[Chuuya may not be holding Dazai's hand in place anymore, but Dazai still keeps it where it was - and he'll find some subtle place to touch Chuuya too, like that awkward side mullet. He doesn't especially want this to escalate.
But it's already escalated, and it keeps escalating further, and as easy as it would be to force a truce, if not accomplish actual peace, when both Fyodor and Chuuya are basically putting him on the spot, Dazai loses all interest in doing so. Does he really want them to kill each other? No. But he's already had a shitty time, and the last thing he wants is to put actual effort into stopping not just one, but two murder machines.]
... Don't wanna.
[And with that, he stops touching Chuuya and Fyodor both, and turns his back to walk away, stretching a particularly painful arm that got the rough end of his crash landing on a rat. He turns the movement into a half-assed wave on his supposed way out.]
If you want to, go ahead~
[Maybe it's a clever ploy to give them a common enemy, instead of killing each other.
Maybe he's just super lazy, and also wouldn't mind the attention.
Maybe all of the above! Picking only one option is for losers, anyway.]
[ self-defence is a flexible term, fyodor has come to find that it suits as an excuse to kill, maim or harm another; he could lie and say there is no other choice but to apply crime and punishment in this situation. it wouldn't even be a complete lie either but, more than what consequences await him for bending the rules, fyo does not want to end chuuya's life here. he's had him under his command before, vampire parts aside, and dostoevsky enjoyed it. that alone grants a bit of grace if nothing else.
the blow to his stomach will bruise; aches, now despite the way he stares dully at chuuya, hair fisted. ah, fyo thinks abstractly, that if he were to die here it would be pretty interesting. would chuuya snap his neck? or slam him on the floor until all his bones broke? not wanting or wanting to die has nothing to do with this train of morbid thoughts. his mind always does this, unfolding before his eyes a variety of futures, all possible and unlikely in their individual ways.
dostoevsky's bloodied mouth smiles up at chuuya, tendons in his neck protesting at the angle he's being held. the dullness recedes like the tide, replaced quickly by invitation. if dazai is done playing here, fyodor is happy to fill in -not upside down, no, but there are many ways to skin a cat. or a shear a sheep, as the case may be.
his hands are free, up close like this he slides a palm along the edge of chuuya's pants, stopping very deliberately in the middle, thumb playing with the zipper before dostoevsky stills again.
and really, he's not willing to give dazai any crumbs after he'd just so very rudely left him to die at chuuya's hands. ]
[When Dazai walks away, Chuuya tenses, almost imperceptibly but still there. He doesn't know how Dostoevsky's Ability works, what it really is, which means that without No Longer Human to cancel it, fighting him has quickly become a huge risk. And he's probably already pissed off the rat.
He doesn't make another move, not yet. He pulls his knife back a fraction, and waits to see what might happen, ready to react, to counterattack, to crush him with Tainted if he decides to kill Chuuya now.
He wasn't prepared for that.
Now, Chuuya actually freezes, eyes going wide with surprise and clear horror as he feels that hand on his crotch. Dazai can't see this. Dazai can't find out. And the worst part is, he kind of wants it.
Chuuya jumps back fast, making sure to keep his back to Dazai. He's blushing.]
Dazai, if you're leaving, take your damn rat with you.
[Maybe Dazai should have expected a move like that from Fyodor. Maybe he did expect a move like that from Fyodor - the guy must have come here for some reason, after all, and Chuuya's type is all too obvious - but what he didn't expect was the way it makes him feel, even if there's no good reason for that.
Still, while he may slow down almost imperceptibly, he takes another step, and another, because he shouldn't feel anything, surely? So why would he bother to? His old conclusion that anything worth having is lost to him the moment he obtains it can clearly only affect him if he acknowledges said "anything" as worth having in the first place.
He does, however, come to a stop when Chuuya calls out to him.]
I know you won't, Chuuya. You're not into suicide, after all.
[Let that one sink in for a moment, why don't you? Or don't, and realize what he meant a little later.
Siiiiiiiiiigh okaaaay Dazai is doing this, he guesses. How dare you both make him do a thing, to be honest?! He turns around, looking at Fyodor, his voice and expression both extremely bored.]
Fyo-chan, could you not enrage the Chuuhuahua? I know he's tempting to poke at, but I promise you his bite is worse than yours.
[ maybe, agreeing to the terms he had with the ada had been a mistake. aimless, under dazai's observations, and with crime and punishment monitored he has effectively trapped himself in a more effective way than any of the traps in meursault. and maybe seeing all of this humanity, being forced to engage it is bad for his own peace of mind.
but he tolerates this, as much as he tolerates being manhandled despite absolutely disliking it. fyo is patient, he will bide his time with both men in this room, for different reasons.
now that chuuya has released him, fyo runs a hand through his hair smoothing the strands from said grip. where he stands, between chuuya and dazai and out of touch from both of them is a better strategic position. back still pressed against the wall, he is rather still because while chuuya can hit much harder that knee before still hurt. ]
I've never bitten you before, Dazai. [ deliberately he uses his thumb to wipe his mouth clean of chuuya's blood. it's fine, it was just a nibble. no real damage done.
but he will take invitations where he sees them, even if they are not. ]
We are all already here, let's compare.
[ a few steps taken towards dazai before he presses his mouth to dazai's neck, if allowed. look, this man does not care, it's not like it's a secret that a lot of the pliancy fyodor demonstrates stems directly from his relationship with dazai. pushing their boundaries means he's not out there pushing for the end of the world, or whatever. ]
[It takes a second. He's still recovering from being groped in front of Dazai, and the knowledge that Dazai definitely knows now. That bastard always picks up on these things, even when there's no way to pick up on it, especially when it's something he can use to make fun of Chuuya later, and Chuuya is already regretting so many decisions, current and past.
And he's still worried about the rat's Ability, so at first he just thinks that Dazai is suggesting they'd both die, if Chuuya tried anything, because his Ability would work as a backlash. It's not until the Chuuhuahua comment that it sinks in.]
I'm not your damn pet.
[Anger is immediately bursting through the surface. It's not the same kind of anger from earlier, though, this one is more defensive, embarrassed.]
I should hang you back up.
[Even if Dazai did also compliment him, technically. He rubs at the back of his neck, winces when he accidentally rubs at the bitemark, and then just stares at Dostoevsky walks over to Dazai. He's not sure if he should be jealous. No, that's insane, he's not jealous, he really doesn't give a shit.
[Don't throw around your lack of biting Dazai as a complaint, when it was your own choice to refrain! Maybe Dazai shouldn't have corrected Fyodor like that when refusing a bite from Fyodor might have made him look better in front of Chuuya... but he does so anyway, because who honestly needs to try impressing Chuuya when Chuuya is so easy to impress? Honestly, only angering him is easier.
