indensity | when you're helpless, waiting to collide

when you're helpless, waiting to collide

[Chuuya has lost all track of time while he's been there. The drugs they've injected him with has him slipping in and out of consciousness, and it's making it difficult to think, made worse by the fact that every inch of his body seems to hurt. He only vaguely remembers the fight. He's pretty sure his coffee had been drugged when he bought it, that or his croissant, and then when he'd felt so dizzy only his ability could keep him standing, he'd been attacked out of nowhere by two ability users. One of them had some sort of lightning based ability, he's not sure about the other.

He's pretty sure he has a concussion.

He's been trying to gauge his injuries, figure out if he'll be able to move, trying to figure out a way to break himself free. He's chained up, but he should be able to break those if the drugs wear off. The door to this room looks solid, but he can break it. If not for the drugs.

At some point, someone comes into the room and injects him with another dose, and he loses all consciousness again. When he wakes up, he starts the thought process over. Where is he, can he fight, how will he get out. He's not the type to ever just wait to be rescued.]

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[Chuuya isn't surprised when Dazai decides to be a dick. He knew it was inevitable, that he'd only be able to do so much before Dazai decided to turn the tables. He doesn't care. At least that's what his expression says, but someone paying attention might notice the way he hesitates for just a moment, tension slowing his movements before he makes his shoulders relax again. It's fine.

Normally he really wouldn't care, but it's difficult when he's been forced to realize how much he actually wants here. It would be easier if he'd been allowed to continue to ignore it.]

How many people would get this far?

[He could just do it. He's tempted. Instead he leans up to kiss Dazai, a rough press of lips, knife still held dangerously between them.]

But it's not about being special. It's just fun.

[That's a lie.]

As many as I'd let get this far?

[... Well, that's half true at best, but... there's certainly a core of truth to it. Dazai is, to his ever-lasting misfortune and to the detriment of all believers in karma, just that skilled.

But he's still not exactly invulnerable. He's not even, much as he would deny it, entirely without emotions, and kissing Chuuya does bring him some pleasure. He's not entirely sure himself why and how that works: even if he's allowing this, and Chuuya is basically walking right into his would-be trap, that's hardly an accomplishment. But there's still pleasure in going through this, stringing Chuuya along - and, of course, shutting him down when Dazai feels like it. Or that's his plan, at least. Maybe he just likes tempting fate, flirting with danger.

That's not even why he chuckles softly at Chuuya's words, though he can't resist pointing out the obvious.]

You've always been a terrible liar.

Exactly.

[He never said he was special because he forced Dazai into this position. Chuuya is stronger, but he hasn't done much to take advantage of that here, and what he has done so far Dazai has allowed. He knows that. Dazai could easily get out of the position Chuuya has him in - even now, Chuuya's legs are starting to get tired.

But how many people could scar Dazai because he let them?

And maybe that's what makes it tempting. It feels like it should prove something, except that he knows it doesn't. He bites at Dazai's lips instead. His other hand digs into Dazai's thigh, hopefully leaving more bruises, just like Chuuya promised, but the knife, for now, remains nothing but a threat.]

Shut up.

[Don't call him out. Especially when Dazai can't know what he wants. He kisses him again, harder.]

I'm starting to think you want me to do this.

[Dazai knows exactly what Chuuya wants, though. Dazai knows pretty much everything, for that matter! ... Or something close enough. He can pretend; he's mostly not even lying.

He does shut up, but only because they're kissing, clearly. His lips are mangled enough by now that he doesn't care to provoke more damage, thank you!! (No, actually, he doesn't care, period.)]

Not really. [He doesn't care too much about that, either. If only he did, he might be something like human.] But I am curious to see how far you'll dare to go.

[It might be a challenge, but it's not. It's just a far-too-dry observation - and close enough to the truth. Should he have not said anything..? Oh well, it's not like Chuuya doesn't know better than to believe him, anyway.]

Edited 2022-05-15 11:38 (UTC)

[It might not be as challenge, but it still sounds like one. That, or a warning, with the way Dazai says the word dare, like Chuuya should be worried about consequences here. But the thing is - he’s not, because whether it’s a challenge or a warning, it still sounds like permission. Dazai isn’t stopping him.

And he wants this. Too much.

He hates that he wants this. He hates that he’s been forced to acknowledge that he wants this. It was easier when he could deny everything, hide behind years of anger and bitterness, but… Maybe it had been inevitable. And he knows none of it is really an option, but. But it’s time to push those limits a little.]

As far as I feel like.

