[Oh, Chuuya's "people" (and by that, Dazai means mostly Mori) need to be a lot more careful about how they deal with this, or Dazai will have a thing or two to say about it. But that's also why it's not worth rubbing the mafia's nose in it: that would require a reaction on the mafia's part. The Agency, well... They can react loudly, but not horribly. Mori, in the meantime, undoubtedly knows, but as long as he can claim ignorance, he doesn't have to deal with it, which is better for everyone involved, really.
Dazai purses his lips, considering Chuuya's question with far more seriousness than it deserves.]
You could try to bribe one of them into recording it, I suppose...
[No, it wouldn't work, even if they did somehow end up interrogating Dazai, but it would be funny to try!]
Just let me know who sold me out. I deserve that much!
Obviously I won't tell you, Dazai. I'm trying to get them to trust me.
[Sorry Dazai, if they sell you out you'll have to figure out the culprit yourself!
Except that Chuuya won't actually try to bribe them. He has a feeling it would backfire horribly if he did, because his first impression is definitely that they're a loyal group. Which Chuuya respects. No, he'll just have to count on Dazai's retelling, if any interrogation actually happens, and hope he doesn't leave out any of the funnier details.
(Why does he have a feeling that the ADA interrogating Dazai would somehow only end up embarrassing for Chuuya instead?)]
Still feels weird to try to be... friendly? [Not even professionally friendly, which is easier.] Not sure how that's supposed to work. Not that they seemed to worry about it much.
[At some point, there will definitely be some footage of a supposed interrogation of Dazai that magically ends up in Chuuya's hands, in which Dazai confesses his love for Chuuya, then his love for pancakes, and then he'll grin right at the "hidden" camera in his biggest sike yet.
But not yet. Chuuya would figure it out too quickly if Dazai did it too close to this discussion.]
If they're not worried about it, should you be? [And the ADA definitely isn't worried about it - not to a degree worth mentioning, at least.] That would mean they're stronger than you, you know.
[... Well, maybe not. But, in a way, yes! There's enough of a core of truth to it to use it to sow some chaos.]
Really? So they won't care when I keep doing things they think is inherently wrong?
[Chuuya can't help arguing Dazai's point, because it's habit, and also because Dazai's argument was a bit weak, he thinks. Still, though. Chuuya shrugs a little, and leans into Dazai a little bit more, so he can feel the way Chuuya's body is still relaxed. He's not upset, or anything.]
That's not really what I meant, though. It's just weird. [How does he even explain it... ] It's always felt like a completely separate world. And yeah, I know it's not actually.
[Schrodinger's world! No wonder that Dazai's joy in life, too, simultaneously exists and doesn't exist.]
But if they took me in as a member, is there any reason why they shouldn't accept your basic existence?
[Yes, of course the whole crimes thing is going to dampen the mood a bit, but the ADA isn't lawful good. They're the twilight, not the day! They're a small band of weirdos, and they all have their dark sides. (... Except maybe Kenji.)
Time to nuzzle Chuuya's hair? Time to nuzzle Chuuya's hair.]
[A lot of people have refused to accept Chuuya's basic existence, and they've never seemed to need a good reason why. But he's not about to point that out now, because if the ADA were at all like that, then Dazai would have just told him. It's not something Chuuya really worries about these days.]
Did you actually tell them about the things you've done from the start?
[He has to ask - no, he's calling Dazai out, really, because he doubts that he did. Dazai never tells anyone everything from the start.
But the nuzzling is distracting. They're still in public! It feels nice, but he can't help the way he's glancing around to see if anyone noticed, or the way his cheeks turn slightly red. That's what he gets for letting Dazai lean on him like that: now he's testing Chuuya to see what else he can get away with.]
At least you didn't do this in front of all of them...
Of course not. [He practically laughs the words, because really.] But they knew enough.
[At least the people who mattered knew. Maybe not all the details, but enough. Fukuzawa had at least a clue; Ranpo probably more of one, assuming he'd been made to care in the first place, which was likely. But if you join the Agency to leave your past behind you, it is truly behind you - provided you want it to be.
Dazai didn't make much of a secret of his past whenever hints started popping up, though. Only with Kunikida was it funnier to keep him in the dark.]
I wouldn't do that to yooouuuu! [Nuzzle, nuzzle! Good dog!] ... Not right away. I thought I should save something for next time!
I knew it. I kinda got the feeling a few of them were hoping I'd be able to tell them a bit more --
[Of course Dazai is planning to embarrass him. Of course it was only a matter of time! Chuuya was doomed from the start, and he should probably just be grateful that Dazai went somewhat easy on him this first time.