Q.E.D.
In spite of saying what he just did, Dazai might still refuse Fyodor if he had a good reason to... but he doesn't really, so why would he? It's just a bite, and rats do seem like the type to eat absolutely anything, so there's no shame in being on the same menu as Chuuya. Dazai does have all those bandages, however! Fyodor will have to bite high.
Dazai probably won't react much, unless Fyodor really goes for the kill. Or unless things take too long and Dazai decides it would be amusing to act seriously hurt just to freak out Chuuya - but considering Chuuya is already homicidal, he'll probably have to refrain for now.]
[ a mutter, only for dazai's ears: ] Always with the pet names, Dazai. You might give people the wrong idea. [ every situation he knows how to make worse, he has ideas in his mind, a reflection of scenarios dazai surely shares in. there are nuances between them, the shades of grey that colour their respective worlds but they are birds of a feather; what fun would it be to simply tear the skin here? he's not hungry though the utter apathy aimlessness is causing him tempts him.
the tip of his tongue along the curve of dazai's jawline, slowly moving downward and ending where the bandages start. open mouth and deliberate, his teeth close down on the bandage and he pulls lightly before letting it go. up, up, his tongue trails, beneath the jawline and he nips.
chuuya and dazai, however are two different beasts who hide their soft underbellies in distinct manners. dazai's is harder to find, even harder to pierce but chuuya's is difficult to touch if only because his ability is overwhelmingly powerful and unpredictable. ]
Ah, I wonder which one of you will try to kill me first. [ because it would be one of them, at the end of all things, who would try to deal the final blow before fyodor completed his plans.
perhaps gogol, but the clown has been silent lately. most likely occupied with terrorising sigma and the world in his pursuit of free will. ] Just don't hang me upside, godling. Be quick about it when you decide to do it.
[Chuuya continues to watch them, not sure if he should be disgusted or horrified, though he's definitely not surprised. Maybe he didn't have to worry about Dazai finding out, if Dazai was doing the exact same thing.
He's never allowed himself to feel jealous, and he's not about to start now. Not when he knows what his responsibilities are, and these two are both his enemies. He keeps towels on a bench near the door, to wipe sweat when he's working out in here, and he walks over there now, cleans rat blood off his blade to protect it.]
Don't worry, you don't deserve that effort. Besides, I can just wait for the two of you kill each other.
[He's going to push past them like he's about to leave the room, though at the last second he's going to flip his knife around so that the handle is turned towards the two of them, like an offer. Go ahead, take it. Stab each other.
They only have a few seconds to grab it, and it's first come first serve. Otherwise, he's going to bring his knife and go find himself a bottle of wine.]
[It's probably not right, to be honest: if nothing else, the relationship (such as it is) between Dazai and Fyodor is more complicated than the usual patterns that humanity tends to expect. But is it truly wrong, when the average relationship is at least as fake, and Dazai does have a certain level of fondness for the rat? Not in a healthy way, no, but there's a mutual attraction that is not just physical. Most people would call that love! (And Dazai would laugh in their faces - but a fondness, there is.)
And yet when it comes to talk of killing, Dazai just smirks darkly, if a bit mockingly. Chuuya may be technically capable of killing Fyodor, but then Fyodor has to let him, and Dazai has to let him - and Chuuya has to want to, too. Some of those necessary conditions are merely unlikely, but others are outright impossible.
It will be Dazai. Whether they'll go together or not, Dazai insists it will be him. This doesn't quite add to the experience of Fyodor biting him, but it doesn't detract from it, either.
Chuuya's knife is halfway expected, and Dazai is at a better angle, so he grabs it, flips it between his fingers, and sends it flying at the door. It's not nearly as effective as a lock, of course, but hopefully Chuuya will get the message that he's not supposed to leave.
Still, just in case he doesn't:]
Can't you imagine what we'll do your place if you leave now, Chuuya?
[Not that Chuuya hadn't stopped himself from leaving for the moment, anyway, but his (would-be) intention had been clear.]
Disgustingly wrong. [ dostoevsky replies, the minor height difference between himself and dazai forcing him to tilt his head upward, amethyst eyes luminous— sentimentally revolting, affection opens its yearning mouth and basks in this cruel, cruel bind between dazai and himself. their erratic behaviour, nonsensical plays, the fucking and the not fucking— the moments like this where dazai could very well turn and kill fyodor (not without consequence, no but he could be lethal to dostoevsky and that makes it all the more interesting).
chuuya's observation that he need only wait until the two killed one another is not a bad strategy. and yet, the appreciation of knowing that dazai is not going to let anyone else kill him is the kindest thing he's been offered in a long, long time. a wish never made granted.
a shift in attention as the knife embeds itself on the door and dostoevsky fucking laughs. ] Yes, it would be unwise to leave now, godling.
[Chuuya doesn't know what that conversation is about. He doesn't care. It's between the two of them, and he's half convinced they've made sure he's missed just enough not to understand, because they both know it would annoy him.
He honestly had been planning to leave, but that knife cuts him off, cuts off the idea, makes his legs freeze in place like the sharp blade was a direct order as much as a threat. It makes his pulse jump immediately, eyes going wide, too obvious. It's a good thing he'd turned away when it happens. There's also no way he would have needed either of them to say anything to know what it means.
He turns back towards them with a glare, trying to cover up his own reaction.
(He leaves the knife in the door. In his mind, it's theirs now.)]
Then stop being so damn annoying to put up with.
[It's weak, especially when he's clearly not going anywhere. He takes a step towards them again, head tilted back so he can look up at them both, waiting to see what they'll do.]
Actually seeing the two of you together is even worse than expected.
[Already, Chuuya seems to have forgotten all about why he'd dragged Dazai here in the first place, and that alone is a victory, if a small one. Let him remember much later, and get annoyed with himself more than Dazai; that sounds like a plan.
There's more Dazai should do, probably, but he's kind of comfortable like this, not kissing Fyodor but enjoying the possibility of it, his hands sliding ever so gently over Fyodor's overly thin sides, his hips... Yes, Dazai is absolutely trying to see if Fyodor has something on him that he doesn't want in this game - but touching like this is expected anyway, right?
But what to do about Chuuya, when Fyodor is the bigger risk, and the more pleasant company to boot? Chuuya is lovely to play with, and Dazai wants to involve him, but with Chuuya always determined to be so rude (which is definitely, 100% something an asshole like Dazai can comment on), the desire to put any effort into him stays pretty low.]
Then how about you close your eyes?
[Since they're so terrible to witness, and everything!