[He pushed Dazai back, up against the wall, and then slides the knife down, to a part of Dazai’s chest which would normally be hidden by bandages. And this time when he cuts, it goes deep, a straight line designed to leave an unmistakable scar. Maybe he’ll leave a second one, parallel to the first.

He realizes he’s suddenly painfully turned on by what he’s doing.]

[It honestly wasn't a warning, either, though there will certainly be consequences if Chuuya goes too far - whatever that will mean to Dazai at the time. (He's flexible!) But having Chuuya take it as one works well enough for Dazai, really.

Or it does until the real pain begins, and Dazai tries not to make a sound, but he soon can't help but groan. He forces the sound to turn into a chuckle, and honestly? It's not entirely fake. The situation amuses him, especially Chuuya's boldness when Dazai knows - when they both know - that Dazai could end this instantly or have a revenge that would leave Chuuya crying in the streets.

Maybe that's what's so good about this: a plan does tend to lose its entertainment value when the (usually entirely too predictable and hence pointless) execution has to follow. Dazai knows all the horrible things he could do here, but whether he will or won't, knowing them is enough.]

Aren't you bold today?

[And maybe it's a little funny that he can let Chuuya turn himself on like this, when Chuuya normally likes it the other way around. It feels a little bit like corruption (not the capital one!), twisting his preferences, if only for the moment.]

Are you finally going to kill me today, Chuuya~?

[No, actually: that is a lot further than Dazai intends to let this go. But it's fun to tease with, the appropriate kind of dirty talk for the moment.]

[Maybe it is corrupting him. Chuuya is being selfish, taking something that he wants, something he definitely shouldn't have. And he knows he'll never actually have a claim to Dazai, knows better than to ask for it, but at the very least this will prove that he's left a mark. And he wants him. That want is getting harder and harder to ignore.]

Shut up.

[He drags the blade across this time. That chuckle sounds good, makes Chuuya smile, because it's still a reaction from Dazai, even if it's not one of pain. And Chuuya doesn't want to cause him pain, exactly. Not this time at least.]

That's the opposite of what I want.

[The bandages are getting stained a deep red now. This time when Chuuya leans in, licks across one of the cuts, his lips turn just as red, and the taste of copper on his tongue makes him feel alive. He wants more than just this now, but he's not sure exactly what. Maybe just to jerk Dazai off until he can force sounds of pleasure out of him.]

It's a promise that I'm keeping you alive.

[His legs are starting to shake from carrying the weight of Dazai like this, and it's affecting his balance, just a little. The position really isn't the best one, but he ignores it, or tries to. He's not ready to move just yet.]

[Ahhh... Chuuya would say that. It's not false either, Dazai knows, but it's still the opposite of what Dazai wants, in a way, and that makes him pettily annoyed. Chuuya doesn't get to keep him alive against his wishes, when the time comes. Even if part of Dazai does think that Chuuya's determination on that front is sort of cute, that in itself makes him more annoyed about the whole thing.

Chuuya may not be ready to move, but Dazai is: as long as Chuuya is rapidly losing strength in his legs, Dazai is going to be an asshole and shift his balance, pushing off the wall to hopefully make Chuuya fall back, and land on top of him. Maybe the knife will do some real damage in the process and maybe it won't, but Dazai doesn't care: it's his own move, and hence the consequences are irrelevant.]

[There’s really no way for Chuuya to brace himself or stop the fall from this position. Dazai pushes forward, and Chuuya tips backwards, his grip on Dazai’s thigh tightening reflexively and doing exactly nothing to help. He twists the knife away from Dazai to protect him.

He lands hard, barely able to prevent his head from hitting the ground. His shoulders take the brunt of the fall. And — the knife has cut into his own chest instead, but he doesn’t think it’s deep, so he’s not going to worry about it.]

I was wondering how far I’d get.

[The pain is irrelevant. He grins up at Dazai with his still bloody smile.]

[The landing is rough, but Dazai doesn't care, even if his human-shaped landing pad is nothing to brag about. (Too hard! Too many muscles.) It's good enough, and Chuuya's implied acknowledgement that Dazai was always going to win in the end is incredibly pleasing. (Maybe Dazai's been more turned on by this than he realized.)]

Satisfied?

[Not waiting for a reply - that can follow whenever! - Dazai licks at Chuuya's mouth, lapping up the blood staining it.

His blood! No touchy.]

Edited 2022-05-17 10:32 (UTC)

[Chuuya shifts under him, tries to pull his hand out in between them, but the knife gets caught on the fabric of his vest. So he keeps it there, tries to keep it angled away from both of them. Cutting Dazai is only acceptable if it's deliberate.