Except Chuuya isn't the type to be grateful for that kind of thing. He squirms like he's considering pulling away from the nuzzling, and tries to stop himself from imagining what kind of plans Dazai might have for him. He can't help it, though. He's going to ruin Chuuya's reputation as a mafioso completely, he's sure of it.]
And I could start answering all their questions, too! I should!
[He won't. He never would. Dazai's secrets - even ones Dazai wouldn't actually care about - have always been safe with him. But he has to threaten him with something!]
[Dazai allows Chuuya some more wiggle room at the squirming - it's not like he could physically keep Chuuya where he is, anyway! - but doesn't let go. Can't keep a dog from barking, or something like that. Sometimes you gotta let them off their leash for a while and let them run!
... Except that Dazai still isn't letting go. Hmm. Oh well, maybe he should start to let go of the dog comparisons a little bit, anyway. He has already had a great deal of fun with them.]
Then how about you just answer them?
[The secrets that Dazai has that he actually cares about keeping are so few, they're not even a handful - and even Chuuya doesn't know all of them. Dazai knows that Chuuya wouldn't share the ones he does know with strangers, though.
Still, he may as well give Chuuya an excuse to hold back, other than like... moral integrity, or - Heaven forbid! - actually caring about Dazai.]
When they ask me about you in return, there are some pictures I've been meaning to share with someone.
[Chuuya doesn't break free when Dazai's grip loosens. It only ends up proving that he was never trying to get away at all, and maybe he shouldn't let Dazai have that victory, maybe he should create some distance, at least for a moment, to prevent any smugness, but... He wants to be close. So clearly Dazai should have kept his grip tight from the start!
Not that he wants to be leashed, no matter what Dazai might be thinking. Not that he might actually be disappointed if Dazai stopped with the dog comparisons. Not that he actually likes all of this, or anything.
He definitely doesn't like that threat!]
You-- Dazai, don't you dare!!
[He's not sure which is worse - if it's pictures Dazai's taken during sex, of if it's any other kind of picture. Somehow, the idea of Dazai showing people pictures of Chuuya from when he was drinking coffee on the couch wearing nothing but Dazai's stolen shirt is just as embarrassing as pictures from the last time Dazai made him dress up as a dog. Embarrassing in a different way. It's too intimate.
And there's other kinds of pictures, too. Purely humiliating ones. He knows Dazai has a collection.]
[Should Dazai have kept his grip tight, though? Should he really have done that, when now Chuuya has made the decision to stay close all over again? No, Dazai is pretty sure he is in the right, here!
Dazai does, indeed, have a considerable collection of pictures of Chuuya - which is also why he has zero plan on which ones he would hypothetically use for blackmail. The options are endless, for truly any category that Chuuya might find embarrassing - and, alright, maybe Dazai kind of wants to show off Chuuya a bit, too! He likes his dog!! Not that he would actually show people pics of Chuuya if Chuuya would truly hate the experience, but the idea of showing off all of Chuuya is still nice.
... Which is why he might still share pics. Maybe not the worst ones, though.]
[Chuuya is trying not to think about which pictures, actually. He walks a bit closer to Dazai again, so that he can duck his head, shield his face slightly, even though he really wants to just scowl up at him.]
How should I know? I've never even seen most of them.
[And even if he listed some, Dazai definitely has worse ones saved that Chuuya didn't mention, and so it wouldn't actually get him anywhere.
Not that he's really worried about it. Dazai wants to embarrass Chuuya, not actually upset him, he knows that. And maybe he doesn't hate the fact that Dazai loves showing him off so much. Maybe he even kind of likes it, a little. And humiliation is definitely (ufortunately) a turn on. But it still depends on which pictures exactly Dazai is showing people, and who gets to see them!
And he's still going to grab Dazai's phone out of his pocket, if he can, even though he knows any pictures stored on there are definitely going to be backed up somewhere else as well.]
Maybe I should make you a slideshow...? [Since Chuuya hasn't seen the pics, and all.] I could put them from least to most embarrassing, and see how far you get before hiding your face.
[Definitely not very far. Calling you out, Chuuya! ... Not that Dazai is actually planning to make a slideshow, but, then again... embarrassment does turn Chuuya on, so... it could be an unhealthy alternative to watching porn together??
Dazai doesn't stop Chuuya from stealing his phone; he really has nothing to lose from that, anyway, because he does indeed have backups. Besides, now Chuuya can discover a definitely slightly suggestive photo from himself that Dazai is using as a wallpaper.]
Hey, now! You're not supposed to just take other people's phones?