Having looked at Chuuya with a confident tilt of his head, Dazai turns his attention back to Fyodor, giving him a look that's as much a suggestion as a question. Whatever shall they do about the Chuuhuahua? Blindfolding Chuuya would be extremely justified, after that comment of his, but it might also make it a little too easy. Besides, Dazai had been playing with Chuuya for years now; while it's clear that Fyodor has, as well (and that's a little annoying, but less so now that they're all together), Dazai can only assume that his experience is more limited. Maybe Fyodor has a wish list regarding what to do with Chuuya?
Yes, rat, you can use Dazai's toys - for now, and now that you have his permission. But do try not to break them.]
[ in the grand scheme of things, in which people are but insignificant parts of, the three individuals in this room are a rarity. yes, in many aspects but in one in particular: they are not insignificant in said grand scheme. whether by luck or intellect, raw ability or manipulation, the scales of the world are forced off course by their actions and fate is brought to heel.
as dazai's hands skim along his sides, fyodor's body follows in delicate, slow movements to facilitate the search. a snake undulating under the sway of its charmer, performing for the crowd— no concealed weapons beyond the customary scalpel he keeps up his sleeve. lethal only in its ability to surprise, in this present company and circumstance it would not cause death. his fingers curl around the lapel of dazai's beige overcoat, and one hand moves to run his thumb along the cut made by chuuya's knife in his earlier wall stunt. dull red and plentiful— staining the collar of his shirt and giving no signs of stopping just yet. ]
No, [ fyodor turns to chuuya ] I think he should watch, he shouldn't be allowed to look away. [ playing nicely is fine by dostoevsky, chuuya is a long term project and showing some deference to dazai's request is utterly sincere. dazai and him have their arrangements, their agreements and not-promises-promises promised.
what he is curious is to see dazai and chuuya, to try and dissect the dynamics in their entirety, then feast on that. whether it is chuuya's expressions while observing them or fyodor with the infuriating smile staring at the other two it doesn't matter. each action yields knowledge.
his blood-stained thumb is brought up to his mouth, fyodor curling his tongue around the familiar taste; he keeps his gaze trained on chuuya as if to say look what you did. then, without preamble, he offers the same digit now spit and blood stained against dazai's lips. ]
[Chuuya hasn't forgotten about Dazai's punishment. He changed priorities the second Dostoevsky arrived, decided to let it go, because Dazai wouldn't understand his point anyway, and there was a new threat. He hasn't forgiven him, either, but nothing between the two of them has ever been properly resolved. It's what holds them together.
He's glancing between the two of them as they speak, still looking angry, but he --
He hesitates. His arm twitches like he wants to reach forward, and then he stops himself. They both know from experience that when Chuuya wants to do something, he rarely holds himself back unless he has good reason to. He can be obedient - can be made to be obedient - but they haven't actually given him reason to be yet. Any other time, he'd be grabbing one of them.
There's two of them now. He's actually not sure if he should do it.]
Why should I?
[To either option. Pick one, and try to convince him.
And then he moves anyway. He's annoyed at himself for his own hesitation, so even though it might be a bad idea, he's going to step up close, get up on tiptoe, and lean in. He's going to lick right across that cut he left on the rat, tasting blood, smearing his lips red.
(But he'll be easy to push off for once, if they try.)]
[Ah... It looks like Dazai is going to be made to do some work here, after all. Well, in this particular setting, with enough new variables to play with, he doesn't mind too much. He just likes to aim low!
Like, Chuuya-low, apparently. He's still not going to try convincing Chuuya with words, though, because he knows there are easier ways: he may as well save his breath.
But first, he parts his lips to invite Fyodor's thumb into his mouth, bodily fluids be damned, and wrap his tongue around it before closing his lips again and gently sucking. What honestly even counts as "gross" between them anymore? They're both way beyond such simple concepts.
Fyodor is free to do what he wants, but Dazai sees no reason to push Chuuya away: they're here to do this together, after all. Instead, Dazai finishes his slow suck of Fyodor's thumb, holding Fyodor's wrist as he does... and, if Fyodor allows, moving it over to Chuuya afterwards, using the moist but now blood-free thumb to offer some gentle corrections to the outline of the blood now on Chuuya's lips.
And maybe to smudge it a bit at the ends, on second thought, because that honestly works even better.]
You look so good in lipstick, Chuuya.
[Under other circumstances, he might be joking, but now, the only "joke" is in his choice of words. Chuuya really does look good.]
[ softness blooms, frail and pallid between them the moment dazai parts his mouth willingly; the split second it is visible, a shroud and then fyodor is neatly tucking it away, not crushed or tossed but simply kept away from the moment. dazai is not like others, a leeway that allows fyodor to become deceptively docile under his fingers. not complacent, no but allowing for flexibility— a space for dazai to push the ever-erased boundaries between them. what is blood and spit, bile and semen between them when their souls are the true issue? they're going to need a moment later to sit down and parse this event— dissecting it to fully understand the repercussions.
violence surges in place of that fleeting softness when he feels chuuya's warm mouth on his throat, tongue on papery skin, blood welling under the pressure. a quiet hum of acknowledgement that on any other would be a hiss, and dostoevsky looks at chuuya, always always always keeping his attention on what he is. the human shell is pretty, the red smeared by dazai's careful direction of his hand— a joint collaboration to drag this godling into this.
but also not because fyodor understands twin dark and its practicality, its lethality and how it wrecked destruction on him and his plans. the emotional ties are clear in their complexity, a structure that he can logically accept but not feel. everything inside him is muted in comparison to the utter passion normal people seem to exhibit. even sigma, in all his perfection, seems to succumb to that.
another hum, in agreement with dazai's assessment this time. fyodor uses his free hand, untangling it from dazai's coat to wrap fingers on chuuya's belt and pull him closer. meanwhile, his mouth sets lightly on the corner of dazai's, mocking in its affection, a reminder of the dangerous thing both dazai and chuuya have allowed to curl at the foot of their respective beds. ]
[The compliment gives him a sharp spike of embarrassment, but none of the anger that would usually follow. Because he knows it's a compliment, and he knows he looks good, so even though it's half mocking, that half will slide right off. Besides, they're inviting him in. He hadn't been sure if they would.
He lets them decorate his lips as they want, and then catches the rat's thumb between his teeth, grinning around it, a challenge and a threat. And then he lets Dostoevsky pull him closer.
He steps in between them, close enough to feel the warmth of their bodies. It's annoying to be reminded of how much shorter he is - it's even more annoying because he wants to lean up to kiss Dazai, too, but if Dazai doesn't lean down for him, he'd have to yank him down. And the rat isn't much shorter, so that's not an option either.
His teeth bite a little harder into that thumb for just a second, and then release it.]
Should he be the only one not bleeding?
