going to down his glass of whiskey, considers immediately refilling it, and then hesitates.

His first priority is still the mafia.]

I screwed myself either way, right? So I might as well just do what benefits the Organization the most and not worry about it.

[He means his subordinates, not necessarily Mori, though it's difficult to separate the two. And saying he's not worrying about it is, for once, a complete lie.]

[Of course Chuuya is worried. Only an even bigger idiot than Chuuya would not be worried. He didn't technically say that he wasn't worried, either, which means it's fair play by Dazai's standards, and also more reason, rather than less, to assume that Chuuya - even the ever-loyal Chuuya! - is having a Concern.

That's good; it's well deserved. But it's also kind of a bad sign for Chuuya's future.]

... I'm just saying this, but you know there are other places than the mafia where you could live, and even thrive.

[Dazai knows that Chuuya isn't leaving the mafia, but part of Dazai still wishes Chuuya would, at times like these. One day, Mori's mental charts will consider Chuuya more of a liability than an asset, and then a swift end is the best Chuuya can hope for.

There are ways out, even though they come with their own drawbacks, for the mafia in general even more than for Chuuya in specific. But sometimes Dazai really wishes Chuuya would take them anyway, both for his safety and just to see what happens.

But it won't happen.]

[That makes Chuuya stop. For several seconds he's completely still, like he's waiting for Dazai to start making sense, or for his own brain to catch up on that meaning.]

What?

[He looks over at Dazai. That really came out of nowhere, in his opinion. He's never considered leaving the mafia - just like he never considered leaving the Sheep - because loyalty is too important to him. He needs to belong. He refuses to be a traitor. There's a reason why, even after the Sheep turned on him, he continued to protect them.]

You want me to abandon the Organization?

[Yeah, he really wasn't expecting to hear that from Dazai, even though Dazai did abandon the Organization first.]

[Dazai uses those seconds of silence to refill his glass... and, after some consideration, refill Chuuya's as well. He may or may not regret that later, but it's not like he's making Chuuya drink. If it ends poorly, it's still Chuuya's fault.]

I don't want you to do anything, Chuuya.

[It's none of his business, no matter which way he looks at it, and that's probably for the best. But Chuuya is not going to think of this stuff on his own until it's way too late, and so Dazai can at least do his share by pointing out the obvious. Not that he owes Chuuya anything, but they do go way back... That's an excuse human beings like to use, right?]

But there'll come a time when Mori thinks you're better off dead, and when that happens, it will be best to have a plan in place.

[He swirls the whisky in his glass thoughtfully.]

Well, making such plans isn't going to convince him to change his mind, though.

[And Mori, being Mori, is bound to suspect. That's still not a good reason not to go through with it, however. It may force a slightly quicker outcome, whether for better or for worse, but it's not likely to change the outcome as such.]

[The words hit hard. Chuuya is trying not to react, trying to shove it all down, but it's bringing back memories he was never able to move on from, and Dazai has to know that. The Sheep were terrified of him, and that had been Chuuya's fault. He'd been naive. He'd been trying to do too much for them, and that had left them without confidence, which is why they turned on him. Mori is the one who helped Chuuya see everything he did wrong.

And just the idea that Mori can end up fearing him in the same way is horrifyingly painful.

He does know that Mori isn't someone who trusts others. He verifies, double-checks, and keeps insurances agaisnt everyone. Chuuya is sure he still keeps track of the Sheep just in case he needs to use them as leverage. But still.]

Maybe you're right.

[Chuuya can find a way to prove himself again. He grabs that folder Dazai rejected and opens it, but it's for himself this time. He'll go through the information he gathered, figure out a strategy, see which resources he can get for the mafia.

He doesn't want to think about what Dazai is saying at all.]

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when you're helpless, waiting to collide

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