[Was that the wallpaper before? Definitely not. Did Dazai set it just in case he wanted to use it at the Agency? Possibly. Or did he somehow predict this happening, so he's set it after they just left? WHO KNOWS?! It's Dazai, anything's possible.]
Maybe instead of hiding my face, I'll just punch you in yours. I don't even wanna know what you think would embarrass me the most!
[Because while he's beyond exposed in a lot of those pictures, in the middle of some very kinky sex, he thinks he could manage not to hide from those. But in those vulnerable moments, when he's fully submitting and allowing himself to be needy... or even when they're not having sex, but Chuuya just wants to be close. Like right now, actually, so maybe he shouldn't think about that either.
He'll focus on Dazai's phone instead. He ignores that objection - because Dazai picks Chuuya's pocket all the time and has no right to object - and just starts tapping in the code to unlock it. He's seen Dazai use the code, but he still never knows if it will work this time, or if the bastard has changed it. But there's no error message, the phone unlocks, and Chuuya comes face to face with exactly the kind of picture he was trying not to think about.]
You--
[He can't hide his face. He can't react too much. He has to control his expression, or the bastard will be too damn smug. But also, who the hell uses a picture of another person they know as their wallpaper... Aside from couples. It's normal for couples. But even then it's not normally this suggestive, right?]
You were hoping someone would catch a glimpse, weren't you?!
That is a good question... I guess everything embarrasses you equally?
[You really are so easily embarrassed, Chuuya! But Dazai enjoys that, so... keep up the good work, or something.
Alright but are we really sure that Dazai doesn't just have his phone programmed so that the code that Chuuya knows unlocks one account, while he keeps all the really secret stuff on another? Anything is possible! (Maybe the secret account has Chuuya's birthday as the unlock code, just for funsies.)]
Do you think people didn't catch a glimpse?
[They didn't. But Chuuya doesn't have to know that.
Also: you are totally a couple, Chuuya! What else was this ADA introduction even about?! ... You're just a special couple. Or an especially horny couple. Either one.]
That's not true. You just make things embarrassing on purpose.
[Which isn't much of a defense, but it's what he's got. Really, his best bet here would be to change the subject, before he digs his own humiliating grave. All he's doing right now is encouraging Dazai.
He can at least change that background to something else for now. He opens Dazai's picture folder, and tries to find a neutral picture or something, but he's quickly realizing that this isn't something he should be doing in public. He doesn't want to be looking at these pictures of himself out here on the street!]
If they already saw, you wouldn't be planning to show them in the future.
[He hopes. Maybe. You know what, time to switch to the internet browser, and just find a regular boring wallpaper of the night sky or something for Dazai to use.]
[Dazai can definitely make things embarrassing on purpose while Chuuya is embarrassed by everything equally. Maybe that's why Dazai enjoys it, even! Minimal effort; guaranteed results.
But it's fine, he sees no need to keep rubbing it in. He's had his fun with that, after all - and they have other topics to attend to.]
It's only one picture, Chuuya... There are many more for me to show them.
[Not that he's especially planning on that, but whatever. He'll even keep that boring wallpaper for a while, because Chuuya chose it for him~! ... And, okay, because it will remind Dazai of Chuuya's embarrassment, and of the pic that got removed. Same basic difference!]
[But Chuuya is also more than happy to drop that argument. He knows there's a risk Dazai will bring it up again later, especially if he does decide to make that slideshow, but hopefully that won't happen anywhere public like this. If Dazai is going to do that to him, he owes it to Chuuya to thoroughly fuck him after.
Not that they haven't ever fucked anywhere public.]
Except if I don't tell them your secrets, you can't show them the pictures. [That's what the threat was, right?] But dodging their questions was hard enough this time. We might have to get our stories straight or something.
[Listen, Chuuya can't be expected to just answer a question about how they met - he's not gonna go into what happened with the Sheep and Rimbaud, and it's not the answer anyone wants when they ask that. He'd just quickly said something about meeting 'on the job' and changed the subject.]
[For what it's worth: Dazai will definitely have any potential slideshow somewhere private. It's not necessarily for the fucking afterwards, though that is more convenient in private. Primarily, though, Dazai will do it in private so he can do it at Chuuya's home cinema or something, and make sure everything is HUGE.
... He could rent out an actual cinema for it, he supposes... Food for thought.]
There's only so straight for us to make our stories, Chuuya.
[Too meta? Too meta. But also very accurate.
With an arm around Chuuya, Dazai taps his fingers against Chuuya's body, just to have something to do, and to help him think. If he's moving his fingers in the way he would to play a particular piece of classical music on the piano, that's definitely just a coincidence. He doesn't play the piano, after all.]