[The question is directed at Dostoevsky, as he turns towards Dazai, half in between them now. He reaches up to wrap one hand around Dazai's throat, in a mock chokehold that could easily become real.]
it's not smart to collapse on the ground when any pillows there were just eaten
[Reminders of how dangerous Fyodor is are rarely necessary, but somehow that makes them more welcome rather than less so, feeling like a parody because of, not in spite of, the inherent truth of the matter. How different, then, is Chuuya showing his teeth - not because the danger he poses is any less real, but because the nature of his danger and his chosen method of showing it are equally fitting, yet a completely different style. If Chuuya is a photograph showing a brutal reality in gruesome detail, Fyodor show the same as a painting full of symbolism, just barely hinting at the horrors that are about to play out, already inevitably set into motion. And yet, here and now, both styles work equally well.
How lovely to see them together like this... For all his foresight, Dazai wouldn't have expected the situation to be so satisfying - yet here they are. Almost, he wonders if this is anything like what Mori saw in him and Chuuya all those years ago. ... Maybe, considering the nature of this encounter, it's better not to think too hard on that. It's not as if Dazai is planning any team-ups here, anyway (and he doesn't trust either of these men to behave as he wants without additional motivation) - but for here and now, for tonight, he's starting to get high hopes.
Until Chuuya acts up again, of course. Oh well - that, too, is part of his art.]
You got a head start on me already, Chuuya.
[Bleeding or not, clearly that means Dazai's turn to be punished is already over? That only makes sense! Or not, but of course Dazai will try to get out of worse at least this much. He doesn't resist Chuuya's hand on his throat, though.]
[ part of him yearns for the privacy of one-on-one; in this frail equilibrium for the other two to turn on him is always a possibility of varying degrees. rather than turning him off completely, dostoevsky finds the challenge entertaining even if its nature is an unusual one, requiring physical intimacy rather than the edges of blades and barrels of guns. but there is something fyodor knows, and he suspects dazai must be aware of it too— he is playing half-heartedly, after all in this scenario chuuya would back up dazai if anything gets out of hand; in turn he is also almost certain dazai would protect chuuya if the roles were reversed. interesting enough, fyodor himself finds disappointment in this— as if he is falling short somewhere along the mark required to give in and give in entirely.
and having been subject to chuuya's knee to his stomach a few minutes ago, he's certain the angry red is blooming purple and tomorrow will look an angry bright purple mixed with green. fyodor hates being marked physically without some semblance of consent - being hit is not a thing that brings him pleasure, even if it had been part of something else and not a threat to his life.
chuuya's teeth on his thumb make his eyes flutter because yes, that does feel good. he takes the opportunity to swoop in closer towards chuuya, the same sort of kiss planted on the corner of his mouth that he had just bestowed upon dazai moments before. less affectionate, no underlying messages in the gesture. ]
How should we make our dearest darling Dazai bleed? [ then, taking advantage of the hand that has been on his wrist, fyodor switches. one hand remains loosely hooked on the edge of chuuya's pants, and the saliva-coated one grasps dazai's instead and brings his palm up to fyodor's mouth.
an open mouth kiss. the press of teeth. they'd spoken of this once, the biting, the feeding, the tearing of flesh— back then the acceptance of dazai to said game had felt like a ploy for distraction, an attempt to buy time and fyodor had felt despondent for a brief minute. he is a creature of war and violence, tenderness tends to be lost on him.
chuuya's hand on dazai's neck makes him shiver in anticipation, the promise of the grip tightening and the face dazai would make... ]
[Chuuya looks surprised at the gentle kiss. Surprised and confused, like he'd been ready for anything but that. Someone like him is always expecting violence. He would have wanted it to last longer.
But this is still their game. There's a lot that's not being said here, and Chuuya can catch the way they look at each other even if he doesn't understand every meaning. They're still having conversations without him. His earlier jealousy has faded though, because he's here now, and it's not like he has any intention of letting them forget that, of letting them underestimate him.]
Don't call him that.
[Ours, he means. The rat can call Dazai whatever disgusting pet name he likes, as long as he doesn't include Chuuya in it.]
I never wanted any claim to him.
[He's still looking at Dazai as he says it, tone disgusted. His grip tightens for a second, enough to be a threat, a reminder that Chuuya is more than strong enough to do it... And then his hand twists, and instead he rakes his nails downwards until they hit bandages, leaving a trail of red marks. There's no blood now, but all it would take is a little more strength.
His grin is back at the threat of violence, a show he likes to put on. Maybe he should take back his knife, instead of leaving it in the door, because he doubts they'd stop him. Chuuya is the one who decided he couldn't.]
Should I make both of you match? Isn't that what you want?
[Oh..? Fyodor seemingly bringing back the topic of cannibalism, if only in some small way, tickles Dazai's curiosity - not so much for the action itself, as for the unsatisfying way that conversation had ended. What, then, is different now? This feels a little bit like forgiveness granted to him by Fyodor, and while that is an absurd notion on several levels, Dazai finds it still pleases him... except for the fact that Chuuya is here. As inclined to violence as Chuuya is, Dazai isn't sure if including him in the darker games between Fyodor and him is a good idea.
But then, maybe that's mostly because he's not sure he should risk that much vulnerability in front of both these people... and arguably it's also because he knows that even Chuuya might not survive their games, if they went all out. (It's funny how Chuuya is so very predictable, but when it comes to Fyodor and Dazai's intricate chess games, Chuuya would definitely be a loose cannon. (But on their current level, it's probably fine..?))]
Nor did you ever have any, Chuuya.
[Just sayin'. Dazai doesn't especially want a claim on you, either, but the reverse? That's outright laughable.
Dazai doesn't respond at all when his throat is briefly constricted, confident that he can handle it, and determined to show exactly how worried he isn't about the outcome. When Chuuya scratches him, though, he hisses, though he tries to end the sound as more of a bored sigh. Pain-wise, it was hardly impressive, but it was unexpected, and a sharp kind of pain: a response was just inevitable.]
Don't be disgusting.
[About the matching, he means. That's gross. They match enough on the inside, and Dazai isn't sure he likes that, even though he also enjoys it.]
Maybe we should hoist you up, Chuuya. Wouldn't you like to be high up for a change?
[Ah... It seems like Dazai is actually a little annoyed about the scratching and/or the suggestion that he matches Fyodor somehow. Go figure.]