And he's definitely satisfied with not replying immediately when Dazai does that. He parts his lips slightly, and then, after a moment, leans up, tries to capture that tongue for an actual kiss. He has the right to taste that blood, and if they can share the taste of it that just makes this all the more intimate.]

For now.

[That could be a warning, but really, uncomfortable though this position is (and it really is - he has a small rock digging into his left shoulder), he's definitely content to stay like this under Dazai at the moment.]

[Dazai doesn't object to the kiss, as it happens. Because he is turned on - whatever random combination of factors conspired to create that state in him (but it was mostly Chuuya basically acknowledging that Dazai always wins in the end, let's face it) - and he wants this too. And now that he wants it, he will have it.

The kiss stays fairly gentle on his end, though not lacking in passion. Dazai is not a patient man, though, and things will move fast after that.]

I knew you wouldn't last.

[But somehow, that's not a complaint, even if it's not by definition a compliment, either.

Enough of this ~~foreplay~~ procrastination! Dazai pushes himself up just far enough that he can open Chuuya's pants and pull them down - barely enough to serve, but that will do. He's not in any mood to prepare Chuuya, especially since Chuuya seems to prefer to skip that step as often as not - but he'll still wait to see how Chuuya responds before proceeding.]

[The kiss is perfect. Chuuya was rough enough earlier, so something more gentle is a nice contrast, especially when Dazai is still obviously into it. Chuuya lets him set the pace, doesn't try to get him to change it up, just matches Dazai's intensity. His eyes close for a second.]

I could have if I wanted.

[And that's the thing: He never really wants to. He wants this. Dazai moves, and Chuuya quickly wipes the knife clean on his own shirt, before replacing it in its sheath. He'll let Dazai move and strip him, too, though he's incredibly aware that they're in an alley, that Chuuya is the one lying on the filthy ground, that being fucked here is going to get him bruised and scraped raw, that anyone could turn that corner and see.

And with Dazai barely pulling his pants down, his legs are effectively restrained, too. But it might be better than being stripped right here.]

At least use lube this time. You know I have some in my pocket.

Mhm, maybe you could have, at that.

[It's still a serious maybe, in Dazai's opinion, but Chuuya's point stands: he really is choosing this. It makes no sense to Dazai; he can analyze it, sure, but not understand it. (Isn't that his whole deal with humanity, though?)

That's fine. Chuuya is still choosing this, choosing him, and in spite of everything, that is kind of satisfying. Dazai isn't sure himself why that is, and he makes a point of immediately cutting short any thoughts in that direction. He doesn't want to know why he cares, and less so when the topic brings a rat's words echoing back through his head. Maybe he's just horny! Isn't that reason enough? He's getting what he wants here, too.]

...

[Part of him thinks he should refuse Chuuya's request to prove that he doesn't really care, but doing so would also mean that he does care, and so he refuses to refuse it. Less thinking, more fucking. He's finally properly turned on, and Chuuya is right here; Dazai isn't about to let feelings get in his way, either positively or negatively.

He really needs to hurry, before his mood drops and he doesn't even feel like fucking anymore. Grabbing the lube, he applies it to his fingers, pushing two into Chuuya without delay.]

[Chuuya would definitely have said that he's just horny. He wants sex - it's a good excuse! And the truth is too complicated to explain anyway. Being with Dazai is a thrill, a challenge, means always having his buttons pushed. It pisses him off, leaves him humiliated, but at the same time --

He'd never be able to explain why he likes this bastard, but he trusts him. There's no one else he could trust like this. In a way he even likes their arguments for their familiarity, burning hot and fast, leaving him with his head feeling clearer afterwards. It's not like Dazai doesn't go too far sometimes (a lot of the time), but somehow that doesn't matter. It doesn't change a single fucking thing. But then it's not like Chuuya is happy about wanting him like this.

He holds back a grunt as Dazai shoves those fingers into him.]

Considering I'm the one who cares about my clothes, shouldn't you be the one on the ground?

[Though wait - Dazai promised to ruin his clothes, didn't he? Shit.]

[Realization is visible on Chuuya's face, and Dazai just smiles, making a point of working Chuuya open in an effort to quell any ragesplosions before they even begin. After all, while he enjoys pushing Chuuya's buttons, going back to a fist fight when they could be engaging in other physical button-pushing would lose Dazai's interest really fast.]

I care about my bandages too, Chuuya.