... Are there things you don't want them to know?
[He's not planning to share anything truly private, of course: they both know exactly where their boundaries are, with that. But maybe there's something less obvious that Chuuya would rather not have shared. He can be so sensitive, after all~! (... No, Dazai is just insensitive.)]
[Dazai's joke might be incredibly stupid, but Chuuya still lets out a small huff of laughter. It's true. Nothing about them or their relationship has ever been straight. They've never even been straitlaced.
And the bad joke helps to make him relax a little more. The tapping feels like an encouragement to lean into Dazai even more, but he can't really do that without unbalancing them both as they walk, so instead he just holds onto Dazai a little more firmly himself. Does it really matter if anyone sees them? Is he really supposed to care about something like that, when this, them, is more valuable to him than anything else in his life.
(Don't ever tell Dazai he feels that way, the bastard would never stop being smug about it.)
Chuuya takes a second to consider the question. He realizes he's still holding Dazai's phone, so he slips it into his own pocket, for no reason other than just because he can.]
I don't really care. [Dazai will be able to feel the way he shrugs slightly.] Figured talking about it would just bring the mood down, though.
[He feels no need to specify the things he wouldn't want them to know, the things he never talks about with anyone. Dazai already knows.]
[Dazai has a fair idea of how Chuuya feels about him, but thankfully he sees no need to rub it in... most of the time. They both benefit from not thinking too hard about it, albeit in different ways.
That's still no guarantee that common sense won't be cast aside for rule of funny, though.
It's a surprisingly good question, actually: would the people at the Agency want to know? Dazai probably shouldn't have entertained the question in the first place, because why think about such things if there's no need to tell them anything? And yet deciding on not telling them anything ever doesn't feel right, either. For all that Dazai makes it his business - sometimes literally - to not tell anyone anything without good reason, it doesn't quite feel right to do that with matters concerning Chuuya. There's a certain pride in their relationship that makes Dazai want to talk about it a lot, and he's not sure how much he should.
But mostly, it felt important for Dazai to ask, even if he really wasn't expecting a different answer from the one he got. He's really not sure why; some basic respect, maybe. (... No, that seems unlikely.)]
Hmm, probably not... [Definitely not, when it comes to some things. At the same time, it's not like the Agency doesn't know the general gist of the kind of things the mafia does, and the messy things that have always seemed to be going on in Yokohama in general.] ... But what if I want to show off my cute chibi~?
[This secret has always been different from the many others they both keep. If Chuuya refuses to share some detail about himself, it's because it's personal, it's his, and it's definitely no one else's business. But if he shares, it's always felt like he's giving up control of that part of himself, somehow. Maybe it will change how they see him, even though it has nothing to do with anything. Or maybe they'll try to tell him how he should feel about it, which is bullshit, and just pisses him off, even if they mean well. Or maybe they'll find a way to use it, as though they have any right to it at all.
But this is different. Sure, at first he wanted to keep it secret for those exact same reasons -- except he'd been lying to himself. Because the truth is, other people can use it because they kept it secret. And this isn't some fact about himself that he wants to leave in the past, either. It's not something he's ever letting go of.
And keeping it a secret was starting to feel the same as saying he's not supposed to have something this good in his life. So no, it doesn't feel right to keep hiding it, and they can talk about it, and the fact that Dazai wants to talk about it makes him happy. Which is exactly why it gets him so flustered and why he never knows how to react.]
Maybe leave out the bloodier parts -- [Well, at least he knows how to react to that.] And if you do that, you'll be covered in blood right in front of them.
[And to make his point, he'll pinch Dazai's side as he says it. He could do more - Dazai will probably barely feel it through his clothes - but he likes walking this close. But what he will do, is suddenly change direction at the next corner, pulling Dazai along with no real explanation.]
[Yet more reasons to wear bandages: they're fairly good at protecting against pinching, making it harder to get a grip. Not that Dazai expects that to stop Chuuya, of course - which is why he'll graciously offer a little 'ouch!' that is entirely insincere, intended to put an end to a potential pinching battle even before it begins. His insincerity is probably a bit too obvious from the way he doesn't flinch or move away at all, but look, you can only expect him to put in so much effort! And also: he doesn't want to move away from Chuuya. So there!
Being yoinked around a corner is more unexpected that Dazai cares to give Chuuya credit for, but he'll still use the motion to steal back his phone from Chuuya's pocket, just in case. An opportunity is an opportunity.]
And what is this way?
[He knows the answer to that, topographically. But Chuuya's intentions? Not so much.]