[ questions of owning and ownership, possessing and possession— he lies in bed at night and feels the hands of all of those crime and punishment has owned and dispatched— not nightmares, mere accompaniment during the intermissions between one set of plans and another. dazai's palm is pressed more insistently against his mouth, no threat of bites and blood. an answer and concession for dazai: not their kind of violence, no, not here where chuuya's presence could escalate things in ways neither one could predict nor control. ]
We have no desire to match. [ dostoevsky smiles against the palm before he lets both of them go, hands falling neatly by his side. ] That we do match in certain ways is out of our control, it simply is the nature of how God made us. Matching intellects. Making sure there was someone walking on this earth that could provide a challenge. [ this is as close to an explanation as he comes, for chuuya's benefit and perhaps to placate things before both of them end up hoisted up by chuuya's ability.
hanging upside down would render him unconscious and he will not permit that level of violence against his person.
still, that denial of claim... dostoevsky thinks, amused, that it is something wanted. still yearned for. dazai seeking to fill the hole, chuuya seeking connection. the hypothesis is not certain, belief and truth are not always in accordance but dostoevsky feels, rare as that is, a weathered warmth. like frostbitten fingers held over the fire, no sensation until it hits all at once. aching, trembling, vulnerable. ]
Don't you worry, Godling, darling Dazai and I are too different to ever fully match. You need not look so disgusted at the prospect. The same goes for you, Dazai.
[ he is not even offended about these things, however ownership... well matching is not a requirement for such attachments. the people dostoevsky has owned (and it goes one way and one way only) are vastly different, unmatching. ]
[Dazai's hiss is satisfying. Chuuya looks incredibly pleased with himself, just for a second, because knowing he can still force reactions out of Dazai might make the rest of this worth it, no matter how annoying these two get. And he's definitely annoyed at the current topic.]
You're like a cheap knock off version.
[The two of them, he means, and no, he won't specify who is the knock off version here. They both are.
And he doesn't even think they're that similar. They have a few annoying traits in common, but there's definitely more about them that's different than not. As much as he hates to think about it, he's known Dazai for years now, he knows him, as much as it's possible to, he's seen sides of Dazai that he doesn't usually show, which means it's going to take a lot more than just this to impress him. And the damn rat is... A different kind of problem, anyway.
Which is in no way a reason not to piss them off about it. Or at least piss off Dazai about it, since the rat doesn't seem to care.]
Obviously you've been comparing.
[He says it like: You've been having a dick measuring contest. And then he grins, dropping the subject, because he was only ever going to put up with that for so long.]
You couldn't get me up there, dimwit. And this rat -- [he jerks his head towards Dostoevsky.] -- can't help when he can barely carry his own body.
[Wow, excuse you, obviously Fyodor is the knock-off?! He might just be older (it really is impossible to say, with people like them), but since Chuuya has known Dazai longer, clearly Dazai can only be the original.
So he'll just smile at Fyodor, ever so slightly. Haha, his pet chuuhuahua (whom he does not actually own, of course) insulted you~!
It's a brief moment of petty (and largely exaggerated) self-satisfaction, before his smile blossoms into something more genuine - and if Dazai looks halfway like a love-struck girl right about now, that's because they have been having a dick measuring contest, except it was brains rather than dicks, and oh boy was that a thrill!! That Dazai won that particular battle (not expected to be the end of the war) is honestly secondary to the pure pleasure of being able to play on his own level.
... But winning was still damn satisfying, actually.]
For all your complaining about us, you're still the one who keeps seeking us out, Chuuya.
[Probably not a good thing, where Fyodor is involved. But the less said (or even thought) about that, the better. Dazai doesn't care about Chuuya, after all. If there's a hole he needs filling - purely theoretically! - Chuuya is still 25 centimeters short!
Dazai turns to Fyodor, emphatically, deliberately. The opportunity to mock Chuuya is his main goal, here, but if he happens to get some intel in the process, so much the better.]
Don't you find him far too needy, Fedya? You could stick anything into him and it wouldn't be enough.
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too small, not very tasty, likely to give you indigestion... yeah, sure sounds like him!
But it's already escalated, and it keeps escalating further, and as easy as it would be to force a truce, if not accomplish actual peace, when both Fyodor and Chuuya are basically putting him on the spot, Dazai loses all interest in doing so. Does he really want them to kill each other? No. But he's already had a shitty time, and the last thing he wants is to put actual effort into stopping not just one, but two murder machines.]
... Don't wanna.
[And with that, he stops touching Chuuya and Fyodor both, and turns his back to walk away, stretching a particularly painful arm that got the rough end of his crash landing on a rat. He turns the movement into a half-assed wave on his supposed way out.]
If you want to, go ahead~
[Maybe it's a clever ploy to give them a common enemy, instead of killing each other.
Maybe he's just super lazy, and also wouldn't mind the attention.
Maybe all of the above! Picking only one option is for losers, anyway.]
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the blow to his stomach will bruise; aches, now despite the way he stares dully at chuuya, hair fisted. ah, fyo thinks abstractly, that if he were to die here it would be pretty interesting. would chuuya snap his neck? or slam him on the floor until all his bones broke? not wanting or wanting to die has nothing to do with this train of morbid thoughts. his mind always does this, unfolding before his eyes a variety of futures, all possible and unlikely in their individual ways.
dostoevsky's bloodied mouth smiles up at chuuya, tendons in his neck protesting at the angle he's being held. the dullness recedes like the tide, replaced quickly by invitation. if dazai is done playing here, fyodor is happy to fill in -not upside down, no, but there are many ways to skin a cat. or a shear a sheep, as the case may be.
his hands are free, up close like this he slides a palm along the edge of chuuya's pants, stopping very deliberately in the middle, thumb playing with the zipper before dostoevsky stills again.
and really, he's not willing to give dazai any crumbs after he'd just so very rudely left him to die at chuuya's hands. ]
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He doesn't make another move, not yet. He pulls his knife back a fraction, and waits to see what might happen, ready to react, to counterattack, to crush him with Tainted if he decides to kill Chuuya now.
He wasn't prepared for that.
Now, Chuuya actually freezes, eyes going wide with surprise and clear horror as he feels that hand on his crotch. Dazai can't see this. Dazai can't find out. And the worst part is, he kind of wants it.
Chuuya jumps back fast, making sure to keep his back to Dazai. He's blushing.]
Dazai, if you're leaving, take your damn rat with you.
[This is bad in a completely different way now.]
I won't kill your pet this time.
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Still, while he may slow down almost imperceptibly, he takes another step, and another, because he shouldn't feel anything, surely? So why would he bother to? His old conclusion that anything worth having is lost to him the moment he obtains it can clearly only affect him if he acknowledges said "anything" as worth having in the first place.
He does, however, come to a stop when Chuuya calls out to him.]
I know you won't, Chuuya. You're not into suicide, after all.
[Let that one sink in for a moment, why don't you? Or don't, and realize what he meant a little later.
Siiiiiiiiiigh okaaaay Dazai is doing this, he guesses. How dare you both make him do a thing, to be honest?! He turns around, looking at Fyodor, his voice and expression both extremely bored.]
Fyo-chan, could you not enrage the Chuuhuahua? I know he's tempting to poke at, but I promise you his bite is worse than yours.
