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[Chuuya had felt groggy and unfocused since he woke up, a feeling not even coffee had been able to make a dent in. He'd gotten to work purely on muscle memory, and then he'd mostly stared at his desk until Kouyou dropped by for lunch and ordered him to go home and sleep it off.

He wasn't sure there was anything to sleep off, but he didn't argue with his Ane-san.

And then he'd gone home, and passed out, and woken up about an hour later as panic gripped his chest tight.

Dazai.

He had to find Dazai.

He hurried out of his apartment, grabbed his motorcycle for speed, and set off in the direction of Dazai's place. Would he even be at his place? Or with that Agency of his? He'd check both, if he had to, although he'd prefer not having to explain to any stray agency members that he wasn't there to kill them. So he'd check his apartment first, and maybe call him from there.

It was only when he parked his bike outside Dazai's building that he realized he wasn't sure what he was panicking about.

Dazai has nothing to do with him anymore, but there was something, a thought buried behind the fog of his brain that told him there was more. Something was supposed to have changed--

Shit.

His head hurt. He hadn't been drinking, and it didn't feel like a hangover, but it did feel similar to a blackout. Dazai and he had been--

Dancing?

No, that made no sense. Chuuya headed into the building, and climbed the stairs, five at a time because he didn't have time for gravity.

They'd been in the city and--

That city.

Chuuya stopped, hand raised to knock, as a few memories started to come back to him. It wasn't possible. Someone had planted that in his head somehow.

They had been dancing. ]

DAZAI!

[He shouted through the door and then knocked hard, making the door shake.]

OPEN UP, DAZAI.

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Yes. This once. [He said it like he was the one doing Dazai a favor. And he didn't want their partnership to end with this, but he had to keep up the pretense.] If No Longer Human doesn't work on whatever this is, you're useless. You'll need me.

[Dazai was never useless, not unless he intentionally decided to be. Chuuya was lying pretty much non stop during this conversation.

It was not a fun conversation. ]

I remember coming back, the boss being cured, that rat bastard caught. I got back to work again. I wasn't missing at any point after that.

[Did he have to answer that second question? If he dodged it, Dazai would definitely notice. And he's probably be an annoying bastard and keep pushing.

How long could Chuuya keep Dazai from noticing that he was hiding something?]

They're boring memories. It's not important, just annoying.

[More lies. Some partnership.]

[No, Chuuya, you needed him. After all, it was apparent that Chuuya sought out his help in the first place, not the other way around. While Dazai could see why this situation could royally screw both the Agency and the Mafia over, be it a potential reality warp or the planting of false memories, Chuuya could've tried to check first if the mafia had the resources to deal with it, rather than going to a traitor immediately for help. After all, hadn't he learned to live without Dazai for the past four years?]

You haven't missed much, then.

So if those new memories of yours were so boring and annoying, what was with coming over here and looking as if someone had died?

[Well no, not really. But Chuuya's actions were desperate.

Don't try to worm out of this, slug.]

[He can try to worm out of it if he wants! He can even try to crash out of it violently, breaking everything in sight, Dazai's obnoxious face included.

Chuuya glared at Dazai over the top of his coffee cup. He'd finished over half already, and it still wasn't helping.]

I thought you'd finally died, and I came to celebrate.

[Obviously he knew Dazai wouldn't buy that. Now he was just stalling.]

What happened there isn't important.

[Yeah, right. If Chuuya wanted someone to fool, Dazai would point him in the direction of Kenji.

He peered at his ex-partner over the rim of his cup. This was a stalemate, undoubtedly, and he sipped his suspiciously familiar coffee. Fine. Let's see where playing along got him.]

In that case, you saw me in that world, too. Ahh, how lucky that my counterpart seems to have found a way to die.

Was it a good, painless death?

[Doubtful. As tired as he was of existing, he somehow knew he wouldn't go down that easily. Or painlessly, for that matter. Ever a tragedy, that.]

[Chuuya's eyes widened, just briefly. No, Dazai hadn't figured it out, he was just playing along with Chuuya's scenario, he--]

You didn't die.