[Of course Dazai knows the area - he knows the entire city, more or less, and this is still close to the ADA. But there's more than one thing in this direction, and Chuuya will enjoy leaving Dazai in the dark for as long as he possibly can.
There's no more attempts at pinching, though. Sure, Dazai's ouch wasn't believable at all, but neither was the pinch itself, really, so it all balances out. Either way Chuuya doesn't want to ruin the comfortable moment.]
You'll see.
[Yep, that's all Dazai's getting. Though it becomes obvious pretty quickly when Chuuya guides them in the direction of a nearby park. He's still not gonna say what exactly he's planning, though, but he is going to look around for some teenage girls, or anyone else who looks like they can hold a camera and figure out a decent angle for a picture, without getting it all blurry.
And then he'll give them Dazai's pho-- No, the bastard stole it back. Fine, he'll give them his own phone as he asks them to take a picture of the two of them.]
[Dazai gives a long-suffering sigh at that non-response - which is entirely undeserved, but it's the principle of the thing. Being surprised by Chuuya sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, but Dazai doesn't ask for an explanation again, nor does he try to derail Chuuya and take him in some other direction.
So maybe he's actually a little curious what Chuuya has in mind. Don't expect him to admit that!
... It's just a picture or two that Chuuya has in mind? Well... Come to think of it, Dazai supposes that, for all the images he has of Chuuya, there aren't as many of the two of them together - and definitely not the average chill-date-in-a-park photos. Dazai doesn't mind fixing that, actually.
The teenage girls are a bit confused at first, but obediently helpful. Then Dazai decides to make a nice little show of it, fixing his arm around Chuuya from extremely up close. It's at that point that the girls start wondering at what, exactly, they are witnessing, and oh boy will they be excited to see a little bit of that legendary boys' love come to life before their eyes, if it comes to that. Dazai, for one, is more than happy to deliver, starting ever so innocently, but ending with a kiss (an innocent one! on top of Chuuya's head!) if he can get away with it. (Alright, so removing the hat is a welcome side-effect of that. Come on, Chuuya - you can lose the hat for some cute relationshippy pics!)]
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Dazai purses his lips, considering Chuuya's question with far more seriousness than it deserves.]
You could try to bribe one of them into recording it, I suppose...
[No, it wouldn't work, even if they did somehow end up interrogating Dazai, but it would be funny to try!]
Just let me know who sold me out. I deserve that much!
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[Sorry Dazai, if they sell you out you'll have to figure out the culprit yourself!
Except that Chuuya won't actually try to bribe them. He has a feeling it would backfire horribly if he did, because his first impression is definitely that they're a loyal group. Which Chuuya respects. No, he'll just have to count on Dazai's retelling, if any interrogation actually happens, and hope he doesn't leave out any of the funnier details.
(Why does he have a feeling that the ADA interrogating Dazai would somehow only end up embarrassing for Chuuya instead?)]
Still feels weird to try to be... friendly? [Not even professionally friendly, which is easier.] Not sure how that's supposed to work. Not that they seemed to worry about it much.
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But not yet. Chuuya would figure it out too quickly if Dazai did it too close to this discussion.]
If they're not worried about it, should you be? [And the ADA definitely isn't worried about it - not to a degree worth mentioning, at least.] That would mean they're stronger than you, you know.
[... Well, maybe not. But, in a way, yes! There's enough of a core of truth to it to use it to sow some chaos.]
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[Chuuya can't help arguing Dazai's point, because it's habit, and also because Dazai's argument was a bit weak, he thinks. Still, though. Chuuya shrugs a little, and leans into Dazai a little bit more, so he can feel the way Chuuya's body is still relaxed. He's not upset, or anything.]
That's not really what I meant, though. It's just weird. [How does he even explain it... ] It's always felt like a completely separate world. And yeah, I know it's not actually.
[But it sort of is anyway.]
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[Schrodinger's world! No wonder that Dazai's joy in life, too, simultaneously exists and doesn't exist.]
But if they took me in as a member, is there any reason why they shouldn't accept your basic existence?
[Yes, of course the whole crimes thing is going to dampen the mood a bit, but the ADA isn't lawful good. They're the twilight, not the day! They're a small band of weirdos, and they all have their dark sides. (... Except maybe Kenji.)
Time to nuzzle Chuuya's hair? Time to nuzzle Chuuya's hair.]
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Did you actually tell them about the things you've done from the start?
[He has to ask - no, he's calling Dazai out, really, because he doubts that he did. Dazai never tells anyone everything from the start.
