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now we’re swallowing the shine of the summer
[Chuuya turned into the alley just in time to see Dazai fall over, a man with a bat standing over him. There were a few more people standing around, too - who the hell had his ex-partner pissed off now, Chuuya wondered. And how the hell had they managed to get the better of him. Dazai might be a shitty fighter, but he always had a plan.
Chuuya was already kicking one of the men into a wall when he remembered that Dazai's plan was often him.
If t was, he was going to kill him, he decided. They weren't partners anymore, after all. But it might just be a coincidence, too. This wasn't Port Mafia territory. Dazai probably hadn't known he'd be in the area. But if he'd got himself caught up in some thugs' business without a plan, then Chuuya was really going to kill him.
The last of the men went down, and Chuuya hurried over to check on Dazai. He crouched down next to him, gently patted his face, then pinched his nose for a few seconds to see if he really was passed out, or just being lazy. No reaction. He had a few scratches, some bleeding. One of the wounds looked bad, but it wasn't life threatening - it just needed to be cleaned and bandaged, or he'd almost definitely get an infection.
Alright, so. What the hell did he do?
Most people would bring him to the hospital, but Chuuya wasn't most people. He was mafia. And he knew Dazai valued his privacy, too. He could bring him to that pet agency of his, but the thought of doing that for Dazai made his skin crawl. Besides, he couldn't let word get out that he'd carried a traitor to safety. He could leave Dazai here. But then Dazai wouldn't know Chuuya had helped him, and he really wanted a chance to rub that in the asshole's face.
— He could bring him home.
It felt weird. It was something he would have done when they were partners. But it was only because he wanted to annoy him, not because he actually cared that he was hurt. Still, Chuuya hesitated a bit. He brushed Dazai's hair back, just to check his scalp for any other injuries. Yeah, he'd bring him home. He couldn't wait to see Dazai's face when he realized who had saved his sorry ass.
Carefully, Chuuya shifted Dazai around, pulling him up slightly by the arms, and then leveraged his weight onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry. Then he set off in the direction of his apartment. ]
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Nothing about Dazai is ever good.]
You were busy cleaning up!
[Not that that would have stopped Dazai under literally any other circumstances, but he can argue-for-the-sake-of-arguing as much as anyone. Looks like he isn't sneaking out and leaving Chuuya wondering where the hell he is anytime soon. Too bad.]
It was worth checking to see how much I could move. I can't stay in your bed forever, Chuuya.
Besides, your bedside manner is atrocious.
[Or it could be that Dazai is the patient from hell. Could be that.
Dazai is regretting his life choices either way, slow to limp along, and leaning heavily on Chuuya. That much, of course, could be an act, but the way color has drained from his face by the time they reach the bathroom is hardly something he can fake.]
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He considers him for a second. This is too familiar.]
If you want to leave, I won't stop you. I'll throw you into a cab myself.
[He's used to Dazai leaving. He expects nothing less.]
But if you don't stop being an idiot, I'll start thinking it's because you want me sticking close to stop you.
[And he knows that's not it. He also knows it's the last thing Dazai would want anyone to think. Chuuya shifts Dazai a little closer, so he can support him better.]
Sit on the toilet. I'll change your bandages after you're done.
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He smirks in spite of the pain, an odd self-mocking quality to it. He's definitely not "being an idiot" because he wants Chuuya close - and yet... isn't doing it to annoy Chuuya almost the same thing?
But then, why is Chuuya one of the few people he never tires of bullying?]
Being an idiot is a matter of perspective.
[That's all he says in the end, a simple and yet fairly quiet denial. Let Chuuya think (using the term loosely) what he wants. Dazai can't stop him anyway, and there's no point in putting in the effort.
At least he does what he's been told - the surest sign yet of how great he isn't doing - sitting on the toilet without complaining. He looks down at the mess of his new injuries, a little sulky. Okay, maybe he could have calculated that risk a little better...]
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[It's always a little worrying when Dazai actually listens to him. The weak comeback is even more concerning. Chuuya doesn't comment on it, though, just starts removing the bandages again, checking on the injuries. He grabs a fresh bandage to put some pressure where Dazai's started bleeding again.
At least it's not bleeding enough to be actually dangerous.]
You can stay until you're able to move without hurting yourself.
[Said a little softly, mostly because he hates revealing the actual affection he feels for this man. This obnoxious asshole of a useless man. Really, Chuuya would even let him stay longer.]
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You of all people should know that I'm anything but a masochist.
[That's probably not entirely true. True sadism is too boring to him, too, and too much work besides. But a masochist? Only in how he stays alive, perhaps - and he can't say he enjoys that particular torture.