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but he tolerates this, as much as he tolerates being manhandled despite absolutely disliking it. fyo is patient, he will bide his time with both men in this room, for different reasons.
now that chuuya has released him, fyo runs a hand through his hair smoothing the strands from said grip. where he stands, between chuuya and dazai and out of touch from both of them is a better strategic position. back still pressed against the wall, he is rather still because while chuuya can hit much harder that knee before still hurt. ]
I've never bitten you before, Dazai. [ deliberately he uses his thumb to wipe his mouth clean of chuuya's blood. it's fine, it was just a nibble. no real damage done.
but he will take invitations where he sees them, even if they are not. ]
We are all already here, let's compare.
[ a few steps taken towards dazai before he presses his mouth to dazai's neck, if allowed. look, this man does not care, it's not like it's a secret that a lot of the pliancy fyodor demonstrates stems directly from his relationship with dazai. pushing their boundaries means he's not out there pushing for the end of the world, or whatever. ]
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And he's still worried about the rat's Ability, so at first he just thinks that Dazai is suggesting they'd both die, if Chuuya tried anything, because his Ability would work as a backlash. It's not until the Chuuhuahua comment that it sinks in.]
I'm not your damn pet.
[Anger is immediately bursting through the surface. It's not the same kind of anger from earlier, though, this one is more defensive, embarrassed.]
I should hang you back up.
[Even if Dazai did also compliment him, technically. He rubs at the back of his neck, winces when he accidentally rubs at the bitemark, and then just stares at Dostoevsky walks over to Dazai. He's not sure if he should be jealous. No, that's insane, he's not jealous, he really doesn't give a shit.
It's definitely too much all at once.]
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[Don't throw around your lack of biting Dazai as a complaint, when it was your own choice to refrain! Maybe Dazai shouldn't have corrected Fyodor like that when refusing a bite from Fyodor might have made him look better in front of Chuuya... but he does so anyway, because who honestly needs to try impressing Chuuya when Chuuya is so easy to impress? Honestly, only angering him is easier.
Q.E.D.
In spite of saying what he just did, Dazai might still refuse Fyodor if he had a good reason to... but he doesn't really, so why would he? It's just a bite, and rats do seem like the type to eat absolutely anything, so there's no shame in being on the same menu as Chuuya. Dazai does have all those bandages, however! Fyodor will have to bite high.
Dazai probably won't react much, unless Fyodor really goes for the kill. Or unless things take too long and Dazai decides it would be amusing to act seriously hurt just to freak out Chuuya - but considering Chuuya is already homicidal, he'll probably have to refrain for now.]
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the tip of his tongue along the curve of dazai's jawline, slowly moving downward and ending where the bandages start. open mouth and deliberate, his teeth close down on the bandage and he pulls lightly before letting it go. up, up, his tongue trails, beneath the jawline and he nips.
chuuya and dazai, however are two different beasts who hide their soft underbellies in distinct manners. dazai's is harder to find, even harder to pierce but chuuya's is difficult to touch if only because his ability is overwhelmingly powerful and unpredictable. ]
Ah, I wonder which one of you will try to kill me first. [ because it would be one of them, at the end of all things, who would try to deal the final blow before fyodor completed his plans.
perhaps gogol, but the clown has been silent lately. most likely occupied with terrorising sigma and the world in his pursuit of free will. ] Just don't hang me upside, godling. Be quick about it when you decide to do it.
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He's never allowed himself to feel jealous, and he's not about to start now. Not when he knows what his responsibilities are, and these two are both his enemies. He keeps towels on a bench near the door, to wipe sweat when he's working out in here, and he walks over there now, cleans rat blood off his blade to protect it.]
Don't worry, you don't deserve that effort. Besides, I can just wait for the two of you kill each other.
[He's going to push past them like he's about to leave the room, though at the last second he's going to flip his knife around so that the handle is turned towards the two of them, like an offer. Go ahead, take it. Stab each other.
They only have a few seconds to grab it, and it's first come first serve. Otherwise, he's going to bring his knife and go find himself a bottle of wine.]
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[It's probably not right, to be honest: if nothing else, the relationship (such as it is) between Dazai and Fyodor is more complicated than the usual patterns that humanity tends to expect. But is it truly wrong, when the average relationship is at least as fake, and Dazai does have a certain level of fondness for the rat? Not in a healthy way, no, but there's a mutual attraction that is not just physical. Most people would call that love! (And Dazai would laugh in their faces - but a fondness, there is.)
And yet when it comes to talk of killing, Dazai just smirks darkly, if a bit mockingly. Chuuya may be technically capable of killing Fyodor, but then Fyodor has to let him, and Dazai has to let him - and Chuuya has to want to, too. Some of those necessary conditions are merely unlikely, but others are outright impossible.
It will be Dazai. Whether they'll go together or not, Dazai insists it will be him. This doesn't quite add to the experience of Fyodor biting him, but it doesn't detract from it, either.
Chuuya's knife is halfway expected, and Dazai is at a better angle, so he grabs it, flips it between his fingers, and sends it flying at the door. It's not nearly as effective as a lock, of course, but hopefully Chuuya will get the message that he's not supposed to leave.
Still, just in case he doesn't:]
Can't you imagine what we'll do your place if you leave now, Chuuya?
[Not that Chuuya hadn't stopped himself from leaving for the moment, anyway, but his (would-be) intention had been clear.]
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chuuya's observation that he need only wait until the two killed one another is not a bad strategy. and yet, the appreciation of knowing that dazai is not going to let anyone else kill him is the kindest thing he's been offered in a long, long time. a wish never made granted.
a shift in attention as the knife embeds itself on the door and dostoevsky fucking laughs. ] Yes, it would be unwise to leave now, godling.
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He honestly had been planning to leave, but that knife cuts him off, cuts off the idea, makes his legs freeze in place like the sharp blade was a direct order as much as a threat. It makes his pulse jump immediately, eyes going wide, too obvious. It's a good thing he'd turned away when it happens. There's also no way he would have needed either of them to say anything to know what it means.
He turns back towards them with a glare, trying to cover up his own reaction.
(He leaves the knife in the door. In his mind, it's theirs now.)]
Then stop being so damn annoying to put up with.
[It's weak, especially when he's clearly not going anywhere. He takes a step towards them again, head tilted back so he can look up at them both, waiting to see what they'll do.]
Actually seeing the two of you together is even worse than expected.
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There's more Dazai should do, probably, but he's kind of comfortable like this, not kissing Fyodor but enjoying the possibility of it, his hands sliding ever so gently over Fyodor's overly thin sides, his hips... Yes, Dazai is absolutely trying to see if Fyodor has something on him that he doesn't want in this game - but touching like this is expected anyway, right?