But the nuzzling is distracting. They're still in public! It feels nice, but he can't help the way he's glancing around to see if anyone noticed, or the way his cheeks turn slightly red. That's what he gets for letting Dazai lean on him like that: now he's testing Chuuya to see what else he can get away with.]
At least you didn't do this in front of all of them...
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[At least the people who mattered knew. Maybe not all the details, but enough. Fukuzawa had at least a clue; Ranpo probably more of one, assuming he'd been made to care in the first place, which was likely. But if you join the Agency to leave your past behind you, it is truly behind you - provided you want it to be.
Dazai didn't make much of a secret of his past whenever hints started popping up, though. Only with Kunikida was it funnier to keep him in the dark.]
I wouldn't do that to yooouuuu! [Nuzzle, nuzzle! Good dog!] ... Not right away. I thought I should save something for next time!
[Huehuehue~!]
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[Of course Dazai is planning to embarrass him. Of course it was only a matter of time! Chuuya was doomed from the start, and he should probably just be grateful that Dazai went somewhat easy on him this first time.
Except Chuuya isn't the type to be grateful for that kind of thing. He squirms like he's considering pulling away from the nuzzling, and tries to stop himself from imagining what kind of plans Dazai might have for him. He can't help it, though. He's going to ruin Chuuya's reputation as a mafioso completely, he's sure of it.]
And I could start answering all their questions, too! I should!
[He won't. He never would. Dazai's secrets - even ones Dazai wouldn't actually care about - have always been safe with him. But he has to threaten him with something!]
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... Except that Dazai still isn't letting go. Hmm. Oh well, maybe he should start to let go of the dog comparisons a little bit, anyway. He has already had a great deal of fun with them.]
Then how about you just answer them?
[The secrets that Dazai has that he actually cares about keeping are so few, they're not even a handful - and even Chuuya doesn't know all of them. Dazai knows that Chuuya wouldn't share the ones he does know with strangers, though.
Still, he may as well give Chuuya an excuse to hold back, other than like... moral integrity, or - Heaven forbid! - actually caring about Dazai.]
When they ask me about you in return, there are some pictures I've been meaning to share with someone.
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Not that he wants to be leashed, no matter what Dazai might be thinking. Not that he might actually be disappointed if Dazai stopped with the dog comparisons. Not that he actually likes all of this, or anything.
He definitely doesn't like that threat!]
You-- Dazai, don't you dare!!
[He's not sure which is worse - if it's pictures Dazai's taken during sex, of if it's any other kind of picture. Somehow, the idea of Dazai showing people pictures of Chuuya from when he was drinking coffee on the couch wearing nothing but Dazai's stolen shirt is just as embarrassing as pictures from the last time Dazai made him dress up as a dog. Embarrassing in a different way. It's too intimate.
And there's other kinds of pictures, too. Purely humiliating ones. He knows Dazai has a collection.]
Delete those and I won't answer any questions!
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Dazai does, indeed, have a considerable collection of pictures of Chuuya - which is also why he has zero plan on which ones he would hypothetically use for blackmail. The options are endless, for truly any category that Chuuya might find embarrassing - and, alright, maybe Dazai kind of wants to show off Chuuya a bit, too! He likes his dog!! Not that he would actually show people pics of Chuuya if Chuuya would truly hate the experience, but the idea of showing off all of Chuuya is still nice.
... Which is why he might still share pics. Maybe not the worst ones, though.]
Delete which ones~? There are soooo many~
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How should I know? I've never even seen most of them.
[And even if he listed some, Dazai definitely has worse ones saved that Chuuya didn't mention, and so it wouldn't actually get him anywhere.
Not that he's really worried about it. Dazai wants to embarrass Chuuya, not actually upset him, he knows that. And maybe he doesn't hate the fact that Dazai loves showing him off so much. Maybe he even kind of likes it, a little. And humiliation is definitely (ufortunately) a turn on. But it still depends on which pictures exactly Dazai is showing people, and who gets to see them!
And he's still going to grab Dazai's phone out of his pocket, if he can, even though he knows any pictures stored on there are definitely going to be backed up somewhere else as well.]
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[Definitely not very far. Calling you out, Chuuya! ... Not that Dazai is actually planning to make a slideshow, but, then again... embarrassment does turn Chuuya on, so... it could be an unhealthy alternative to watching porn together??
Dazai doesn't stop Chuuya from stealing his phone; he really has nothing to lose from that, anyway, because he does indeed have backups. Besides, now Chuuya can discover a definitely slightly suggestive photo from himself that Dazai is using as a wallpaper.]
Hey, now! You're not supposed to just take other people's phones?