It's not really a surprise that Chuuya is willing to let him stay, and yet... somehow it actually makes Dazai feel something, just faintly. Pain does strange things to your head, after all... He can't even bring himself to cut down Chuuya's feelings the way he usually does.
But he's not stupid enough to do or say something he may regret later, either. It's one thing to be grateful; it's another to come out and say it.]
... I'll need to contact the Agency. Do you have a secure line I can use?
[He doesn't know if his phone survived the trip here, but it would be a bad idea to turn on the signal from Mafia Central™, anyway.]
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[It's possible to be a sadist in some situations (with Chuuya), and a masochist in others. And sometimes this dimwit he used to call his partner definitely makes him wonder.
He's going to have to get more bandages soon. He has enough for now, but at this rate he'll definitely run sooner rather than later. It might be safe to leave Dazai to pick some up, if he's quick, or he can call for another delivery. And he can worry about that later.]
I have an unregistered foreign phone. Unused.
[He's not sure if he should be surprised that Dazai agrees to stay. It definitely makes him a little happy. His ex-partner still trusts him, is still willing to rely on him. It doesn't mean much, but it's something.
Or maybe he's being foolish.]
Do you want to clean up in the shower?
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Yet here they are, not for the first time. He just can't seem to get rid of the guy.]
That seems like overkill, but I'll take it.
[Better safe than sorry, in this case. Even if it's probably more important for Chuuya than for Dazai himself.
It's still important for Dazai, too. If not, clearly he wouldn't have done it.
He sighs. Showering seems like the most exhausting and painful thing in the world right about now, but he's already in the bathroom, and getting clean is important, too.]
Yes, let's.
[He's the most enthusiastic, honestly. Just look at how much he loves this.
But he does it anyway, getting up to wander over to the shower area. Maybe he can just sit on the edge of the bath? That seems swell - as long as he doesn't slip off.]
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They're easy enough to get ahold of.
[When you're part of the Port Mafia, that is. And in this case, it's all or nothing. He's got his own phone, which it would be risky to let Dazai use, or he's got that.
He hurries to support Dazai when he gets up, not trusting him not to fall over or hurt himself. And maybe he enjoys getting to be this close to Dazai when he's this vulnerable. Not to mention almost naked.
Chuuya's bath is big and deep, roomy enough for several people, and definitely bigger than necessary for someone as small as he is. But why not get the best of the best, when he can afford it? Why not get something meant for couples when he never invites anyone to share it with him?
Except Dazai, of course.]
Just don't try to drown yourself.
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I won't promise that. It's supposed to be a pretty nice way to go, you know!
[But he won't try - not now. Not that it wouldn't be a fun mess to create for Chuuya, having Dazai die in his home, but -... Well, Dazai doesn't feel like it. That's all.]
So? Will you be joining me~?
[He's joking, mostly. Who wants to bathe in his blood and dirt, anyway? But he has to ask, if only to tease.
If it's not quite up to his normal teasing, well... Chuuya will just have to deal with it, until he's healed some.]
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Except for the part where he doesn't actually want that. Mostly.
Chuuya hesitates for a moment, long enough to be noticeable. He knows Dazai is messing with him, but at the same time, he can't pretend he's not tempted. Blood and dirt doesn't bother him. Being that close to Dazai is a chance he's not sure he can pass up. There's really no pretending at this point that their relationship - whatever it was - is entirely in the past.]
Just to make sure you don't drown. I don't want to deal with a bloated corpse.
[Thats his excuse and he's sticking with it. He knows this is gonna hurt him in the end, but at least he can annoy Dazai by being predictable.]
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Dazai really isn't sure he was expecting a yes, but it's... actually kind of nice. Suicidal ambitions aside, he doesn't feel like dying alone in a tub. It just doesn't seem satisfying. If he had to die from this half-assed attack, he'd rather have died on the spot than now.
He's already in pain. Clearly the window for a good death has passed.]
If you don't want me dirtying your tub [Because Dazai totally cares about that, obviously...] you'll have to help me wash here.
[Sitting on the edge of the tub... still likely to get things dirty. But one is supposed to wash before getting into a bath, so. Dazai is being a good guest, here!]
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Chuuya pulls off his pyjamas, stripping naked before finding a couple of washcloths for them to use. He selects a mild soap, one that won't irritate Dazai's wounds, and then grabs the shower head off the wall. Of course he remembers how Dazai likes his water. Anything too hot won't be good for him right now, though.]
You're washing my back.
[Dazai can move his arms, he's not that useless. And Chuuya has to get something in return for this.
