ic contact & overflow for prismatica

[indensity]

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nakahara chuuya ⬤ bungou stray dogs
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[indensity]

Okay.

[He's living. That's good. That's all anyone can ask of him. Chuuya's voice has gone even quieter, because it hurts, every word out of Dazai's mouth hurts. He doesn't get it, because no one else has ever been able to hurt him like this, and Dazai does it so effortlessly.

He wants to say that he'd tried to help. That he'd wanted Dazai to stay alive, that's why he'd been so angry, but what's the point. Dazai hadn't noticed then - maybe Chuuya hadn't tried hard enough, hadn't paid enough attention, hadn't been the right person - and it won't help now to have Chuuya point out his own failures, have him humiliate himself. It's not worth it.]

Okay.

[He doesn't know what else to say. Dazai left. They're enemies now. That's how it has to be. There's no changing it, no fixing this, nothing that Dazai wants to fix. He made the right choice for himself, after all.

He's living. That's good.]

If I learn anything about your friend, I'll let you know.

[He pushes out from the wall, turns down the alley, and starts walking without ever lifting his head. He doesn't want Dazai seeing his face.]

[theartofdying]

[Okay, Chuuya says, and it sounds anything but. Okay, he says, and it sounds like goodbye. It sounds like wind rushing through the empty hollow he can feel in the pit of his stomach, it tastes like salt and regret, sits so heavy on his tongue that it feels like lead.

It's not okay. Nothing is okay. None of this is okay, and he doesn't know where it had all gone wrong.

Maybe it's been going wrong for years.

Maybe it's always been wrong.

Maybe he's been wrong.

Chuuya walks away, and Dazai makes no move to stop him, even as it feels like there's something else being taken from him in the process, something he's missed without even realizing. All he can do is watch Chuuya's back, his shoulders, as he moves down the alley. But before he vanishes, Dazai does manage one last thing.]

Chuuya--

[There's something odd about the sound of his voice. Regret, maybe? Sorrow? Guilt? Something weird. Something that doesn't belong there.]

Don't disappear. I know I don't have the right to ask you, but--don't, anyway.

[It's selfish. He has no right to ask, and Chuuya has no control over it, anyway, ultimately. He doesn't even know if he wants an answer. But he asks anyway.]