[Dazai knows he can't let on that he's as agitated as he is. He's practiced in schooling his emotions, in priding himself on not having them, but watching this- No, it's not because he's seeing what's happening to Chuuya. He's angry that he's been tricked, that he can't immediately plot his way out of this. He will, because he always does, but the fact that he doesn't have an automatic answer to the problem is the thing that's really bothering him.
...is what he wants to believe. This is nothing; Dazai knows that Chuuya has been tortured before, they've both endured awful things, but this is the first time Dazai has been forced to see it without a plan on how to make it stop. Actually, no--they could stop it easily, if Chuuya would let himself lose it, but for some reason the threat on Dazai's life seems to have worked, and that is yet another thing Dazai hates.
Why is Chuuya enduring it? Because he's stubborn? That's not it; even from here, behind the glass, Dazai can tell it hurts. There's none of the characteristic anger on Chuuya's face; there can't be, not when there's hardly time allowed for him to breathe before they're starting again. It's the muzzle of a gun pressed to the back of Dazai's head that stops Chuuya from doing what he does best, and honestly? He half wishes they'd just pull the damn trigger, so at least one of them would get out of this.
He's not going to look away, not while he tries to think of a solution where both of them don't end up dead. He keeps looking, because he's not a coward, because Chuuya is looking at him, and Dazai is the one responsible for coming up with the plan. He always is.
But things would be so much easier if Chuuya would just think of himself first, and Dazai wouldn't even blame him. If he could say that, if Chuuya could hear him, he knows what the response would be--vehement refusal. Maybe Chuuya wouldn't be able to get to him in time, but this is stupid; the stalemate, and the fact that Chuuya can be so easily collared, so to speak.
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...is what he wants to believe. This is nothing; Dazai knows that Chuuya has been tortured before, they've both endured awful things, but this is the first time Dazai has been forced to see it without a plan on how to make it stop. Actually, no--they could stop it easily, if Chuuya would let himself lose it, but for some reason the threat on Dazai's life seems to have worked, and that is yet another thing Dazai hates.
Why is Chuuya enduring it? Because he's stubborn? That's not it; even from here, behind the glass, Dazai can tell it hurts. There's none of the characteristic anger on Chuuya's face; there can't be, not when there's hardly time allowed for him to breathe before they're starting again. It's the muzzle of a gun pressed to the back of Dazai's head that stops Chuuya from doing what he does best, and honestly? He half wishes they'd just pull the damn trigger, so at least one of them would get out of this.
He's not going to look away, not while he tries to think of a solution where both of them don't end up dead. He keeps looking, because he's not a coward, because Chuuya is looking at him, and Dazai is the one responsible for coming up with the plan. He always is.
But things would be so much easier if Chuuya would just think of himself first, and Dazai wouldn't even blame him. If he could say that, if Chuuya could hear him, he knows what the response would be--vehement refusal. Maybe Chuuya wouldn't be able to get to him in time, but this is stupid; the stalemate, and the fact that Chuuya can be so easily collared, so to speak.
Stop being an idiot, Dazai wants to tell him.]