He starts gently washing Dazai's shoulders, his arms, his back, working around the injuries. He already cleaned those, and he doesn't want to accidentally rub off the scabs that are starting to form in some places. It's looking like it's going to heal nicely, as long as Dazai doesn't keep reopening them by being an idiot.
Maybe Chuuya should tie him to the bed.]
I'm surprised you still have skin that's not made of scar tissue.
[Even Chuuya has gained new scars since they were eighteen.]
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Too painful; rejected for suicide. But Dazai is pretty sure that Chuuya won't think ahead as far as the need to sweat, etc., so he will use the argument regardless.
Even if the water isn't too hot, even the slightest traces of it dripping over his injuries are torture with his nerves exposed like that, both the temperature and the contact extremely painful. Dazai doesn't say anything, though, and he tries not to let it show either, only zoning out a bit. It's exhausting. This is exhausting; existing is exhausting, and if he can't die right now, then he at least wishes there was a pause button.
Tying him to the bed might not be a bad idea, to be honest.]
Your turn.
[That's all he says, when he reaches his limits. Chuuya wanted him to wash his back, right? So Dazai will do just that. No reason to think too much into that.]
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He spent too much time after Dazai left wondering if he'd killed himself, how he might have died. It had sat like a rock in his chest, eating at his ability to focus every day, until he'd managed to push that worry down deep. He'd learned to ignore it, but it hadn't at all gone away. He'd never figured out how to make anything go away. Dazai did that so easily.
But Dazai is alive. And definitely not okay. It would annoy Chuuya how his (ex-)partner tried to hide it, when Chuuya knew him more than well enough to tell - except that Chuuya would have done exactly the same.
Never show weakness.]
I'll get you stronger painkillers later.
[He'll go out for them when Dazai is asleep. For now he hands over the second washcloth, and wraps an arm around Dazai for added support, so he doesn't fall backwards into the tub. He won't comment beyond that.
Although it does give him some satisfaction to let Dazai know that he knows.]
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[Not that Dazai himself hadn't underestimated his need for pain relief, too, but complaining is the least he can do, when Chuuya has the balls to let him know that he knows - which in turn lets Chuuya know that Dazai knows that he knows, but let's not fall off the know-ledge.]
I'll be fine with a little rest.
[Which is not untrue, and avoiding medication might have the fortunate side-effect of Dazai not accidentally overdoing it again, the way he clearly did by coming here. Still, he'll accept any pills without a fuss, later. Nobody needs pain in their life.
Washing Chuuya's back is done quickly, but not without attention.]
... Speaking of which: I think I'll take a rain check on that bath, after all. [He needs his beauty sleep.] This is clean enough.
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[So it's not his fault? He had actually been prepared. At least, he'd been prepared for an injured person who wasn't Dazai, since he did live to make everything more difficult.
But he isn't too annoyed now. Especially when Dazai is actually admitting that a bath would be too much - honesty is rare, and notable, so he doesn't comment beyond reaching for the softest, fluffiest blanket he has, wrapping it around Dazai's shoulders.]
I'll finish bandaging you.
[He ignores the water running down his own back - he can dry himself off later - trying to finish up quickly so Dazai can get back in bed. He gently dabs off the water, and, in some cases, blood, presses the bandages in place, and then stands to help Dazai up.]
I don't think I have any clothes you can borrow.
[They'll all be way too small.]
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You're really going to get shy about nudity at this point? Such a delicate flower!
[Maybe he'll regret saying that, but honestly? It will still be worth it. Something normal, amid the pain; something to take the sharpness off this mood that is way too soft between them. A little sabotage like this is the very least that it needs.
Still, Dazai won't be a dick beyond that, and he accepts the help in standing up, walking back to the bed without a fuss - a little slowly, perhaps, but then he's always taken his time.]
I'll have some clothes delivered to a safe spot. Later.
[At the same point he'll call the ADA, probably, but he really doesn't feel like doing any of that right now, not to mention he can't trust himself to be sharp enough. Some more sleep, to clear his head; there'll be enough time, later.]
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[You're lucky you're too injured for violence to be any fun, Dazai. Chuuya blushes, because naked Dazai is definitely a sight he enjoys, and he was trying not to take the conversation in that direction.]
It was in case you got cold, asshole. But if you want to freeze, be my guest.
[He's definitely not checking out Dazai's body. He's definitely not wondering if Dazai is checking out his, since he's just as naked, and still wet on top of it.]
I'll get you that phone.
[Softness: still present. Dazai's plan: failed. That level of teasing doesn't really sting, aside from the part where it reminds him of what he used to think they could have. He does throw the blanket back over Dazai as soon as he's in bed, though.]