But what to do about Chuuya, when Fyodor is the bigger risk, and the more pleasant company to boot? Chuuya is lovely to play with, and Dazai wants to involve him, but with Chuuya always determined to be so rude (which is definitely, 100% something an asshole like Dazai can comment on), the desire to put any effort into him stays pretty low.]
Then how about you close your eyes?
[Since they're so terrible to witness, and everything!
Having looked at Chuuya with a confident tilt of his head, Dazai turns his attention back to Fyodor, giving him a look that's as much a suggestion as a question. Whatever shall they do about the Chuuhuahua? Blindfolding Chuuya would be extremely justified, after that comment of his, but it might also make it a little too easy. Besides, Dazai had been playing with Chuuya for years now; while it's clear that Fyodor has, as well (and that's a little annoying, but less so now that they're all together), Dazai can only assume that his experience is more limited. Maybe Fyodor has a wish list regarding what to do with Chuuya?
Yes, rat, you can use Dazai's toys - for now, and now that you have his permission. But do try not to break them.]
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as dazai's hands skim along his sides, fyodor's body follows in delicate, slow movements to facilitate the search. a snake undulating under the sway of its charmer, performing for the crowd— no concealed weapons beyond the customary scalpel he keeps up his sleeve. lethal only in its ability to surprise, in this present company and circumstance it would not cause death. his fingers curl around the lapel of dazai's beige overcoat, and one hand moves to run his thumb along the cut made by chuuya's knife in his earlier wall stunt. dull red and plentiful— staining the collar of his shirt and giving no signs of stopping just yet. ]
No, [ fyodor turns to chuuya ] I think he should watch, he shouldn't be allowed to look away. [ playing nicely is fine by dostoevsky, chuuya is a long term project and showing some deference to dazai's request is utterly sincere. dazai and him have their arrangements, their agreements and not-promises-promises promised.
what he is curious is to see dazai and chuuya, to try and dissect the dynamics in their entirety, then feast on that. whether it is chuuya's expressions while observing them or fyodor with the infuriating smile staring at the other two it doesn't matter. each action yields knowledge.
his blood-stained thumb is brought up to his mouth, fyodor curling his tongue around the familiar taste; he keeps his gaze trained on chuuya as if to say look what you did. then, without preamble, he offers the same digit now spit and blood stained against dazai's lips. ]
i have been destroyed
He's glancing between the two of them as they speak, still looking angry, but he --
He hesitates. His arm twitches like he wants to reach forward, and then he stops himself. They both know from experience that when Chuuya wants to do something, he rarely holds himself back unless he has good reason to. He can be obedient - can be made to be obedient - but they haven't actually given him reason to be yet. Any other time, he'd be grabbing one of them.
There's two of them now. He's actually not sure if he should do it.]
Why should I?
[To either option. Pick one, and try to convince him.
And then he moves anyway. He's annoyed at himself for his own hesitation, so even though it might be a bad idea, he's going to step up close, get up on tiptoe, and lean in. He's going to lick right across that cut he left on the rat, tasting blood, smearing his lips red.
(But he'll be easy to push off for once, if they try.)]
just the way you like it
Like, Chuuya-low, apparently. He's still not going to try convincing Chuuya with words, though, because he knows there are easier ways: he may as well save his breath.
But first, he parts his lips to invite Fyodor's thumb into his mouth, bodily fluids be damned, and wrap his tongue around it before closing his lips again and gently sucking. What honestly even counts as "gross" between them anymore? They're both way beyond such simple concepts.
Fyodor is free to do what he wants, but Dazai sees no reason to push Chuuya away: they're here to do this together, after all. Instead, Dazai finishes his slow suck of Fyodor's thumb, holding Fyodor's wrist as he does... and, if Fyodor allows, moving it over to Chuuya afterwards, using the moist but now blood-free thumb to offer some gentle corrections to the outline of the blood now on Chuuya's lips.
And maybe to smudge it a bit at the ends, on second thought, because that honestly works even better.]
You look so good in lipstick, Chuuya.
[Under other circumstances, he might be joking, but now, the only "joke" is in his choice of words. Chuuya really does look good.]
excuse me while i eat an entire pillow
violence surges in place of that fleeting softness when he feels chuuya's warm mouth on his throat, tongue on papery skin, blood welling under the pressure. a quiet hum of acknowledgement that on any other would be a hiss, and dostoevsky looks at chuuya, always always always keeping his attention on what he is. the human shell is pretty, the red smeared by dazai's careful direction of his hand— a joint collaboration to drag this godling into this.
but also not because fyodor understands twin dark and its practicality, its lethality and how it wrecked destruction on him and his plans. the emotional ties are clear in their complexity, a structure that he can logically accept but not feel. everything inside him is muted in comparison to the utter passion normal people seem to exhibit. even sigma, in all his perfection, seems to succumb to that.
another hum, in agreement with dazai's assessment this time. fyodor uses his free hand, untangling it from dazai's coat to wrap fingers on chuuya's belt and pull him closer. meanwhile, his mouth sets lightly on the corner of dazai's, mocking in its affection, a reminder of the dangerous thing both dazai and chuuya have allowed to curl at the foot of their respective beds. ]
excuse me while i cOLLAPSE ON THE GROUND
He lets them decorate his lips as they want, and then catches the rat's thumb between his teeth, grinning around it, a challenge and a threat. And then he lets Dostoevsky pull him closer.
He steps in between them, close enough to feel the warmth of their bodies. It's annoying to be reminded of how much shorter he is - it's even more annoying because he wants to lean up to kiss Dazai, too, but if Dazai doesn't lean down for him, he'd have to yank him down. And the rat isn't much shorter, so that's not an option either.
His teeth bite a little harder into that thumb for just a second, and then release it.]
Should he be the only one not bleeding?
[The question is directed at Dostoevsky, as he turns towards Dazai, half in between them now. He reaches up to wrap one hand around Dazai's throat, in a mock chokehold that could easily become real.]
it's not smart to collapse on the ground when any pillows there were just eaten
How lovely to see them together like this... For all his foresight, Dazai wouldn't have expected the situation to be so satisfying - yet here they are. Almost, he wonders if this is anything like what Mori saw in him and Chuuya all those years ago.
... Maybe, considering the nature of this encounter, it's better not to think too hard on that. It's not as if Dazai is planning any team-ups here, anyway (and he doesn't trust either of these men to behave as he wants without additional motivation) - but for here and now, for tonight, he's starting to get high hopes.
Until Chuuya acts up again, of course. Oh well - that, too, is part of his art.]
You got a head start on me already, Chuuya.
[Bleeding or not, clearly that means Dazai's turn to be punished is already over? That only makes sense! Or not, but of course Dazai will try to get out of worse at least this much. He doesn't resist Chuuya's hand on his throat, though.]