[He give in. Dazai would keep prodding forever anyway.]

You had the same useless life there as you do here. I couldn't always avoid running into you.

[He finished his coffee, but just turned around for the pot to pour himself some more.]

Your feelings would leave black spots everywhere.

["If you got angry, things might start falling apart. "

That's what Chuuya said earlier, but he didn't need whatever that world had to achieve a similar effect. For Dazai to leave visible traces of emotion, though?

Well. He wasn't surprised that, if his own feelings leaked out, they would still be pitch black. After all, he was one hated by righteousness.

O cup of cheap coffee in an even cheaper chipped mug, thou had yet to reach the pinnacle of thine bitterness to attain the level of muck residing in Dazai's soul. Or something like that.]

You've quite the imagination. Were it the case that I revealed myself so openly, the circumstances must be dire, indeed.

On the other hand, are you sure these black spots didn't just keep showing up because you were around? After all, Chuuya likes scowling, he might as well keep his mouth permanently downwards.

[See this, how Dazai pulled down the corners of his eyes and mouth with his fingers? You looked this ugly, hat rack. No wonder people avoided you.]

You couldn't control it, asshole. If you felt it, it would show in the world around you, even if you'd normally be able to hide it.

[Did he really think Chuuya didn't know the difference between his own feelings and Dazai's? No, Dazai just didn't want to admit it.

He knew Chuuya was right, and that was one of the best feelings in the world. That was one emotion he wouldn't mind spreading to the environment.

Still. Dazai deserved another kick under the table.]

You feel a lot, you know. You never fooled me.

[If he had to admit this much, he was also going to use this chance to be a smug asshole.]

Edited 2018-10-23 08:42 (UTC)

You're imagining things.

[Look at this smile. It was empty and soulless. Wasn't this the kind of expression you hated?]

I'll let your delusion slide. After all, it's likely a conjured up world, or one planted in your memory. Far from something to put stock in.

So. What was the last thing you were working on, or the last incident you resolved after escaping from the book? Perhaps it's a good place to start.

[If Chuuya avoided giving more details, however, the chances that Chuuya wanted this resolved seemed questionable.]

[He did hate it, which was why Dazai was getting kicked again. And again. And again, until he stopped smiling like that.

But having those memories called out as delusions hit hard. Dazai was right, of course: Chuuya didn't know him, had always been wrong about what he thought he knew. He didn't feel the way Chuuya used to think he did, and he definitely didn't care.

He'd just have to repress those thoughts and get back to work. Keep this professional.]

I was in charge of rounding up that rat's associates. I'll get the files on the few people we were looking into.

[He stood up. He had to get out.]

I can retrace my steps after that.

[And that was that, was it..?

Smiling through being kicked was a pain to do, but he had judged that tanking the force of Chuuya's foot might help hum understand the situation better. Now, his shin was going to hurt for the next few days, and there was little gained, other than the assessment that something about Dazai bothered Chuuya more, instead of those memories.

Also of note was that Chuuya would've reacted differently, if he suspected his mind was tampered with. Perhaps it would be a reaction to his own origin as a seal not intended to take a personality of its own, but the matter was that, in the same breath that he protected his reasons for living, Chuuya fought to assert and maintain his identity.

No, being given false memories was no laughing matter.]

Fine, then.

Don't forget to call, partner.

[A deliberate reminder that, in spite of Chuuya's reticence, he still went to Dazai for help, and that Dazai would meddle if he deemed necessary.

Chuuya had clammed up tight today. All the more reason for Dazai to observe him for the next few days.]

[Chuuya halted at the use of those words. It was a reminder, sure, but hearing it was half relief, half insult. They weren't partners anymore.

But Chuuya remembered rebuilding that partnership.]

Let me know what you find.

[Dismissive. And then he started walking again, unlocking the door so he could leave.

He knew Dazai wouldn't let this go, but he just needed a few moments to clear his head. To pull himself together, get back to normal. He just needed to remind himself of what was reality here.

