[There's so much he cares about. It seems that once you start, you can't stop, even if you want to. Part of him really wants to; wants to be able to shove all of this back in a box, to separate it from himself, to be numb once again.
But you can't ever go back, can you? That goes for everything. You can't ever go back. No matter how much you might want to. No matter how much you realize too late you might have had.
Chuuya's answer is enough, and not, at the same time. Dazai pushes on, asking the question he doesn't want an answer to. Pushing on, picking at a scab that's still fresh.]
You aren't worried I'm going to betray that trust? Abandon you again?
[That word. That word Chuuya had used, that he'd never even thought to use before. The word he hasn't been able to stop thinking about for weeks now.]
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But you can't ever go back, can you? That goes for everything. You can't ever go back. No matter how much you might want to. No matter how much you realize too late you might have had.
Chuuya's answer is enough, and not, at the same time. Dazai pushes on, asking the question he doesn't want an answer to. Pushing on, picking at a scab that's still fresh.]
You aren't worried I'm going to betray that trust? Abandon you again?
[That word. That word Chuuya had used, that he'd never even thought to use before. The word he hasn't been able to stop thinking about for weeks now.]