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and having been subject to chuuya's knee to his stomach a few minutes ago, he's certain the angry red is blooming purple and tomorrow will look an angry bright purple mixed with green. fyodor hates being marked physically without some semblance of consent - being hit is not a thing that brings him pleasure, even if it had been part of something else and not a threat to his life.
chuuya's teeth on his thumb make his eyes flutter because yes, that does feel good. he takes the opportunity to swoop in closer towards chuuya, the same sort of kiss planted on the corner of his mouth that he had just bestowed upon dazai moments before. less affectionate, no underlying messages in the gesture. ]
How should we make our dearest darling Dazai bleed? [ then, taking advantage of the hand that has been on his wrist, fyodor switches. one hand remains loosely hooked on the edge of chuuya's pants, and the saliva-coated one grasps dazai's instead and brings his palm up to fyodor's mouth.
an open mouth kiss. the press of teeth. they'd spoken of this once, the biting, the feeding, the tearing of flesh— back then the acceptance of dazai to said game had felt like a ploy for distraction, an attempt to buy time and fyodor had felt despondent for a brief minute. he is a creature of war and violence, tenderness tends to be lost on him.
chuuya's hand on dazai's neck makes him shiver in anticipation, the promise of the grip tightening and the face dazai would make... ]
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But this is still their game. There's a lot that's not being said here, and Chuuya can catch the way they look at each other even if he doesn't understand every meaning. They're still having conversations without him. His earlier jealousy has faded though, because he's here now, and it's not like he has any intention of letting them forget that, of letting them underestimate him.]
Don't call him that.
[Ours, he means. The rat can call Dazai whatever disgusting pet name he likes, as long as he doesn't include Chuuya in it.]
I never wanted any claim to him.
[He's still looking at Dazai as he says it, tone disgusted. His grip tightens for a second, enough to be a threat, a reminder that Chuuya is more than strong enough to do it... And then his hand twists, and instead he rakes his nails downwards until they hit bandages, leaving a trail of red marks. There's no blood now, but all it would take is a little more strength.
His grin is back at the threat of violence, a show he likes to put on. Maybe he should take back his knife, instead of leaving it in the door, because he doubts they'd stop him. Chuuya is the one who decided he couldn't.]
Should I make both of you match? Isn't that what you want?
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But then, maybe that's mostly because he's not sure he should risk that much vulnerability in front of both these people... and arguably it's also because he knows that even Chuuya might not survive their games, if they went all out. (It's funny how Chuuya is so very predictable, but when it comes to Fyodor and Dazai's intricate chess games, Chuuya would definitely be a loose cannon. (But on their current level, it's probably fine..?))]
Nor did you ever have any, Chuuya.
[Just sayin'. Dazai doesn't especially want a claim on you, either, but the reverse? That's outright laughable.
Dazai doesn't respond at all when his throat is briefly constricted, confident that he can handle it, and determined to show exactly how worried he isn't about the outcome. When Chuuya scratches him, though, he hisses, though he tries to end the sound as more of a bored sigh. Pain-wise, it was hardly impressive, but it was unexpected, and a sharp kind of pain: a response was just inevitable.]
Don't be disgusting.
[About the matching, he means. That's gross. They match enough on the inside, and Dazai isn't sure he likes that, even though he also enjoys it.]
Maybe we should hoist you up, Chuuya. Wouldn't you like to be high up for a change?
[Ah... It seems like Dazai is actually a little annoyed about the scratching and/or the suggestion that he matches Fyodor somehow. Go figure.]
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We have no desire to match. [ dostoevsky smiles against the palm before he lets both of them go, hands falling neatly by his side. ] That we do match in certain ways is out of our control, it simply is the nature of how God made us. Matching intellects. Making sure there was someone walking on this earth that could provide a challenge. [ this is as close to an explanation as he comes, for chuuya's benefit and perhaps to placate things before both of them end up hoisted up by chuuya's ability.
hanging upside down would render him unconscious and he will not permit that level of violence against his person.
still, that denial of claim... dostoevsky thinks, amused, that it is something wanted. still yearned for. dazai seeking to fill the hole, chuuya seeking connection. the hypothesis is not certain, belief and truth are not always in accordance but dostoevsky feels, rare as that is, a weathered warmth. like frostbitten fingers held over the fire, no sensation until it hits all at once. aching, trembling, vulnerable. ]
Don't you worry, Godling, darling Dazai and I are too different to ever fully match. You need not look so disgusted at the prospect. The same goes for you, Dazai.
[ he is not even offended about these things, however ownership... well matching is not a requirement for such attachments. the people dostoevsky has owned (and it goes one way and one way only) are vastly different, unmatching. ]
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You're like a cheap knock off version.
[The two of them, he means, and no, he won't specify who is the knock off version here. They both are.
And he doesn't even think they're that similar. They have a few annoying traits in common, but there's definitely more about them that's different than not. As much as he hates to think about it, he's known Dazai for years now, he knows him, as much as it's possible to, he's seen sides of Dazai that he doesn't usually show, which means it's going to take a lot more than just this to impress him. And the damn rat is... A different kind of problem, anyway.
Which is in no way a reason not to piss them off about it. Or at least piss off Dazai about it, since the rat doesn't seem to care.]
Obviously you've been comparing.
[He says it like: You've been having a dick measuring contest. And then he grins, dropping the subject, because he was only ever going to put up with that for so long.]
You couldn't get me up there, dimwit. And this rat -- [he jerks his head towards Dostoevsky.] -- can't help when he can barely carry his own body.
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So he'll just smile at Fyodor, ever so slightly. Haha, his pet chuuhuahua (whom he does not actually own, of course) insulted you~!
It's a brief moment of petty (and largely exaggerated) self-satisfaction, before his smile blossoms into something more genuine - and if Dazai looks halfway like a love-struck girl right about now, that's because they have been having a dick measuring contest, except it was brains rather than dicks, and oh boy was that a thrill!! That Dazai won that particular battle (not expected to be the end of the war) is honestly secondary to the pure pleasure of being able to play on his own level.
... But winning was still damn satisfying, actually.]
For all your complaining about us, you're still the one who keeps seeking us out, Chuuya.
[Probably not a good thing, where Fyodor is involved. But the less said (or even thought) about that, the better. Dazai doesn't care about Chuuya, after all. If there's a hole he needs filling - purely theoretically! - Chuuya is still 25 centimeters short!
Dazai turns to Fyodor, emphatically, deliberately. The opportunity to mock Chuuya is his main goal, here, but if he happens to get some intel in the process, so much the better.]
Don't you find him far too needy, Fedya? You could stick anything into him and it wouldn't be enough.
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phone tag apologies in advance!
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feel free to assume Dazai is coming whenever is convenient tbh
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cw for sacrilege tbh... i don't even really mean it but i hardcore had to do it
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