He'd get back to work. And then work out for a few hours until he nearly passed out, then get drunk. That was the plan. ]

[So he says. As if the scant amount Chuuya mentioned was enough to piece together anything, and Dazai had an inkling that looking up the organizations and branches his ex-partner had subdued in the weeks leading to his hallucination wouldn't yield anything worthwhile.

Two weeks later: he hated being right.

Which was why on one rainy evening, Dazai wore casual clothes this time and strolled into a particular bar. His tan coat stood out too much, and even his face was still recognizable in this part of town. After all, it was within the zone under the Port Mafia's protection, albeit one of the smaller bars near its edge.

Oh, look. How convenient that Chuuya was drinking by himself.

He sat down three stools away, casual as he pleased, and ordered a whiskey on the rocks.

There was little doubt in this mind that Chuuya was aware of his presence the moment he approached the bar. All he had to do now was wait.]

[Of course Chuuya noticed Dazai. It didn't matter what he wore, the asshole stood out like a sore thumb.

(Those clothes looked good on him.)

Chuuya sipped his wine, and tried to ignore him. His first reaction was to ask if he'd found anything, but if Dazai had, he would have contacted him directly, not sat down three chairs away. Unless he for some reason couldn't approach, of it wasn't safe -- No, he'd give Chuuya a sign.

Chuuya watched him out of the corner of his eye. No sign.

Annoyed, Chuuya got up, slid into the seat next to Dazai instead.]

This is a dangerous place for a traitor.

[Not really. And Chuuya's presence would keep him safe now.]

What are you doing here, Dazai?

[He missed you.]

[If not Chuuya's presence, then the lack of an execution order might guarantee safety. There was a reason, after all, that Mori had refrained from issuing one, though Dazai knew better than to rely on that sort of leniency.]

Should I not be free to drink where I please?

[He held up the glass served to him against the light and peered at its contents. Ice and liquid amber, the dignified fragrance of time. Unlike humans, alcohol could claim it kept its wisdom over the years.]

I thought I'd see for myself if this place had changed the last time I visited. Apparently not.

So why are you alone on this fine, damp evening? Your usual company busy?

[Yes.]

You already knew that.

[If Dazai was here, he'd make sure Chuuya would be alone. Chuuya wouldn't be surprised if it was Dazai's fault that he was alone, if he'd made sure his company would be busy. Although for once, he wasn't suspicious by default.

And he also didn't care. He couldn't help the way he'd much rather spend time with Dazai.]

I'll let your presence in Port Mafia territory slide for now. [A pause.] You haven't found anything?

You know the answer to that.

[An echo of Chuuya's line, and a bet. There were a lot of details hidden from him when Chuuya visited his apartment, and while Dazai had done his best to dig around, there wasn't anything of note.]

You haven't done anything of note to become the target of that sort of attention. Removing you from the field without either destroying you, making your delusion perfect, or coming up with a thorough brainwashing method is a disservice to those who wish you permanent harm.

[Unlike Ranpo, who ultimately chose a method that gave Chuuya an out - albeit one that would still disable him as long as the Agency didn't have a way of handling the petite mafia.]

So, Chuuya. You truly have no idea why you were targeted with an inconsequential non-Ability?

[So Dazai was here to question Chuuya more about his memories. Of course he was. Chuuya quickly drank some of his wine, and then signaled to the bartender to just give him the bottle.

It probably wasn't a good idea to get drunk if he wanted to keep secrets, though.]

Not unless you believe that the world needed my help to restore it.

[That was the line, wasn't it? He'd never cared about it much while there - his responsibility was to his men, not to some strange planet.

Of course, now that he was back, he hadn't been much help to his Organization. He'd been unfocused, his mind elsewhere. He'd been thinking about Dazai, trying to sort out which memories of him were real and which weren't. How realistic any of it was.

Was everything that happened just Chuuya's unconscious, pathetic desire?]

I'm always the target of that sort of attention. [Don't insult him. He has enough enemies, and he's proud of it.] But you're right, they did a shit job if they tried to take me out of play. I have better enemies than that.

So it's probably something else.

[As long as it's not just a delusion.]