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There are things that he appreciates about Chuuya. He won't deny that. It's almost like having an especially ugly pet, but being proud of it because it's ugly; no doubt it's exactly that same kind of fondness. Sometimes, even Dazai wonders if they could be more, but they can't. He doesn't have it in him, and he knows it. Every half-crazed man he knows could have that, but not Dazai himself. Things like love aren't real, and Dazai, it seems, is the only person smart enough to realize just how fake they are.
It's not something that bothers him, normally, and yet it doesn't sit well with him now, irritating even when it shouldn't be.
He really does need some rest.]
Nap first...
[He lies down and doesn't want to move, if he even could; he feels Chuuya throw the blanket over him, but he's out like a light in less than a minute - a true record, for him. He'll sleep for another hour or two, maybe even longer. Hopefully he'll have more of his wits about him when he wakes up.]
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Chuuya wants him. It doesn't matter that Dazai isn't capable of giving him what he wants - Chuuya would take anything he could give. And the reminder makes him feel pathetic. Besides, buying a pair of underwear is pretty cheap, when he was already out picking up medicine.
That's his excuse, though Dazai probably knows better.
Chuuya is in his guest bedroom, long since turned into a home dojo. He's been working out, trying to sweat out his feelings and frustrations, and not really getting anywhere with it. By now he's moved on to stretches, pushing his flexibility to its limits, enjoying the light pain in his muscles.
He's keeping one ear cocked for any sounds from his bedroom, in case Dazai wakes up. He knows he won't hear Dazai unless he wants to be heard, but that's never stopped him from trying.
It's not like he's able to relax anyway.]
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Then again, is he really so nice a person that he doesn't want to hurt Chuuya's feelings? Unlikely.
When Dazai finally wakes up - and it takes longer than he would have expected - the pain has subsided somewhat with the rest. Instead, his body has become uncomfortably stiff, which is a nuisance, but might just help him not to overdo it again. Bodies have a funny way of being helpful, sometimes.
Slowly blinking back into existence, he listens to the soft sounds in the distance, Chuuya clearly exercising. As expected... Chuuya never did know when to relax. It's a surprise to see the phone and pills all ready for him, not because he doubted that Chuuya would make good on his word, but because it's more proof that Dazai was out a lot longer than he'd expected to be.
Oh, well. No point in worrying about that now. Dazai pushes himself up, turning to sit against the headboard. He's not especially trying to be quiet, as it happens; he's more focused on doing what needs to be done, much as he hates to bother. The pills - a normal amount, this time - are first; he'll give them a while to take effect before he makes that call. Even if the pain is no longer the overwhelming presence it was after he'd
stupidlyoverdone it, it's still there, and he'd rather take the edge off before anything else.]no subject
"Relax" really isn't in his vocabulary.
When he finishes, he wipes sweat off his face, draping the small towel over a shoulder as he heads for the kitchen, putting on a pot of coffee. He's only wearing a pair of yoga pants - wine red, of course - since he never bothers with more when he's just working out at home, and he's definitely not putting in the effort for Dazai.
Only then does he head back to the bedroom.]
Finally awake?
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And yet he didn't die! Again! Honestly, what does a man need to do to get some peace around here?!
Still, the appearance of the very personification of the anti-peace is surprisingly welcome. Dazai couldn't say why it actually feels good to see Chuuya. Must be how he's half naked.
Or the pills are kicking in. Probably that.]
Mhm! Your bed is surprisingly comfortable without you in it!
[... Welp, so much for playing nice. But considering how much space Chuuya occupies in bed for such a tiny person, the comment is not without a core of truth.]
How long was I out for, anyway?
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[Just saying. If Dazai didn't get enough space, it was his own fault. Not that Chuuya wouldn't have wrapped himself around Dazai eventually, if his ex-partner hadn't grabbed him first. He's a sleep cuddler. It's always inevitable.
Though his bed is more than big enough for the two of them.
He walks over just to check the pills, and the water glass, although he's too sweaty to want to sit back down on the bed right now. Might as well spare the sheets at least a little.]
About three hours. Are you hungry?
[Not that he really has anything to offer. The nearby takeout places are going to get a lot of business from him until Dazai leaves.]
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[Maybe that wasn't the only reason why he'd clung to Chuuya. Maybe he'd even liked it, just a little. But good luck getting Dazai to admit that, even to himself.
Still, he doesn't drive home his point with further emphasis, the way he might have. Even Dazai can have his moments of almost-sorta-kinda consideration and/or gratitude, it seems.
Honestly, as much of a habit as bullying Chuuya is, it's not giving him the joy it normally does, and it's getting to be exhausting. For that reason and no other, maybe he'll try to hold back just a bit.]
Hmm, I could eat. Are you going to cook for me, Chuuya~?
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