[Less so his clothes. Probably not really his bandages either, since they're a part of his body, but, you know... Dazai is not on this earth to tell life's great truths. That said, he's probably not technically on this earth to fuck with people, either, but even a human-reject needs a hobby.

And speaking of that: he adds a third finger, alternatively thrusting and lightly spreading them in Chuuya's ass.]

How about you ask nicely?

[It's that smile that really makes Chuuya want to punch him. Smug bastard. He made a promise to himself once, years ago, to never let Dazai get away with being that smug, but it's a promise he's always breaking. Those fingers are a good distraction, making him grunt a little, shifting like he wants to spread his legs apart. The way his pants are keeping them closer together is making everything feel more tight.

He really wants to be fucked like that. He can feel his stomach twisting in anticipation.]

I already ruined your bandages.

[Some of them, at least. Red really does look good on Dazai, he thinks.]

Like hell I'll beg for you.

This is proper repayment then, isn't it?

[Not that Dazai really cares about what's proper in any way, but it's a convenient narrative to follow in most situations. For some reason people tend to have a hard time arguing with what common society deems correct! Imagine that. The lack of creativity... and intelligence.

Speaking of which (not really): Chuuya is so incredibly predictable, and in many ways Dazai doesn't even mind it, but... there are times, like this, when it throws up a whole slew of unnecessary complications. Dazai's smirk widens.]

Would you care to bet on that?

[He hadn't planned to go so far as to make Chuuya beg - apart from anything else: that seems like it would take a lot of work for comparatively little result - but with Chuuya's statement, avoiding it becomes all but impossible. You really only have yourself to blame for this, Chuu!

Dazai keeps fingering Chuuya, but lazily. If Chuuya isn't going to beg, he'll need to at least offer something else for Dazai to keep this particular game going!]

[Chuuya knows Dazai doesn't care about what's proper. He cares about what he can use to his advantage, what will help him win, come out on top, and he'd call Dazai out on that if there was any point. Because Dazai did also promise to ruin Chuuya's clothes, and he keeps his promises, which means Chuuya won't be arguing his way out of this one.

And he's distracted. He doesn't really care how uncomfortable this is going to be. He groans as those fingers move, getting him ready, and then --

Shit.]

Dazai.

[He shouldn't be surprised. He's not, but he hadn't been thinking about what he was saying, how Dazai would definitely react. Fuck.]

You piece of shit. Come on, asshole.

[He's sounding needier than he normally would be this quickly. Normally he'd need to be pretty drunk before he'd let himself slip like that, before he could be open about how much he wants, but this evening and his feelings have been fucking with him. He still doesn't want to give in, at least not without a fight, but he doesn't want to drag this out too much either. He glances down the alley, making sure that it's clear, wondering how long before someone discovers them.

No matter what he does, this is going to get embarrassing.]

What if I just say no to the bet? Can't you just continue?

You're the one who started this, Chuuya.

[... More or less. In the literal sense, anyway! Chuuya was the one who came looking for him with some vague story that Dazai knows is, at best, not the whole truth. But even Dazai can't figure out what the full truth is - which is annoying, and maybe his main goal here should be finding out, but... he doesn't really want to. Even if he doesn't know exactly why Chuuya came to him, he gets an overwhelming sensation that he doesn't want to know, either.]

The question now is: do you want to finish as well?

[He's hilarious, thank you for noticing.

In his defense (and a piss-poor defense it is): Dazai does keep finger-fucking Chuuya, slowly but steadily. Taunting Chuuya under these circumstances is something of a risk, but he's got Chuuya under as much control as he can manage, and he knows Chuuya likes this stuff, even if he doesn't fully understand it.

Suits him just fine, though. Chuuya's buttons may be easy to push, but Dazai still gets a kick out of it.]

[Chuuya wants to strangle him. He wants to pull his legs free and kick Dazai right in the head. He does not want to beg for him, especially because the last thing he wants is for Dazai to realize exactly how much he can get away with here. Chuuya squirms, clearly holding himself back from doing anything else, trying to pretend this isn't just turning him on even more.

He won't resort to violence here. He's tempted, but he won't, because there's no way Dazai agrees to fuck him if he does.]

Asshole. Please.

[He can feel his cheeks heating up as he says it. He's looking up at Dazai, trying to see if that's enough, or if Dazai will push it even further. He could come just from those fingers, but he knows Dazai won't let him. And he wants more.]

Please fuck me. Come on. Dazai.