[Why yes, Chuuya, ordering the full bottle was a curious choice to make. Was this truly an account you couldn't get through without intoxication?]

Indeed.

[He sipped from his glass. Hmm. A nostalgic drink, in the moment of another's recollection. Shall he ask for a photo to be taken..?

(Don't jinx it, Dazai.)]

Don't think your reluctance escaped my notice.

What was I up to, in that vision of yours?

[The only way to deal with Dazai is to be drunk, clearly. Chuuya can't be the only one who drinks around him.

Chuuya just shrugged at being called out like that.]

If I didn't tell you then, why the hell would I tell you now?

[He needs some distance here. Going over to Dazai had been a mistake. Going to Dazai's apartment that day had been a worse mistake, but he hadn't known that. The asshole never let anything go.

Chuuya shouldn't trust him. Definitely couldn't count on him. He repeated that like a mantra in his head to make his conflicting feelings go away.]

If no one is after me, we can both just forget about it.

Because Chuuya's clearly bothered today.

[More straight to the point than usual, when whatever affected Chuuya to this degree was worthy of Dazai's interest. One more facet of his selfishness, perhaps, and he couldn't help but meddle.]

Regardless of whether there's an actual threat or not, you're going to stay like that, because it's not something you can use your typical brutish ways on. Why, that must be special brain-eating worm they slipped in your ear - it's able to survive on air and wine fumes!

Shut up.

[He barely resisted downing his wine. It would be a waste of a -- not good, but semi-decent drink, and he knew if he got drunk he'd end up telling Dazai everything. Because he really wanted to.

But at the same time, he was such an ass, pushing all the right buttons to raise his hackles.]

Not like you're being useful, either. Did you accidentally kill off all your braincells in your latest suicide attempt?

Come back when you know something worth keeping you alive for, traitor.

That's not how it works, Chuuya. Are you so willing to sign your own expulsion notice if you go ahead with an unauthorized execution? And that's if you get off lightly.

[He was being awfully combative today. In other words, being made to recall whatever he saw was something of a pain for him.

Actually - here, have a refill, never mind that Dazai could only pour only a fifth of the glass with how full it still was. Tempted to make yourself feel better about this whole debacle, aren't you?]

If you didn't think I was your best option to solve this, you wouldn't have come to me in the first place.

Let's start with the basics: how long did you perceive yourself to be in that world?

That's not even why I --

[Shit, no, don't admit that, Chuuya. He took his now too-full glass and drank about half of it, glowering down at the bar top for a moment.]

I'm starting to think expulsion might be worth it. Besides, I can probably get away with hiding your body. Everyone will just think you left again.

[See? Flawless plan.

He wasn't going to do that.]

About five months.

[While Dazai's expression didn't change, that little slip-up got him thinking. Not why Chuuya approached him? What on earth had his imaginary counterpart done.]

You forget who we're up against. Even if you caused me to vanish, that man will have to search for me to assess if I am no longer a threat.

Even if no one from the Agency or Mafia figure it out, he might.

[That person's attention to detail and memory were frighteningly sharp.

No, Dazai didn't believe Chuuya would dispose of him just yet. But if they were talking about hypothetical scenarios, there was one for you, slug.]

Five months of no mafia-related problems, is it? It sounds like a vacation, although knowing your workaholic habits, you'd be desperate to come home.

[More like, Chuuya needed to ensure the mafia was safe.]

[Dazai had a point. Chuuya wouldn't get away with it. There weren't many people in the world capable of getting rid of Dazai, so he'd be a natural suspect because of their history. And if the boss asked him outright, he wouldn't get away with a lie.

Chuuya wasn't a bad liar, necessarily. But the people who knew him usually saw through him anyway.]

The execution order will come eventually.

[Probably. And when it did -- Chuuya didn't want Dazai dead, didn't think he could do it, instinctively wanted to protect him just at the thought.

Shit. This whole thing had messed with him. It was screwing with his sense of loyalty.]

Of course I wanted to get back. I don't owe anything to some strange world, even if it is falling apart.

My responsibilities are here.

Edited 2018-10-27 10:08 (UTC)