[Was that the wallpaper before? Definitely not. Did Dazai set it just in case he wanted to use it at the Agency? Possibly. Or did he somehow predict this happening, so he's set it after they just left? WHO KNOWS?! It's Dazai, anything's possible.]
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[Because while he's beyond exposed in a lot of those pictures, in the middle of some very kinky sex, he thinks he could manage not to hide from those. But in those vulnerable moments, when he's fully submitting and allowing himself to be needy... or even when they're not having sex, but Chuuya just wants to be close. Like right now, actually, so maybe he shouldn't think about that either.
He'll focus on Dazai's phone instead. He ignores that objection - because Dazai picks Chuuya's pocket all the time and has no right to object - and just starts tapping in the code to unlock it. He's seen Dazai use the code, but he still never knows if it will work this time, or if the bastard has changed it. But there's no error message, the phone unlocks, and Chuuya comes face to face with exactly the kind of picture he was trying not to think about.]
You--
[He can't hide his face. He can't react too much. He has to control his expression, or the bastard will be too damn smug. But also, who the hell uses a picture of another person they know as their wallpaper... Aside from couples. It's normal for couples. But even then it's not normally this suggestive, right?]
You were hoping someone would catch a glimpse, weren't you?!
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[You really are so easily embarrassed, Chuuya! But Dazai enjoys that, so... keep up the good work, or something.
Alright but are we really sure that Dazai doesn't just have his phone programmed so that the code that Chuuya knows unlocks one account, while he keeps all the really secret stuff on another? Anything is possible! (Maybe the secret account has Chuuya's birthday as the unlock code, just for funsies.)]
Do you think people didn't catch a glimpse?
[They didn't. But Chuuya doesn't have to know that.
Also: you are totally a couple, Chuuya! What else was this ADA introduction even about?! ... You're just a special couple. Or an especially horny couple. Either one.]
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[Which isn't much of a defense, but it's what he's got. Really, his best bet here would be to change the subject, before he digs his own humiliating grave. All he's doing right now is encouraging Dazai.
He can at least change that background to something else for now. He opens Dazai's picture folder, and tries to find a neutral picture or something, but he's quickly realizing that this isn't something he should be doing in public. He doesn't want to be looking at these pictures of himself out here on the street!]
If they already saw, you wouldn't be planning to show them in the future.
[He hopes. Maybe. You know what, time to switch to the internet browser, and just find a regular boring wallpaper of the night sky or something for Dazai to use.]
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[Dazai can definitely make things embarrassing on purpose while Chuuya is embarrassed by everything equally. Maybe that's why Dazai enjoys it, even! Minimal effort; guaranteed results.
But it's fine, he sees no need to keep rubbing it in. He's had his fun with that, after all - and they have other topics to attend to.]
It's only one picture, Chuuya... There are many more for me to show them.
[Not that he's especially planning on that, but whatever. He'll even keep that boring wallpaper for a while, because Chuuya chose it for him~! ... And, okay, because it will remind Dazai of Chuuya's embarrassment, and of the pic that got removed. Same basic difference!]
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[But Chuuya is also more than happy to drop that argument. He knows there's a risk Dazai will bring it up again later, especially if he does decide to make that slideshow, but hopefully that won't happen anywhere public like this. If Dazai is going to do that to him, he owes it to Chuuya to thoroughly fuck him after.
Not that they haven't ever fucked anywhere public.]
Except if I don't tell them your secrets, you can't show them the pictures. [That's what the threat was, right?] But dodging their questions was hard enough this time. We might have to get our stories straight or something.
[Listen, Chuuya can't be expected to just answer a question about how they met - he's not gonna go into what happened with the Sheep and Rimbaud, and it's not the answer anyone wants when they ask that. He'd just quickly said something about meeting 'on the job' and changed the subject.]
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... He could rent out an actual cinema for it, he supposes... Food for thought.]
There's only so straight for us to make our stories, Chuuya.
[Too meta? Too meta. But also very accurate.
With an arm around Chuuya, Dazai taps his fingers against Chuuya's body, just to have something to do, and to help him think. If he's moving his fingers in the way he would to play a particular piece of classical music on the piano, that's definitely just a coincidence. He doesn't play the piano, after all.]
... Are there things you don't want them to know?
[He's not planning to share anything truly private, of course: they both know exactly where their boundaries are, with that. But maybe there's something less obvious that Chuuya would rather not have shared. He can be so sensitive, after all~! (... No, Dazai is just insensitive.)]
