just bleeding out in the mouth of the devil

[indensity]

[cw: torture.]


[Chuuya keeps glancing over at Dazai. He can see him through a glass window, some distance away, looking down at him. It's difficult to make out his expression from here. It's difficult to focus on him, but he has to make sure Dazai is still there, that they're not trying to trick him somehow. He can't even tell what's going on with him. If he's okay.

And his attention is drawn away again a split second later. A white hot rod is shoved against his side, burning his skin, making him scream and scream. He'd tried not to, at first. Not because he didn't want to give them the satisfaction - he's been tortured before, he knew it was inevitable - but because Dazai is there, and he doesn't want him to see, doesn't want him to know. But he's far beyond that point now. He has a broken arm, several broken ribs, they've punched him enough, he's bleeding badly in several places, and now they're getting creative. They're having fun. And Chuuya is just taking it, holding himself still for them as they come up with something new. When they pull the rod away again, when he's able to breathe and think, at least for a second, he wonders if they might be stopping his bleeding with this new method. They can cause him pain and keep him alive longer, all with one technique.

He's trying to keep his mind going as a distraction against the pain. It's really not working.

He's on his back on the floor, naked, breathing hard as they allow him a few seconds' break. They probably don't want him passing out, and he's relieved, because he needs to be ready. There are tears of pain in his eyes as he looks up at Dazai again, making sure he's there, and looking for a sign, any sign. He can't act until Dazai lets him know it's time. Dazai will figure something out, he always does, but --

Chuuya really hopes it's soon.

But even if it's not, he'll stay right where he is and take it. Because he can't risk them following through on their threat to kill Dazai if he doesn't cooperate. And there's no way Chuuya would reach him in time to save him from here.]

Comments

[dressing]

[There are things they should talk about. And that means Dazai is definitely not going to talk about them, because that's what he does--instead, he shoves it all into the kiss, hoping the feeling will at least make thinking about things hard.

It... sort of works. Instead of thinking, he pulls Chuuya's hair, tastes blood between them, makes more of it. Chuuya deserves it, doesn't he? For stupidly almost dying. If he's really that keen on letting himself bleed, then Dazai will help. Isn't he terribly magnanimous?

He can't blame it on being overtired. He'll blame it on Chuuya. Everything is Chuuya's fault; this kiss, for one. He'd started it, hadn't he? Chased Dazai down, forced him to talk about things. Tried to pull a stupid stunt--Dazai's own--by threatening to let himself fall off the bridge. Idiot. Dazai hates him. ]

[indensity]

[Chuuya keeps groaning from the pain of the kiss. His lips are gonna be bruised black and blue where they’re not bleeding, and it feels like everything is bleeding, but he doesn’t care about that. Every word of this conversation has already been making him bleed.

He’s forgetting to breathe, lightheaded and tired, eyes closed now as he just holds on. Everything hurts. He’s barely hard, though he’s a little surprised his body has energy left to get it up at all.

And he’s still feeling too much. He goes from gripping Dazai’s clothes to tearing at them, at the bandages. He wants to bury himself inside his skin. Dazai shouldn’t get to protect himself with any barriers like this when he’s forced Chuuya to lay himself so bare.]

[dressing]

[Everything should be bleeding. Isn't that how it always is? As long as they've known each other, longer than they've known each other. Dazai doesn't care. He doesn't want to think about any of that.

Chuuya can do what he wants, within limits. Tearing at his clothes, that's fine. The bandages, even, Dazai won't complain about. Any inch he moves away from Chuuya's mouth is a chance for more words to come that are too honest, so Dazai just breathes into him instead. One of his hands grabs at Chuuya's clothes; they might as well take it all off, because they both know where this is going.]

[indensity]

[Chuuya gets some of Dazai's clothes out of the way, rips his bandages out of impatience, needing to feel skin against skin. Once he has Dazai's chest and shoulders uncovered, he slows down a little, strokes his fingers across the top of his spine like a reminder.

And he'll help Dazai with his own clothes, too. Sort of. He's just as reluctant to mvoe away, to stop kissing,, which makes it harder. In the end, he just rips his own shirt, too, and throws it aside. It feels better like this. This is the kind of need that's more acceptable. It's purely physical. They can throw the emotions from earlier away, at least from now. Maybe in the morning Chuuya will be allowed to pretend none of those confessions ever happened.

He slides forward in Dazai's lap, grinds down against him, to make sure.]

[dressing]

[Chuuya is always like this; once they start kissing, he doesn't want to stop. Sometimes, Dazai is in the mood for teasing, and other times, he simply doesn't want to bother. Right now is the latter. He won't fight the kissing, or the baring of skin, or the touching.

He will put his hands on Chuuya once that shirt is gone--he must really be desperate for something if he's ripping clothes he absolutely spent too much on. Whenever Dazai rips clothing, it's an issue, but here Chuuya is ruining it himself and acting as though it's fine. What an ass.

And speaking of asses...]

Pants.

[The way Chuuya grinds down makes Dazai break the kiss, voice low and demanding. He's not going to draw this out as they normally would, because it leaves too much room for words, and where would either of them be if they actually communicated in a healthy manner?]

[indensity]

[Of course it's okay when Chuuya does it. He doesn't have time to care right now, not when he can't get himself close enough, and when Dazai does it it's just to be a dick. Dazai does it, and then still takes his time, teases Chuuya for way too long, so clearly he could have waited for Chuuya to take his shirt off properly. And Dazai does it because he knows Chuuya will get pissed off.

This is about need. This is about skin against skin. Chuuya sighs when he feels Dazai's hands on him, like he's been waiting for it for way too long, desperation even in that small sound.

And he doesn't want to pull away, but Dazai has already broken the kiss, and need - and that tone - makes him obedient. He gets off Dazai's lap, just long enough to push his pants and underwear down and off, kicking it all away. Dazai can take that moment to get his own pants off, but Chuuya won't hesitate before climbing back on him so he can touch again.]

Lube's too far away.

[He doesn't care. He's just saying. Considering they fuck just about everywhere in his apartment, he really should start keeping it in more places, for convenience.]

Wouldn't want a lot anyway. It should hurt.