[Dazai really should just refuse Chuuya release no matter what he does. After all, while Dazai will get his own satisfaction either way, Chuuya only stands to gain from getting fucked in the literal sense. The figurative sense, then, makes more sense. Even when Chuuya does end up begging, why should that mean anything to Dazai? It's at least as much of a reason to kick him while he's down as it is one to comply with his request.

And yet... Dazai finds himself feeling generous - not even the fake and/or self-justifying kind, but genuinely. Chuuya may be annoying as hell, but he is pretty darn attractive when he begs...]

Good boy.

[Even that is, for better or worse, said with warm (if highly patronizing) sincerity, and no mocking. Dazai hates dogs, after all! Why would he use this as a compliment unless he meant it? (... There's probably some logic in there, but you may have to dig deep for it.)

Unceremoniously pulling his fingers out, Dazai shifts to line up his dick instead, leaning his admittedly unimpressive weight on Chuuya's pants to keep his legs pinned high. Of course Chuuya could probably free himself, if he really wanted to. But isn't that all the more reason to enjoy the fact that he doesn't?

According to Dazai: yes. Yes, it really, truly is. Having provided much more of a warm-up than Chuuya deserves, in his opinion, Dazai thrusts in without preamble, holding still once he's as far in as he can comfortably go. He releases a long breath, enjoying the sensation and letting himself get used to it, before he finally starts to move.]

[He should be mad about being called that. He should really kick Dazai. It's humiliating, even with that weird warmth he can somehow hear in Dazai's voice, and if Chuuya lets him get away with calling him that now, he's definitely going to do it again. There's a brief moment of tension where he might just do it --

But Dazai's finally getting ready to fuck him, and Chuuya's dick just jumped at those words anyway, staining his shirt with precome. He's desperate. He rubs a hand over his face, as if that will somehow ease his embarrassment, get rid of his blush.]

You really are the worst.

[And why the hell does that turn him on so much?

But he won't fight Dazai, and he won't try to break free. He braces his hands against the ground, groaning as Dazai finally thrusts into him, giving in fully. He won't even have any leverage to move like this. Another groan as Dazai starts to fuck him, staring up at him even though he's still bright red and kind of wants to hide. He can already feel gravel scraping against his back.]

Finally.

I never said that I wasn't.

[... That's definitely a lie, but at least he's never said it with any degree of seriousness, and probably not to Chuuya at all; not when it's just them. Dazai knows exactly what he is and what he isn't. He may or may not be happy with it, but it's not as if he has any moral issues with it. That being the case, why should he care about other people stating the obvious? (In the same way, he really doesn't care about where they are, and how someone might walk in on them at any time. He did choose a quiet route to walk along on purpose, though, because he's not sure Chuuya or himself would feel like letting any interruptions live, and once their sex gets interrupted, it might be hard - no pun intended - to get back in the mood.)

There is something truly and surprisingly pleasant about fucking Chuuya - a rare thing that Dazai will likely never understand (or, indeed, try to, when he knows Too Much as it is). It's not quite a thrill, but definitely a pleasure; not something Dazai has ever felt with anyone else in the same way. Whatever the reason for that weird feeling, the fact that Chuuya enjoys it should be reason enough in itself not to do it... but then, why should Dazai refuse himself a rare pleasure? Besides, at least this way he keeps reminding Chuuya of how much he loves Dazai's dick, and that easily outranks petty denial.]

Always so eager.

[No, logically speaking, Dazai really shouldn't give Chuuya what he wants. But it's still nice to see Chuuya so damn needy and desperate, all for him, so Dazai rewards him by thrusting harder, faster. Maybe their current position amounts to little more than using Chuuya as a sex toy, but... is there really anything wrong with that?]

[What Chuuya means when he calls Dazai the worst is definitely different from what most other people would mean, especially like this. It's personal, it's petty, it's needy. It's all because Dazai's being a dick in a way that turns Chuuya on, and it would be so much easier to pretend that it didn't. But in the end he wants all of this.]

Shut up.

[He can't deny it. He also knows he can't shut Dazai up like this, but he still has to say something. He wants to move. He wants to push up, meet Dazai's thrusts, get him deeper, make him move faster. Being helpless is a strange feeling for him - he's not, not really, he could easily get free, but not without ending this, and that's what's making his stomach twist, is making him quickly grow louder as he moans.

So maybe it turns him on to be used as a sex toy, too. At least when it's Dazai doing it. The truth is, much as Dazai likes to accuse Chuuya of being addicted to dick, it's always been about Dazai.]

when you're helpless, waiting to collide

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