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And the bad joke helps to make him relax a little more. The tapping feels like an encouragement to lean into Dazai even more, but he can't really do that without unbalancing them both as they walk, so instead he just holds onto Dazai a little more firmly himself. Does it really matter if anyone sees them? Is he really supposed to care about something like that, when this, them, is more valuable to him than anything else in his life.
(Don't ever tell Dazai he feels that way, the bastard would never stop being smug about it.)
Chuuya takes a second to consider the question. He realizes he's still holding Dazai's phone, so he slips it into his own pocket, for no reason other than just because he can.]
I don't really care. [Dazai will be able to feel the way he shrugs slightly.] Figured talking about it would just bring the mood down, though.
[He feels no need to specify the things he wouldn't want them to know, the things he never talks about with anyone. Dazai already knows.]
I mean, do they even really wanna know?
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That's still no guarantee that common sense won't be cast aside for rule of funny, though.
It's a surprisingly good question, actually: would the people at the Agency want to know? Dazai probably shouldn't have entertained the question in the first place, because why think about such things if there's no need to tell them anything? And yet deciding on not telling them anything ever doesn't feel right, either. For all that Dazai makes it his business - sometimes literally - to not tell anyone anything without good reason, it doesn't quite feel right to do that with matters concerning Chuuya. There's a certain pride in their relationship that makes Dazai want to talk about it a lot, and he's not sure how much he should.
But mostly, it felt important for Dazai to ask, even if he really wasn't expecting a different answer from the one he got. He's really not sure why; some basic respect, maybe. (... No, that seems unlikely.)]
Hmm, probably not... [Definitely not, when it comes to some things. At the same time, it's not like the Agency doesn't know the general gist of the kind of things the mafia does, and the messy things that have always seemed to be going on in Yokohama in general.] ... But what if I want to show off my cute chibi~?
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But this is different. Sure, at first he wanted to keep it secret for those exact same reasons -- except he'd been lying to himself. Because the truth is, other people can use it because they kept it secret. And this isn't some fact about himself that he wants to leave in the past, either. It's not something he's ever letting go of.
And keeping it a secret was starting to feel the same as saying he's not supposed to have something this good in his life. So no, it doesn't feel right to keep hiding it, and they can talk about it, and the fact that Dazai wants to talk about it makes him happy. Which is exactly why it gets him so flustered and why he never knows how to react.]
Maybe leave out the bloodier parts -- [Well, at least he knows how to react to that.] And if you do that, you'll be covered in blood right in front of them.
[And to make his point, he'll pinch Dazai's side as he says it. He could do more - Dazai will probably barely feel it through his clothes - but he likes walking this close. But what he will do, is suddenly change direction at the next corner, pulling Dazai along with no real explanation.]
Come on, we're going this way.
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Being yoinked around a corner is more unexpected that Dazai cares to give Chuuya credit for, but he'll still use the motion to steal back his phone from Chuuya's pocket, just in case. An opportunity is an opportunity.]
And what is this way?
[He knows the answer to that, topographically. But Chuuya's intentions? Not so much.]
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There's no more attempts at pinching, though. Sure, Dazai's ouch wasn't believable at all, but neither was the pinch itself, really, so it all balances out. Either way Chuuya doesn't want to ruin the comfortable moment.]
You'll see.
[Yep, that's all Dazai's getting. Though it becomes obvious pretty quickly when Chuuya guides them in the direction of a nearby park. He's still not gonna say what exactly he's planning, though, but he is going to look around for some teenage girls, or anyone else who looks like they can hold a camera and figure out a decent angle for a picture, without getting it all blurry.
And then he'll give them Dazai's pho-- No, the bastard stole it back. Fine, he'll give them his own phone as he asks them to take a picture of the two of them.]
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So maybe he's actually a little curious what Chuuya has in mind. Don't expect him to admit that!
... It's just a picture or two that Chuuya has in mind? Well... Come to think of it, Dazai supposes that, for all the images he has of Chuuya, there aren't as many of the two of them together - and definitely not the average chill-date-in-a-park photos. Dazai doesn't mind fixing that, actually.
The teenage girls are a bit confused at first, but obediently helpful. Then Dazai decides to make a nice little show of it, fixing his arm around Chuuya from extremely up close. It's at that point that the girls start wondering at what, exactly, they are witnessing, and oh boy will they be excited to see a little bit of that legendary boys' love come to life before their eyes, if it comes to that. Dazai, for one, is more than happy to deliver, starting ever so innocently, but ending with a kiss (an innocent one! on top of Chuuya's head!) if he can get away with it. (Alright, so removing the hat is a welcome side-effect of that. Come on, Chuuya - you can lose the hat for some cute relationshippy pics!)]
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